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Jokes About N.Y. Times Editors!

Published on October 17, 2017, by in Uncategorized.

  • Did you hear about the NY Times editor who froze to death in a drive-in movie? She went to see “Closed for the Winter.”
  • Why did the NY Times editor have only 3 children? She heard that every fourth child born is Chinese.
  • Another power outage hit New York: twelve NY Times editors were stuck on an escalator overnight.
  • A NY Times editor was shopping at a Target Store with Michelle Obama. They came across a thermos, in shiny silver, much like the dress Harvey Weinstein put Michelle in when he had her appear on the Oscars broadcast. Both were fascinated by it. They picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, “That’s a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold.” Excited, the NY Times editor bought it for Michelle, saying how nicely it would match her dress. The next day, Michelle showed it to Barack, who asked. “What do you have there?” Michelle said, “It’s a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” Barack asked, “What do you have in it?” Michelle replied, “Two Popsicles and some coffee.” Barack’s eyes lit up: “Can I have a popsicle?”
  • A man entered the subway with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a NY Times editor. The puzzled NY Times editor kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. She asked him what was in his pockets. The man said, “Who are you, Jimmy Kimmel?” The NY Times editor chuckled, “No. But we do look alike. Come on: what do you have in your pocket?” “I have golf balls,” the man answered. The NY Times editor looked at him with sudden concern and asked, “”Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
  • A young man wanted to get his NY Times editor wife a gift for their first wedding anniversary. So he bought her a new iPhone8. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. She was excited, and loved the phone. The next day the husband called her while she was out shopping: “How do you like your new phone?” She replied, “I love it! Hey – how’d you know I was at the mall?”
  • Two NY Times editors were sitting outside one evening, talking. One says to the other: “Which do you think is farther away: Florida or the moon?” The other NY Times editor looks at the sky and says: “Are you joking? I mean, you can you see the moon.”
  • A NY Times editor pushed her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic that it died on her. After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What was wrong?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.” She asks, “Really? How often do I have to do that?”
  • A police officer stops a NY Times editor for speeding and asks her if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, “I wish you cops would get your act together. Last month you guys took away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you?!”
  • A NY Times editor out for a walk at the East River. She spots another NY Times editor on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second NY Times editor looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You are on the other side.”
  • A NY Times editor fell down a flight of stairs. Now, it hurts wherever she touches herself on her body. She is on an Obamacare plan, and she managed to get appointments with three different Obamacare providers to discovery why it is it hurts so much wherever she touches herself on her body. Despite a battery of expensive tests and examinations, none of them had an answer for her. Finally, she paid cash to see a doctor out of the Obamacare network. She tells the doctor, of her malady. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” The editor pushes on her left breast and screams. Then she pushed her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams. Then she pushed on her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touched herself made her scream. The doctor curiously examined her finger, immediately discovering it was broken.
  • A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the NY Times editor behind the wheel knitting as she was driving. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the NY Times editor yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
  • A Russian, an American, and a NY Times editor were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The NY Times editor said, “So what? I predict the NFL is going to be the first to land on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun – you’d burn up!” The NY Times editor replied, “NFL astronauts won’t be stupid: they’d be going at night.”
  • A NY Times editor was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is the vacuum on or off?”
  • A woman wrote a NY Times editor was covering a story about the NYPD’s two new watchdogs. Back at the office, she realized she forgot the name of the two dogs. So she fudged her headline: “Working the NYPD K9 shift with Timex and Casio.”.

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