The Fine Report, hits 500,000 in less than 3 weeks!
The Congratulations are rolling in!
Sukanya RoyIdits, 2011 National Spelling bee champion: “You probably all have cymotrichous. And you are a bunch of idiots! I-d-d-i-o-t-s!”
Al Sharpton: “Dat dem dere duh dat dere dem does dum damn duh dat da does dum dat dem dum dem dere, Zimmaman! Hey, and ain’t 500,000 what I owe in back taxes?”
Washington Post Publisher Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth: “That’s exactly how much money I made my first decade as a prostitute*. Of course, AIDS, Hep-C drugs and decent mouthwash were more expensive back then.”
George Clooney: “The funniest stuff on the web. I’m glad you’re doing the work the leftist entertainment industry won’t. It seems like only yesterday that you guys hit 499,999. Thanks to you, I am now a Romney man. We will have a party at my house.”
Jennifer Aniston: “I was not scratching my crotch! I was digging for money! – To give to starving people! – To charity! Ross, I was not scratching my crotch!”
Nancy Pelosi: “All I can say is that TheFineReport.com is a refreshing change from the lies that go on for what is now put on as news these days. Did I just say that?”
Peter Slipper: “I’m afraid to say anything, or you might turn it around on me and make a play on my name. So I’m not going to say anything. You will not make me slip – I’m going to keep my lips zipped.”
Convict Politician Keith Judd: “And here I thought I had a scam going before I got locked up. How long did it take to get this crappy website up and running — ten minutes? Seriously, I think I can do it better in my sleep (that is, if my cellie keeps his hands to himself). And don’t think I’m not gonna try, when I get out.”
John Boehner: “Please don’t mention my name. Please. I swear, I’ll do anything. Except something brave. Anything but brave. Please! I’ll even pick up where ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth left off. (Is it ‘Mouth,’ or ‘Mouthwash?” I think ‘Mouthwash’ sounds a lot better.)”
Rhinotillexomaniac, Barack Obama: “Just for that, I’m going to shake your hand. For a long time.”
Rhinotillexomaniac, Hillary Clinton: “Ditto that.”
The Professor: “See what a little scholarly class can do for a website? But I’ve never seen so many typographical and spelling errors in my life. What’s the name of this website, anyway?”
Ted Bundy: “Electrifying stuff. You guys kill me.”
Eric Holder: “What happens to Sheriff Joe is nothing compared to what’s going to happen to you. Nothing!”
Jay Carney: “Holder did not say that. What makes you think he said that? I assure you, he did not say that. Remember: I do not lie.”
Vladmir Putin: “If this website enters Russian data lines, it is your ass.”
TSA Agent Freddie the Fist: “I’ll be seeing you guys at the airport.”
Cher: “I don’t care if you’re not homophobes! You’re homophobes!”
Woody Allen: “You guys are just jealous that I can schtup Lindsay Lohan under restaurant tables, and you can’t.”
Rod Stewart: “Every penis tells a story. So I’m glad you’re telling yours.”
Google CEO Larry Page: “I will break you.”
Senator Blutto Blutarsky: “Finally, someone’s got their sh-t together.”
Fred Armisen: “Big deal. I could do what you’re doing, if I wasn’t busy being a coward and a sell-out.”
Michelle Obama: “#$%& you too!”
Julia “Donuts” Blubberowski: “Who is this Fine Report?
L.A.’s failed Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa: “Thanks for the hat tip! Don’t forget to watch my big speech at the Democrat convention!”
John Kerry: “If you put the kibosh on the story, I’ll contribute some of the $193,000,000.00 I embezzled using Senate inside information. Theresa said I could. You can trust me.”
TFR Editors: “You can blame this all on Oleg Atbashian**.”
*Denotes parody, social and political commentary.
** Oleg Atbashian is the creator of the PeoplesCube.com, and author of the book, “Shakedown Socialism.’ He is also a mentor to this website.