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THE FINE REPORT HITS HALF A MIL

Published on May 12, 2012, by in Uncategorized.

 

The Fine Report, hits 500,000 in less than 3 weeks!

 

The Congratulations are rolling in!

 

Sukanya RoyIdits, 2011 National Spelling bee champion: “You probably all have cymotrichous. And you are a bunch of idiots!  I-d-d-i-o-t-s!”

 

Al Sharpton: “Dat dem dere duh dat dere dem does dum damn duh dat da does dum dat dem dum dem dere, Zimmaman!  Hey, and ain’t 500,000 what I owe in back taxes?”

 

Washington Post Publisher Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth: “That’s exactly how much money I made my first decade as a prostitute*. Of course, AIDS, Hep-C drugs and decent mouthwash were more expensive back then.”

 

George Clooney: “The funniest stuff on the web. I’m glad you’re doing the work the leftist entertainment industry won’t. It seems like only yesterday that you guys hit 499,999. Thanks to you, I am now a Romney man. We will have a party at my house.”

 

Jennifer Aniston: “I was not scratching my crotch! I was digging for money! – To give to starving people! – To charity!  Ross, I was not scratching my crotch!”

 

Nancy Pelosi: “All I can say is that TheFineReport.com is a refreshing change from the lies that go on for what is now put on as news these days. Did I just say that?”

 

Peter Slipper: “I’m afraid to say anything, or you might turn it around on me and make a play on my name. So I’m not going to say anything. You will not make me slip – I’m going to keep my lips zipped.”

 

Convict Politician Keith Judd: “And here I thought I had a scam going before I got locked up. How long did it take to get this crappy website  up and running — ten minutes? Seriously, I think I can do it better in my sleep  (that is, if my cellie keeps his hands to himself).  And don’t think I’m not gonna try, when I get out.”

 

John Boehner: “Please don’t mention my name. Please. I swear,  I’ll do anything. Except something brave. Anything but brave. Please! I’ll even pick up where ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth left off. (Is it ‘Mouth,’ or ‘Mouthwash?” I think ‘Mouthwash’ sounds a lot better.)”

 

Rhinotillexomaniac, Barack Obama: “Just for that, I’m going to shake your hand. For a long time.”

 

Rhinotillexomaniac, Hillary Clinton: “Ditto that.”

 

The Professor: “See what a little scholarly class can do for a website? But I’ve never seen so many typographical and spelling errors in my life. What’s the name of this website, anyway?”

 

Ted Bundy: “Electrifying stuff. You guys kill me.”

 

Eric Holder: “What happens to Sheriff Joe is nothing compared to what’s going to happen to you. Nothing!”

 

Jay Carney: “Holder did not say that. What makes you think he said that? I assure you, he did not say that. Remember: I do not lie.”

 

Vladmir Putin: “If this website enters Russian data lines, it is your ass.”

 

TSA Agent Freddie the Fist: “I’ll be seeing you guys at the airport.”

 

Cher: “I don’t care if you’re not homophobes! You’re homophobes!”

 

Woody Allen: “You guys are just jealous that I can schtup Lindsay Lohan under restaurant tables, and you can’t.”

 

Rod Stewart: “Every penis tells a story. So I’m glad you’re telling  yours.”

 

Google CEO Larry Page: “I will break you.”

 

Senator Blutto Blutarsky: “Finally, someone’s got their sh-t together.”

 

Fred Armisen: “Big deal. I could do what you’re doing, if I wasn’t busy being a coward and a sell-out.”

 

Michelle Obama: “#$%& you too!”

 

Julia “Donuts” Blubberowski: “Who is this Fine Report?

 

L.A.’s failed Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa: “Thanks for the hat tip! Don’t forget to watch my big speech at the Democrat convention!”

 

John Kerry: “If you put the kibosh on the story, I’ll contribute some of the $193,000,000.00 I embezzled using Senate inside information. Theresa said I could. You can trust me.”

 

TFR Editors: “You can blame this all on Oleg Atbashian**.”

 

 

*Denotes parody, social and political commentary.

 

 

** Oleg Atbashian is the creator of the PeoplesCube.com, and author of the book, “Shakedown Socialism.’ He is also a mentor to this website.

http://www.shakedownsocialism.com/

 
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