Facebook Twitter Gplus E-mail RSS

Flesh-Eating Bacteria Consumed Man’s Penis After Surgery, Says Lawsuit

Published on May 19, 2012,


A man suing after a major medical mistake left him disfigured gave testimony Thursday that revealed the intimate details of his misery. The unidentified plaintiff said he wanted a penile implant to improve his sex life in. “I had problems having intimate relations. As time went by, that problem got worse.”


The man’s attorney argues that an anesthesiologist overlooked his client’s pre-existing medical conditions, which resulted in him having no more external male genitalia. According to the lawyer, the man  should have never been allowed to undergo elective penile implant surgery to treat erectile dysfunction, that ultimately, resulted in his being neutered.


As a result of the operation, a gangrene infection spread through his penis after the surgery. The plaintiff detailed the traumatic experience: “A flesh-eating bacteria ate my penis an inch every day. In three days it was gone. Just like that.”


As a result, he has to spend the rest of his life without a functioning penis or testicles. He has to sit down to urinate, though he does admit he gets a lot more reading done. “But I’ll never have any intimate relationships with anyone again. Who would have sex with a man with flesh-eating penis disease, except on MTV?”



The man, who is identified only through a series of evidentiary photographs, complains, “At first it caused me to get as fat as a house. It was disgusting. If I thought I had problems before, they paled to my starting to resemble Jabba the Hutt.”

-The plaintiff, shown in court documents at his most obese.



“Eventually, I shed a hundred pounds and started looking human again. But not by much. I looked bad and I smelled worse. I was bitter, and I acted like a goddam idiot.”

-The plaintiff, shown in court documents, after losing a marginal amount of weight



“I finally lost hundreds of pounds, but look at me: no penis and no testicles. So what am I?  If this isn’t bad enough, people keep telling me I look like Rachel Maddow, from MSNBC. Well, I guess it could be worse — I could look like Al Sharpton or Ed Schultz.  Someone told me I should write a book about the whole thing. I came up with a title, at least: ‘Drift: The Unmooring of an American Penis.'”

-Finally, weight is below 200 pounds. “I might write a book.”



“HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!…  He does look like Rachel Maddow! Man, that is funny…  I have got to invite this no-penis guy over to my house for entertainment at my next Obama party!…  Finally — whew! — I’ll meet a guy with a smaller you-know-what.”

-Actor George Clowny



“I resent dat ‘Al Sharpton’ crack.”

-Race baiter, Jew hater, homophobe, MSNBC television host and Obama-intimate Al Sharpton


“And I resent that ‘Ed Schutlz’ crack! Don’t you know who I am?? Hey, what the hell’s going on here? Where are we, anyway?”

-Unhinged MSNBC host  and Obama-intimate, Ed “Crazy EddieHis Ideas Are Insane!” Schultz


“You’re in TheFineReport, Ed!  Quick, get out while you can, or you’ll be stuck here forever, like me!”

-Crazy Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the House until she was booted from office in 2010.



 “We’re where? …Hic!

-US Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton


 “And I’m getting a bit pissed at this myself! I do not have 2 inch penis! I won’t lie and say it’s 3 inches, but it is not 2 inches for sure! I also spoke to my attorney about this website, but he told me that because that I’ve inserted myself into the national political debate,  any asshole running a website can do the whole ‘Falwell’* thing and claim I had sex with my mother – or have a  2 inch penis. So if I sue them, all I’ll do is make them famous. So instead, let me be perfectly clear: I did not have sex with that woman. And stop calling me George Clowny!”

-Actor George Clowny, overcompensating for something?



“Hey, at least it wasn’t a dog‘s penis we ate!”

-Flesh-eating Bacteria



“I know how that plaintiff feels. While flesh-eating bacteria didn’t eat my penis, it ate two other really important things.”

-GOP House Speaker John Boehner



“What’s this guy complaining about? He never used those two things anyway!”

-Flesh-eating Bacteria



*Our lawyer finally gets some air-time (and we get an invoice):

“In the seminal case Hustler Magazine v. Falwell, the US Supreme court held that the First Amendment’s freedom of speech protection extends to the making of patently offensive statements about public figures, resulting perhaps in their suffering emotional distress. You could state George Clowny had sex with his mother and not incur liability, unless the offending publication contained a false statement of fact which was made with “actual malice.” We would define  actual malice here, but you guys are too cheap to pay us for it. Furthermore, the Court added that the interest of protecting free speech under the First Amendment surpassed the state’s interest in protecting public figures from patently offensive speech, so long as such speech could not reasonably be construed to state actual facts about its subject. To wit,  no reasonable person reading this website would construe the parody herein to be an assertion of the truth that that George Clowny (Is it ‘Clowny? I aways thought it was ‘Clooney”) had sex with his mother, or he has a 2 inch penis. (Did he? Does he?) It is because of this very discussion that I maintain a subscription to Hustler Magazine, among many other pornographic magazines: so that my practice continues to be on the cutting-edge of Constitutional law issues. (And they’re a hundred percent tax deductible, too.) If you know of a pornographic magazine that I should be reading — for Constitutional law purposes, of course — please send me the information c/o TheFineReport.com.



The flesh-eating penis parody is based on a true story:




Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com




Elizabeth ‘Sitting Bullsh-t’ Video – Very funny!

Published on May 19, 2012,

Funny video alert! Funny video alert!


A very funny original video made by the folks at SadHillnews.com!

(Hey, it even includes some of TheFineReport postings — and it’s still funny!)






“Barack put me on it, so I been thinkin’ all week: how am I gonna come up wit somethin’ to defend this lyin’ you-know-what. But for da first time since I can even remember, I can’t think of a thing! Unless maybe she’s one of dem white Indians. Could be. You know: from dat Zimmerman tribe of Indians, da ones wit all dem casinos.”

-Race baiter, Jew hater, homophobe, MSNBC television host and Obama-intimate Al Sharpton



Leftist Media Shilll ‘Politico’ Renews Attacks on Private Citizens to Protect Fraud President

Published on May 19, 2012,


These people have lost their minds.


In all their “revelations,” there has not been a single ‘revelation’ of any conservative or Republican being a communist (Van Jones), a terrorist (William Ayers), a Maoist (Anita Dunn), a Muslim (not that this is bad, but it is if you have some need to lie about it — right Barry?), a tax cheat (Timothy Geitner, Treasury secretary), or a hater of the Constitution (Obama), or a coverer-upper of every record of their life and education (Obama), and so forth and so on (or, as John Boehner would say, heretoforehencewiththereofthereto). This list could go on for pages — literally. But you get the picture.




“So you sayin’ that dere ain’t none of dem race baiters, Jew haters, Communists, or Maoists or terrorists or Constitution haters or lyin’ Indians or secret Muslims or people hidin’ all dere records or  public nose-pickas in any of dem conservatives, like we have?”

-Race baiter, Jew hater, homophobe and Obama-intimate Al Sharpton



Yes. Dat’s what we’re sayin.’





‘Pow Wow Chow’ Cow Now Sow!

Published on May 19, 2012,

Elizabeth ‘Sitting Bullsh-t’ Warren is also a plagairist?!


Phony Indian and affirmative-action fraud Elizabeth Warren also Plagiarized Her ‘Pow Wow Chow’ Recipes?



What a surprise.


Crazy Elizabeth Warren: Not 1/32 American Indian. But 100% fraud.


Like Joseph Biden, she never worked a day in her life in the private sector. But…
…like Biden, she somehow became a multi-millionaire. (You being taxpayers, she and Biden would like to thank you for making them rich — most likely by breaking the law.)



-Chief ‘Sitting Bullsh-t’ Elizabeth Warren, Harvard professor and candidate for prison.



– Harvard fraud, Elizabeth Warren, feathers off, as she roots the landscape for another public trough to pig out at. Look around and you’ll see a lot of her fellow Democrats.



How leftists divert charity funds to American newspapers and corrupt them:

Published on May 19, 2012,


Los Angeles Times receives a $1-million grant from the Ford Foundation



Looks innocent enough, right?


But who is the Ford Foundation? (Don’t be fooled by the squeaky clean name  — it has nothing to do with the car company: it’s a leftist slush fund.)


From Frontpagemag.com:


How The Ford Foundation Funds the Left and Radical Islam:




“Isn’t the Ford Foundation ‘lovely.’ So lovely. So calm and composed as it rots the core of our society with indoctrination, corruption and lies. Mitt and I are thinking of giving all our money to the Ford Foundation one day.”

-Ann Romney, Stockholm Syndrome sufferer?



“That’s right, Ann.  Folks, like Barack Obama, the Ford Foundation is  just  a nice young group of Communists and fascists in over their heads. (After these kind words, these Ford Foundation  folks just might vote for  me. Don’t tell me my ‘dumbass strategy’ doesn’t work!)”

-Mitt Romney, creator of the ‘Dumbass Strategy 2012,’ originated by John McCain in ‘Dumbass Strategy 2008.’



“Breaking news, everyone: Mitt Romney is even more politically dumb than we could ever hope for! Roll tape!…”

-CNN propagandist, Wolf Blitzer


NY Times Is Already Leading Romney Around By The Nose — The Romney ‘Dumbass Strategy’ Is Back!

Published on May 19, 2012,

The ‘Dumbass Strategy 2012:’

(‘Dumbass One’ was originated by John McCain in his 2008 presidential campaign against ‘Barack Obama,’ whoever he really is.)


Romney repudiates using Obama’s “God Damn America” Preacher of 20 Years, in ads



“Arrrrrrgggghhhh! What is wrong with this guy?!”



“Are you meaning to tell me that an American president’s preacher of 20 years saying ‘God damn America’ over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, is something I should actually point out to voters? I am in complete agreement on this with the New York Times. It’s simply not a nice thing to do to a young nice man like ‘Barack Obama,’ who is simply in over his head.”

-Potential enabler of Barack Obama’s second term, and potentially hopeless GOP candidate, Mittens Romney


(“Psst, Mitt: ‘ix-nay on the riticism-cay.*. You don’t want to win by accident, do ya?) Er, Mitt, I completely agree with you and the New York Times — Obama is a terrific guy and so is that Reverend Wright!”

John McCain, disasterous Republican candidate in 2008, who fell on his face with the ‘Obama is a nice guy’ strategy.



“Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you the likes of John McCain and Mitt Romney.  Idiots, both of them! And you Republican hacks: you’re even bigger idiots. Just what the hell are you doing to this country?”

-Football great Vince Lombardi



CNN propagandsist Wolf Blitzer Cheers Romney, for consumption by Romney and his Etch-a-sketcher advisors:  “That’s the right thing to do, and it has the added advantage of being smart politics.”


But back on CNN, Blitzer preaches to the left:

“We’ve got Romney by the nose, everyone!  He’s as dumb in politics as we hoped, and  is stubborn as a jackass! This is great news for Barack Obama.”

– CNN propagandist, Wolf Blitzer


“Isn’t Wolf Blitzer lovely? So lovely. So calm and collected as he spouts lie after lie, shilling for the left and the radicals of the Democrat party. Mitt and I are thinking of making Wolf chief campaign strategist for Mitt’s presidential campaign, even if we endorse Barack Obama!”

-Ann Romney, who recently called the oafish and nasty “Michelle Obama “lovely, calm and collected.”







Hey there!

“My goodness. What is Romney’s problem? I mean, I know McCain suffers from Stockholm syndrome from his days as a prisoner of war. The Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which captives express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.  McCain was chosen to be a fighter pilot — he was supposed to have been vetted, and he should have been able to survive that kind of psychological trauma being a prisoner of war creates. The truth is, his father was a Navy big shot, so John was put at the head of the line, apparently without having ‘the right stuff,’ as they say.  The result is we have a man in high office who has positive feelings toward his political enemies, to the point of defending them! (Remember McCain’s defending Obama in the 2008 election, saying Obama was a ‘decent person and a person that you do not have to be scared of as president of the United States.’ Wow, talk about Stockholm Syndrome!) Stockholm syndrome can be also be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario. It’s odd, but strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other. So all you have to do in a person like McCain — or Romney — is push the right button, and wham! Now speaking of Romney: I know what explains McCain’s cowardice, but what in the world can explain Romney’s? I simply don’t know why that man is terrified of conflict with Obama or the New York Times! And that Ann Romney — hasn’t she heard the adage, ‘it’s better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it?’



Getting back to McCain, Lord knows how I would do at the hands of North Vietnamese torturers. Heck, I’d probably agree to anything. Why, I’d probably agree that racism causes global warming!  And who knows how Romney’d do, given his abject fear of confrontation with Obama or the New York Times. (Now, can you imagine what John Boehner would do? They’d probably just snarl at him, and he’d give away every national security secret he knows.) By the way, I’m still looking for a purple sticky-note I misplaced. I know, it’s ridiculous — but I have a lot of stuff laying around. So if you see it, let me know! Till next time!


Professor Papalopolopolis’ C.V.:



*This is known as ‘pig latin,’ a play on spelling to conceal the meaning of the words from others not familiar with the ‘coding.’ The first consonant (or consonant cluster) is moved to the end of the word and an ay is affixed (for example, pig yields igpay and computer yields omputercay or truancy yields uancytray). In the example above, McCain is saying to Romney, “Nix on the criticism.” It has been used in the Disney movie “The Lion King,’ where Zazu says to Simba “ixnay on the upidstay” and in response Banzai the Hyena says “Who you calling upidstay?”


Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com







Hail Mary* passes by the left

Published on May 17, 2012,



When they resort to ‘Hail Marys,’ you know even they know they’re in trouble:


Bill Maher: We Haven’t Had a Better President Since Jimmy Carter



Current TV’s Miller Compares Romney to Hitler




*A Hail Mary pass  in American football refers to any very long forward pass made in desperation with only a small chance of success.


The Crazy Women of ‘The View’

Published on May 17, 2012,


All 6 of them:



Who Says John Edwards Doesn’t Have Pull?

Published on May 17, 2012,

Knowing his friend John Edwards is about to visit the hoosegow:


Obama Orders Prisons to Step Up Anti-rape Efforts

“We mean it. No more dicking around!”





-New prison anti-rape device, designed and personally tested by Barack Obama.



“If I have a cellmate, please let me be the ‘daddy.'”


-John Edwards, praying to be the ‘daddy’






…Okay Edwards, you’re the ‘daddy.’ Now come on over here and suck ‘mommy’s’ d—.”




As if You Needed Another Reason Not to Waste Your Money On Newspapers:

Published on May 17, 2012,

Obama Baby-sitter Warren Buffett to buy 63 newspapers



 And he ain’t happy about having to buy them:


Buffett: “How stupid are you? What kind of dumbbell could blow the deal we got with you in the White House? Huh? I ought to splap that stupid grin you walk around with right off your face!  Now, cause of you and your big mouth, your wife’s big mouth and both your pea brains, the only way I can get you decent press is to go out and buy 63 goddam newspapers! Stupid! Idiot! Moron! Sh-t for brains! A-hole!… Now, do you want to know how I really feel, you sad excuse for a Manhurian man! Stick to the script, moron! Do not deviate from it! Do you understand, you melon-headed deranged bag of human offal! And my new Buffett rule: never again send a douche to do the job of  a Manchurian. We have a country to destroy, man — get with it! And your watch — it still has the wrong time!!”


Obama: “Sorry. Can I go  now?”


-Warren Buffett and Melon-head.



Comments? Questions? Want a massage with a happy ending?




Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com




Published on May 17, 2012,


THE EVIDENCE is in the form of leaks of information suddenly appearing. Here are but two examples:


GOP probe uncovers deal between Obama and drug companies:

Internal emails obtained by House Republicans now provide evidence that a deal was struck and GOP investigators are promising to release more details in the coming weeks.
“What the hell?” White House Deputy Chief of Staff Jim Messina, who is now Obama’s campaign manager, complained to a lobbyist for the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) in January 15, 2010 email. “This wasn’t part of our deal.”



Obama’s Literary Agent in 1991 Booklet: ‘Born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii’



The financial crisis wasn’t an accident:

Dick Morris, Lou Dobbs, Larry Kudlow, Newt Gingrich, John Bolton, and other champions of freedom have come together in a special video to reveal the truth about what really happened behind closed doors on Sept. 18, 2008 ,  and how we are in for at least 15 more years of financial reckoning. That it was all a part of an elaborate ‘arrangement’ between Wall Street, Washington, and too-big-to-fail conglomerates in order to protect their fortunes while making American citizens accountable for their mistakes . Evidence that the last four years of economic hardship are only the beginning of what experts are calling “The Final Turning.”






SIDEBAR with Crazy Pelosi:


Pelosi: Boehner ‘immature and irresponsible.’  House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., described the recent call for spending cuts voiced by Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, as “immature [and] irresponsible” today.



Once again Crazy Pelosi says something crazy. Crazy Pelosi fails to pinpoint Boehner’s real problem (and ours): cowardice, rino-ism, a GOP hack-ism.


“But not a snitch!”

(“And don’t forget  da ‘he’s on da other side-ism.“‘)



“At least I’m not a piece of @#$% like that old crow Betty White we trotted out.”


-Crazy Nancy Pelosi, the mother of all pieces of @#$%.





“Why  is everybody always picking on me?”





“If someone doesn’t take a sock off and stick it in that jackass’s mouth, I’m going to shut it with this damn mallet!”


Or not…




“Isn’t Nancy Pelosi lovely? So lovely… As lovely as Michelle Obama. And so calm and composed as she destroys the nation. Mitt and I might even endorse her for another shot at the House Speaker position.”

-Ann Romney




Ann, stop it! Stop it already! PLEASE! Talk about something else if if you have nothing to say about the crazy people destroying our country except to pay them a compliment. Puh-lease!




Congressional Burglaries Baffle Staff, Police

Published on May 17, 2012,



Puzzling break-ins over the last month at the offices of at least three House members and several committees have U.S. Capitol Police gumshoes working to find a pattern and the culprits, with missing items ranging from cash and expensive computer equipment to autographed baseballs and alcohol.


In at least four of the cases, thieves broke into the offices at night when doors were locked, leading some staffers to believe they were victims of an inside job.


“The evidence points to someone with access to my office, and other offices in the Capitol complex, as the perpetrator,” freshman Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-S.C., surmised in a letter to the House’s Office of the Chief Administrative Officer.


In each case, items stolen were high in street value. Computer monitors, cameras, and cash were taken most frequently; other items included blazers, personal iPods, and in three cases, alcohol.







“I admit it! There, I said it!

…I did it because no one pays any attention to me anymore…  Please, if only I could have a second chance…”


-Suspect, House Speaker John Boehner





Published on May 17, 2012,


A useful idiot of the left, Kennedy XXXLVIII’s wife purportedly ‘killed herself’






Here are a couple of other doozies in the Kennedy saga of murder:


Marilyn Monroe and Mary Jo Kopechne



-Monroe, a drug-addled histronic, died under mysterious circumstances during a time she was rotating sexual liasons with both then-president John Kenndy and his brother, Robert. It is rumored that both Kennedys feared Monroe would expose the sexual relationships she was having with them (both Kennedy’s were married). It is a common inside joke that Marilyn Monroe ‘slept with everyone in Hollywood. (Except it seems, anyone here at The Fine Report).


-Mary Jo Kopechne, drowned under mysterious circumstances in car driven off a bridge  by Senator Edward ‘Ted-leave-em-dead’ Kennedy


Book Excerpt: ‘Ditz,’ by Rachel Madcow

Published on May 17, 2012,




“DITZ” – The Unmooring of American Military Parking”

by Rachel Madcow


-MSNBC hatchet-woman, and author of books only George Soros buys (by the truckload), Rachel Madcow


A bird known as the houbara bustard recently provided crucial assistance in making America’s war in Afghanistan (and its spillover in Pakistan) the longest-running military hot show in our nation’s history. ‘How,’ you ask? (By the way, Elizabeth Warren just reacted – she says ‘hello’ to you, too.)


While President Obama took a purported ‘bin Laden killing celebratory victory lap’ after actually trying to cover-up having just peed in his pants, the Pakistanis found the entire bin Laden episode hugely shaming. Worse, word quickly leaked out (no pun intended) that our first black President, Barack Obama had not only ordered that the Pakistani military and its intel­ligence service be kept in the dark (no pun intended) while the mission was being executed (pun intended),


The Pakistani parliament called the country’s military and intelligence chieftains (Elizabeth Warren says ‘hello’ again) into a closed-door session. The generals had little trouble encouraging par­liament to formally demand that, henceforthheretothereof, the United States would ensure that “Pakistan’s national interests were fully re­spected.” Ally Schmally, the Pakastani Ambassador to the U.N. said the Pakistani people, ‘Ain’t gettin’  no respect – ya hear?!’ The generals suggested a good first step would be forcing the United States to shut down the secret free-parking program the CIA had been run­ning out of an air base in a remote corner of Pakistan called Balochistan. (Coincidentally, balochistan is also the eating disorder of which Michelle Obama suffers.) Unfortunately, in publicizing their demand that the CIA pay for parking at that airbase, the generals also revealed to sur­prised Pakistani legislators . . . that the CIA had been sub-letting parking at higher rates! Worse, none of its agents were even required to  hang a pass from their rear view mirror.


This was cause for an uproar in parliament, but the fact that the CIA had been flying armed drones while parking free was less of a surprise to the citizens of the areas those drones were targeting—the tribal regions. “Dey Americans – dey no pay for parking, ven vee all have to pay two-dollar every 20 minutes – and no validations accepted, even if you buy something!”


The U.S.’s rather dumpy-looking Secretary of State Hillary Clinton CIA high-tech unmanned air­craft had been used mainly for surveillance in the early stages of the war in Afghanistan. But they could also be armed with Michelle butt-fire Hellfire missiles.  When the Obama administration took over in 2009, the number of drone attacks spiked along with Michelle Obama’s vacation spending. The next year the 2009 numbers more than doubled. So did the number of drone attacks. The Obama administration refused as a mat­ter of policy to officially acknowledge the CIA’s free parking, though they readily admitted the drone attacks. However, they did acknowledge that there was ‘flexibility’ in the base parking policy. In the days following a ‘big got,’ they announced that some key Al-Qaeda or Haqqani Network (or Fox Network?) leader “was killed,” as if the event were an act of providence or, like a rainbow, a remarkable atmospheric happening with all 7 colors, easily remembered by the mnemonic “Roy G. Biv.”


Meanwhile, in North and South Waziristan (coincidentally, my mother’s maiden name), the presence of the free parking by the CIA has become a hated fact of life—the locals report­edly call them “parking mother f-ers.” So potentially telling the CIA to get the hell out of the Shamsi parking lot would be a very popular move in Pa­kistan: nor any more free parking for American drone crews launching from Paki­stani soil . . . or else. Or else what? Valet.


Well, Pakistan’s air marshal reminded the Obama administration, the  F-16 jets the United States had sold the Pakistani Air Force also required parking for their crews. Obama did not flinch. Free parking had become the centerpiece of Obama’s CIA Global War on Terror employee retention and union benefits programs. Free parking for CIA employees had proved Democrats could be as serious about killing bad guys as Republicans were. In fact, the successes had been among the few bright spots on a fairly bleak political landscape for a stupid, pathetic, weak, inexperienced, under-qualified, fraudulent, lazy America-hating first-term f-ing lunatic. The Obama administration had no intention of pulling up stakes in Shamsi. “That parking facility is neither vacated nor being vacated” was the anonymous but official word from Washington. It was a Mexican standoff in Balochistan. But not a white-Mexican stand-off: there are no Zimmermans with black grandfathers in Pakistan.


Here’s where the Houbara bustard provided a little wiggle room in what otherwise looked like a very knotty situation. This tiny forgotten strip of land that held the airbase in Shamsi, it turned out, did not actually belong to Pakistan; it had been qui­etly been foreclosed on by Bank of America a year earlier. You see, Balochistan, aside from being full of spectacular Garden of Eden natural wonders (with its splendid open sewer), is among the few wintering grounds of the Houbara bustard, a bird held in high-esteem among hunters from the UAE and Saudi Arabia and Qatar. In fact, it was a third-party candidate in the recent Egyptian elections. But falconry is the sport of despotic Arab kings, and the poor bustard had long been the preferred prey for falconers. So Arab royalty was really pleased to have this special foot­hold in Balochistan, and right away these potentates started obnoxiously taking up two spots for one car in the CIA parking lot so their fancy-shmancy cars wouldn’t get their doors scratched (which they drive, as Al Sharpton once explained to me, because, ‘If you want to be impotentate, you gotta look impontentate.’)


“The sheiks tell me it is the ultimate challenge for the falcon,” but the houbara is also fast, also known as a clever, wary bird, with “a number of tricks.” It is particularly known for its skill at Three Card Monty and another trick where it can produce four aces on top of a card deck, despite shuffling the deck several times. Also among these tricks, the chieftain continued, is an ability of the female to ink-jet “a putrid slime violently from its mouth after several cocktails. Its force is so strong that it can spread for three feet, and spread it all over tile walls.” (I believe they were being polite, and trying to diplomatically describe an episode where Hillary Clinton drank too much then threw-up all over the walls of one of their bathrooms, when she last visited the gulf region.) The belief also persisted that the meat of the bustard was an aphrodisiac, especially its beak. Not hard to see why so many Arab kings routinely rush to Beverly Hills to have broken teeth capped.


For the last twenty years or so, Emirati sheiks and Saudi princes and the more general run of ambitious Arab dignitaries had jockeyed for the best allotments in the last good place on earth to hunt the little bustard. But again, where to park?


Officials at Pakistan’s Ministry of Environment warned over and over about their ever-dwindling parking at the bustard hunting ground, but they were powerless to keep the Arab potentates to one parking spot per car. “I have yet to meet an Arab that respects a white painted line,” said one ministry man. “What can the Parking Enforcement people do if the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, the president of the UAE or emir of Qatar tear up a ticket they find on their windshield?” Not much, apparently, if Pakistan still wanted cheap oil and dirhams and riyals for flood relief, or jet fighters and tanks.


The Emiratis had made one concession that slightly crimped their style in bustard-hunting department. In the weeks after the 9/11 attacks in 2001—when everybody wanted to pitch in—they had agreed, with the consent of Pakistani president Musharraf, to let the Americans use the handicapped parking spaces at the Shamsi base, but only for a few special operations. Otherwise, they’d be towed.


Over the years that followed, the CIA agents started parking in handicapped spaces for ordinary operations. So, as Michelle Obama would say, when the “@!$%#” hit the fan in the aftermath of the bin Laden raid, thanks to the Houbara bustard, everybody had an out: the United States denied the CIA was parking in handicapped spaces, and that when they did, it was only when operations were ‘special.’


The Pakistanis checked out the records and it turns out this little strip of Balochistan has not been repossessed by Bank of America after all, but was actually  UAE land deeded for bustard hunting! So, sorry, but there’s nothing we can do to alleviate the parking problem in America’s secret drone war operating out of Shamsi. But we do condemn the new valet parking concession everyone is forced to use. (One CIA agent reported his car was returned with a dent on the driver side door. Another agent reporting his sunglasses were stolen. Still another reported finding a used condom in his back seat.)


The UAE meanwhile went on record saying they’d only built the parking lot. They assured the world, “it was never operated or controlled by the UAE. If your car was towed from this lot or something was missing from it, talk to the CIA.”


And so we still had our drone base in Shamsi, and no skittish ally had to take the blame for the parking problem. Even after the bin Laden raid and the Pakistani  freak-out, America stepped up the already furious pace of the drone attacks, execut­ing  twenty-one  multiple-kill sorties in the next two months and the result was a parking shortage so great the CIA mandated car-pooling of all agents working at the base


A U.S. mili­tary official, who also spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the subject, said, “there are presently no U.S. military personnel at Shamsi – just their cars,”  so reported the Associated Press. But he could not speak for the CIA or contractors used by any other U.S. agencies. “The CIA rarely discusses its parking programs, anyway.”


When reports surfaced that all US operatives finally packed up and left Shamsi about six months later at the end of 2011, the official word from our government was still . . . no comment. The Obama administration’s counterterrorism czar told a forum at the pres­ident’s alma mater, Harvard Law School, in the fall of 2011, “I’m 1/32 Indian.” The audience chortled knowingly…



(Ms. Madcow can be reached c/o TheFineReport@gmail.com)


The original excerpt on MSNBC’s website:




Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com



Email thread (this should be interesting)

Published on May 16, 2012,

Saeed, from who the hell knows where, emails us:


“Did you receive my last mail?”

On Wed, May 16, 2012 at 3:44 PM, Mr.Saeed Aban <Sir-SaeedAban@hotmail.com> wrote:

Mr.Saeed Aban Sir-SaeedAban@hotmail.com via clear.net.nz
3:44 PM (2 hours ago)

to Saeed.Aban
Editor Thefinereport
5:55 PM (0 minutes ago)

to Sir-SaeedAban


We wrote back:


“Yes. Where do we send the cash? And what’s a good phone number to reach you at?”


(To be continued…)


Can Barack Obama get any more pathetic than this? (Absolutely. He’s just getting warmed-up)

Published on May 16, 2012,


The Obama White House is drawing ridicule for appending the official online biographies of nearly every president over the last century in order to link President Obama’s accomplishments to the former commanders in chief.


For instance, the following line was added to the official bio of the late President Ronald Reagan: “In a June 28, 1985, speech, Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multimillionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule.”



White House liar-in-chief Baghdad Jay Carney comes to the defense:


“No biographies have been altered.  But some have been changed and lies have been inserted. This is what is confusing you.”


-White House press secretary and professional liar, Baghdad Jay Carney


Image courtesy of peoplescube.com


Another Atheist Cries Out to God for Help

Published on May 16, 2012,

American’s foremost useful idiot for the left, ignoramus and sexual harrasser David Letterman:


Letterman Campaigns For Obama On ‘Late Show’: ‘What More Do We Want This Man To Do For Us, Honest To God?’


-Confessed sexual harrasser, and ignorant leftist shill, David Letterman


Letterman’s apology for revelations of sexual relationships with staff members:




No comment necessary.


But here’s one anyway: we want this ‘Obama’ clown to disappear  — and Letterman, it’d be nice if you went along with him.


“So how come he’s not a piece of @#$% too??”


Don’t worry Betty, he is.


What little is left of Chris Mathews’ reputation, is in ‘jeopardy’

Published on May 16, 2012,

This ignoramus is on television, telling people what to think?

MSNBC Moron Chris Matthews, bombs on ‘Jeopardy’

-Failed all questions on modern history and American government

“Mr. Zero”



Problems started for Matthews when he requested a category in the form of a question.
“Let’s go back to, what is ‘Crossword Clues E?'” Matthews said. “I mean, I’m sorry, let’s go $200 for the category ‘Crossword Clues E.'”
For the answer “Full name of the U-2 pilot shot down over the Soviet Union in 1960,” Matthews responded, “Who is Gary Powers?” The correct response was “Who is Francis Gary Powers?”
“We need the full name,” host Alex Trebek told Matthews.
“Who is Gary Powers?” Matthews said, repeating himself.
“No,” Trebek said to audience laughter.
Later, after Trebek said, “A U.S.D.C. is one of these, charged with the jurisdiction of a specific region,” Matthews responded, “What is a U.S. attorney?”
The correct answer was “What is a district court?”
“In 1986, the Supreme Court ruled that the ‘hostile environment’ type of this can be sex discrimination.”
Matthews responded, “What is a hostile workplace?” The correct answer was “What is sexual harrassment?”
In the category “6-Letter World Capitals,” the clue was “St. Basil’s Cathedral is there.” Matthews responded: “What is Istanbul?”
The correct answer: “What is Moscow?”


Mathews once used “Jeopardy!” to criticize Sarah Palin.



“I’d go on dat Jeperdy if dey asked me. But first I gotta figure out why dey is always askin’ da answer before da question.”

– Race-baiter,  Jew-hater, homophobe, Obama-intimate and possible Jeperdy contestant, Al Sharpton


“You spelled it wrong, Al.  It’s J-e-p-o-r-d-y, with an ‘o.'”

Obama: Al, here’s some practice: ‘They call this ass-kissing show I was on, ’60 Minutes.’ What’s the question?
Sharpton: Whattaya mean? I don’t have a question.
Obama: No, I mean you’re supposed to make-up a question to match the answer.
Sharpton: What answer?
Obama: Of the statement I just made: that ‘they call this show I was on ’60 Minutes.’  So what’s the question?”
Sharpton: I don’t have a question.
Obama: No, you’re supposed to make one up.
Sharpton: I don’t know what the hell you talking about.
Obama: That’s how Jepordy is played.
Sharpton: Hm. I see… You know I think you spelling it wrong.
Obama: Spelling what wrong?
Sharpton: Gotcha! ‘What is Jeperdy?’
Obama: Jepaordy is a game.
Sharpton: I know it’s a game!– And I just played it wit chu and I won!
Obama: I don’t understand.
Sharpton: What are you, Hillary Clinton or somethin’?? Dumbass, I just said ‘I don’t think you spelling it right,’ and you came back wit da question!
Obama: Hm… That’s true… So you know what that means.
Sharpton: No, what does dat mean?
Obama: Ha! – I got you!
Sharpton: I don’t undastand.
Obama: I said, ‘So you know what that means,’ and you asked a question!
Sharpton: Hey, dat’s right.
Obama: Everything is backwards.
Sharpton:  ‘What is America wit Obama in da White House!’  — Ha! Gottcha again!

(Obama advisor and Hitler lookalike David Axelrod enters the room, annoyed)
Alexlrod: What are you two morons doing?


(To be continued…)

Another Leftist Scam: Global Sweetening!

Published on May 15, 2012,

Breaking Nooz From The Left:  Sugar Can Make You Dumb! 


Sugar can make you dumb, corrupt US scientists warn. Researchers at the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) fed two groups of rats a solution containing high-fructose corn syrup — a common ingredient in processed foods — as drinking water for six weeks. “We forced rats to each drink 12 gallons of fructose a day. Just before their stomachs exploded, we put a piece of cheese in the same place we put it before the force-feeding of the fructose. Amazingly, as the rats lay on their backs writhing in pain as they were dying, they totally ignored the cheese — and we think they probably didn’t remember where it was! (Well, we did consider the possibility the rats were full from all the fructose pumped into their stomachs. We’re not entirely sure. But we sure got a lot of rat guts all over the place — and a nice new grant from the Obama administration to study dumbness and global warming.)”




Famous sugar-dumbness sufferers:


-Poster child.


-Poster of the poster child (Courtesy of Bighairynews.com)



-Dumbness victim, with additional side-effect of severe flatulence.



-Dumbness victim., with side effect of big-mouth/small thoughts syndrome.



-Dumbness victim, hooked on booze. (Old, sad story.)



-Long-term fructose addict: idiocy in its purest manifestation.



“It was the fructose poisonging — it finally got to me! That‘s why I endorsed Obama. See, I’m not a piece of @#$%! I’m still the cuddly old grand dame of show biz, right?”

-Betty White, piece of @#$%.



(Can you come up with your own a scam to control the way people live or eat? If so, send it to us. We might just publish it — then use it to take over the world. We promise to make you a commissar — or something.)




Dog-eater Issues New Threat to Supreme Court over ObamaCare: “Lift your leg on Obamacare and I bite the old people!”

Published on May 15, 2012,

The first ‘gay-Jewish-blah-blah-blah’ President? How about The first dictator-President?

(How about Elizabethh ‘Sitting Stupid‘ Warren is an Eskimo?)


It takes Fox News and the Canadian press to report this. American ‘newz‘ outlets bury it:


Barack Obama Issues New Threat to Supreme Court over ObamaCare

-Not only eats dogs, but looking forward to well-seasoned old people, too. (Hey, where’s his smile?)


Fox News’ Martha McCallum advised Thursday that the Obama Administration has been quietly sending missives to the Supreme Court threatening that if it doesn’t rule in his favor on ObamaCare, Medicare will face disruption and “chaos.”  Therefore, if SCOTUS rules in favor of the US Constitution, Obama & Co will begin its campaign to either destroy Medicare or make those on it suffer greatly.  The Obama syndicate is said to be threatening to hold off Medicare payments to doctors and hospitals if SCOTUS does not comply with Obama’s demands and submit to him. 


 On 1 May and 2 May Obama issued two additional unconstitutional and illegal Executive Orders.  The first E.O., issued 1 May 2012, makes the USA subject to “international regulations” as opposed to looking to and following the US Constitution.  Also, with this new E.O., the US FDA will now be able to be bypassed by International committees—thus, replacing the FDA with any international group which may be chosen.  In essence, Obama is quickly eliminating US Sovereignty and selling the USA to the international “community. The second E.O. issued in 2 days was signed by Obama on 2 May 2012.  This E.O. instructs the USA to bow to international regulations instead of the US Constitution and Businessweek reports:  “Obama’s order provides a framework to organize scattered efforts to promote international regulatory cooperation, the chamber’s top global regulatory official said today.



So, America: On November 2nd, you have to make a very serious pick.

(Some are making their pick sooner.)

-Do not pick this lunatic.



Obama-endorser Betty White jumps into action:

“They blackmailed me into endorsing him I tell you! I’m not a piece of @#$% — he is! You people have got to believe me! (But don’t quote me, because you know I’ll lose my “cute older person” status with the ‘newz’ media.)



Even Obama’s in-house race-baiter Al Sharpton weighs in:

“I told Barack to tell dat Supreme Court dey better fall in line on dis Obamacare thing, or we gonna get ’em — cause we know where dey all live!  (Except for dat Kagan and white Mexican Sotomayor — dey in da bag for us already.) Dis Obamacare thing is important — cause it ain’t about no healthcare, but about us taking over.  Sh-t,  I’d even do anal again for dat Obamacare. (But dis time they’d have to wear protection.) On anotha note, I like dat ‘newz’ satirical thing you came up with  in da headline – nice touch. But if it was me, I’d call it ‘nooz.’ I’m just sayin’.”

-Race baiter, Jew hater, homophobe, bigot, Obama-intimate and MSNBC TV host Al Sharpton



Bristol Palin: The Fine Report to your rescue!

Published on May 14, 2012,


The left in the United States is scared sh-tless of this nice young lady and her mother. But this time around, their defamation won’t go unchallenged. Nor will their evil have its intended effect.


The Fine Report has come to your emotional rescue.



(“Oh no! Not them again!”)

‘Fraid so, you nose-picking, dog-eating, moose-marrying incompetent commie fraud.




Ladies and Gentlemen, and non-communists of all ages: We give you Bristol Palin…


Loves her country.



Now, time to get in the trenches…


A show business has-been-that-never-was shills for the Democrat defamation machine and turns on her country, in exhange for a modicum of media attention: Kathy Griffin Calls Bristol Palin A Prostitute



Film Company Owned By Obama Supporter Promotes Violence Against Bristol Palin (What some people will do for a little money. That’s why there’s hell.)



Then, there’s this sell-out:


Betty White supports Barack Obama. (Has no clue why.)


-Betty White: “I am not a piece of @#$%!”  Oh yes you are. “I am not!”  Oh yes you are. “Stop it! I am not a piece of @#$%!”  Oh yes you are.


Says White: “They said if I didn’t sell out my country, I would no longer get attention as the cute elderly stateswoman of show business. So  I sold out my country and endorsed a lunatic for president.  Still, aren’t I adorable?…  What do you mean, ‘I’m a piece of @#$% and I should croak?’  I’m adorable!… ‘What do you mean, ‘I should drop dead in the street, fall flat on my face and every dog walking by should piss on me?! ‘ That is not the deal! — You’re supposed to think I’m adorable!! What?? I am not a piece of @#$%, dammit!! I am Betty White! — Please! – You don’t understand! — They did everything to me! They made me listen to Obama speeches for an hour! Then they held my teeth hostage!!”


No, White, you’ll forevermore be known by a vast majority of our nation to be another piece of @#$% who sold out her country in exchange for a little narcissistic attention.



And here’s  another @#$%, ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth, publisher of the Washington Post (a former prostitute* and drug addict*) who has destroyed a once great American newspaper, using it to print lies about political opponents of people having animous towards our country, merely so these people — get this — will invite her to cocktail parties*:

Washington Post publisher ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth.

For more parody on this dirtbag*, see:




*Denotes parody and political and social commentary. (Gotta love that First Amendment!)


GE’s NBC Hires Obama’s Speechwriter To Write White House Sit-Com: (“The Romneys?”)

Published on May 14, 2012,

The latest hatchet job from NBC (a government-financed and controlled media entity, via government contracts with its parent, General Electric):


A thinly-veiled stab at the Romney family:

“1600 Penn”

“1600 Penn” is described as a “Modern Family-type” sitcom





So how about this sit-com? It’d be a lot funnier — and more realistic:

MSNBC Presents:

“The Obamaz!”

The All-American family!



Starring Barry Obama as The Prez!

The smartest man in America, at the lever of American enterprise



Starring Michelle Obama as The Glamorous First Lady!

Fashion and glamour icon, Michelle Obama, on $10 million vacation


Co-Starring Al Sharpton as Uncle Al The Bigot!

“Baby, you better no be no Jew, white Mexican, or especially not one of dem cross-dressin’ fags. Rememba, I don’t do anal, except for a lotta money. And it don’t look to me like you got it.”



Co-Starring Elizabeth Warren as Mother-in-law Lizzie ‘Sitting Stupid’ Sotelo!

“Barry’s part Indian-giver, too!”



Co-Starring Joe Biden as Joe The Butler!

“Eleven people coming for dinner tonight, right?”



Co-Starring Nancy Pelosi as Mrs. Busybody, The Loudmouth Housekeeper!

“What do I have to do, shout it in front of a microphone so you’ll hear? Okay, I’ll do it: You people are slobs! It smells like a barn in here!”




Co-Starring Hillary Clinton as Hillary The Hard-Partying Secretary!

“Oops! The smartest woman in America forgot about the security camera again.”



Co-Starring John Boehner as Mr. Blubber, The Hapless Opposition Leader!

 “Not fair — they never let me win!”




And the Obama Girls, Gone Wild!

“Hey, at least I kept my top on — my sister didn’t!”



Musical performances by Welfare Queen!

 “Now I got two reputations to look out for!”



And special musical guest, The New Black Panther Minstrels!

 “All right boys, let’s pick it up from the top:   “America… America…  God shed his grace on thee….  And crown thy good with brotherhood, from see to shining sea!’…  One more time! — ‘America… America…'”




The reviews are!  Says arbitor of taste, George Clooney:

“It’s hilarious!! Even my agent laughed! And he never laughs at anything!!






Special thanks to Scooter Van Neuter at Bighairynews.com for his art and his courtesy.




Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com



Hugo Chavez Returns Home After More Mutilation at Hands of Cuban Healthcare System Doctors

Published on May 14, 2012,


Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned home Friday after 11 days of cancer treatment in Cuba, saying his latest round of radiation therapy was successful. “I still have some body parts,” said Chavez.  “Of course, I must rigorously follow the medical advice in these coming days in order to continue recuperating,” Chavez said.





The Fine Report has the exclusive on the medical advice Chavez received. It was short, but concise:


Havana Hospital Clinico Quirugico de 26

Paciente: Hugo Chavez
Consejo: “Make appointment with Jewish doctor in New York,  hazlo tan pronto como puedas!”




To see the hell-hole that is the Cuban healthcare system actually is:



Marty Malamute: Can we have a frank discussion about our country?

Published on May 13, 2012,

 From Martin “Marty” Malamute, political analyst for The Fine Report:


“At some point, we need to have a very frank discussion about the future of our country and this dog-eating fraud we’ve got in high office.  I believe that in a few weeks, the reality is going to sink in to the Obama White House that with their current advisers, they’re going to get their tails kicked in November. At that point, they are going to then accept outside professional management in the White house until at least the election. (Look for the return of some of the people who got ‘Bark’ elected in 2008 to reappear. And don’t think they’re going to help just to get thrown a bone — they’ll extract big political paybacks.) So things are get more challenging for us as their new people come at us with their fur up. But I still think we’re going to send this a-hole packing, and with his tail fully between his legs, so do not get discouraged, no matter what they throw at us. Trust me: their bark will be worse than their bite. So all you conservative political animals: keep your temper on a short leash, but your teeth very, very sharp (and free of tartar — you’ll avoid that ‘doggie breath’ thing that could turn off a swing voter).  And remember: if you haven’t had your vet squeeze your anal glands this year, do it now, so you don’t wind up like nose-pickers Obama and Hillary Clinton, and get caught on camera licking your ass.”


“‘Till next time,”

Marty Malamute, political analyst for The Fine Report



A review of Marty’s polticial no-no’s:



“Depending on how much money you have, you really can pick your nose. But no matter how much money you have, you cannot pick your family.”

-Michael Jackson, picking his nose




Published on May 13, 2012,



It is an axiom of life, and, by the way, an accurate but unfortunate method to tell if someone is truly a loser.


(Seeing you will remind them of who they really are, and they will hate you for it.)


– Loser.









-Oprah was shoved aside by Michelle Obama, just as Oprah’s audience shoved her aside as they realized she helped put a lunatic and his crazy wife in White House.


(It took a construction crew and a backhoe, but eventually she was shoved aside.)


 In his new book, “The Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House,” journalist Edward Klein reveals how even former friends and political allies of the president have become frustrated with his remoteness and bungling of crises. Klein, former editor of The New York Times Magazine and frequent contributor to Vanity Fair, interviewed numerous members of Obama’s inner circle.



(All right, back to the jokes:)


“Isn’t Oprah lovely? So calm and collected as she gets stabbed in the back by the loser she miraculously put in White House. So, so lovely. As lovely as Michelle Obama, who is so calm and collected as she stabs Oprah after beginning to hate Oprah for reminding her of her suspect past and her inherently trashy nature.  Mitt and I are thinking of appearing on Oprahs’ show with Michelle, where we might announce our endorsement of Michelle’s lovely husband, ‘The Amateur.'”

-Ann Romney



Drawing may provide insight into Iran’s nuclear intentions

Published on May 13, 2012,
VIENNA –  A drawing based on information from inside an Iranian military facility creates suspicion among U.N. inspectors that Tehran is conducting tests in a containment chamber of the type neeed for atomic bomb testing.




-Rendering of suspicious drawing discovered in Iranian nuclear facility.




 ‘This whole thing has been just too easy. It really has.”




“Isn’t he just so calm and composed for a man destroying the greatest nation on Earth?  I think he’s as lovely as his wife. Both, just so lovely. Mitt and I are both considering endorsing him this November.”

-Ann Romney


Lincoln was right: you CAN ‘fool some of the people all of the time’

Published on May 13, 2012,

“You can fool some of the people some of the time. You can fool some of the people all of the time. But you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”

-Former U.S. President Abraham Lincoln



Obama voters, fooled all of the time:


“Because if I was dead, I wouldn’t be ‘in,’ right?”




(OTHER way, dopey!)




“We not only believe in Chang, we love him!”




“Thank you! Wow, I didn’t think people outside NanoBioMedicine academics read my overview on the development of table-top x-ray microscopes for 3D intracellular and molecular imaging. Apparently, you two did! If you have any questions about the improvement optimization (I know, I know — you’d think the acquisition time would be set already for the build) don’t hesitate to ask.”


Chang Chang, Ph.D., Drexel University, Philadelphia, PA




“What’s an ‘academic?'”


Tech Talk, With Guest Expert Al Sharpton

Published on May 13, 2012,


Question: What is the difference between a $30  1.14 HDMI cable from a reputable online dealer, and a $150  1.14 HDMI cable from Best Buy?


– HDMI cable


Answer:  $120


Guest expert, MSNBC’s Al Sharpton explains:


“HDMI means ‘High Definition Media Interface.’ It sends da audio and da video at da same time. Dere’s different kinds, like dere’s different kinds of Mexicans. For instance: you need a 1.14 type HDMI cable to use 3D, just like you need a white Mexican to utilize racial divisiveness. So without dat 1.14 designation, you can’t get dat 3D outta da cable box, just like without dat white Mexican, you can’t start a riot. So unless you got dis 1.14 cable, dat 3D signal you trying to make work is gonna just show up blank, or the signal gonna cut out at times. And when you watchin’ dat porn, I found it always cuts out at da crucial time, and I gotta wait and start all over again. And wouldn’t ya know, it always seems to happen right after my show, while I’m sittin’ around waitin’ for dat car to pick me up. (I don’t know if you rememba, but my own car got repossessed. Hopefully, you forgot.)  Just be sure when you buy dis cable online, you don’t get ripped off by no Jews trying to sell you some inferior cable, like dey always trying to do. Da best deal I found was from da ‘Zimmerman HDMI Cables R Us Company’ (dey got dat free shipping, moneys back guarantee and good reviews, too), but I wouldn’t buy it cause of dat name. Cause now dat he’s out, dat Zimmerman probably started dis company, knowing black people needs dem cables in particular, bein’ his trial is comin’ up on TV, as well as dey watching me on MSNBC all da time.


“Hope dat answers your question!”


-GE’s MSNBC television host, race-baiter, anti-Semite, homophobe, Obama-intimate and now HDMI expert Al Sharpton




“Great piece, Al. I always wondered what ‘HDMI’ meant. So  what does ‘cable’ mean?”

“Dat’s my next column, Barack. I don’t want to give away da surprise answer yet.”


-Lecturer, race-baiter, anti-Semite, homophobe and HDMI expert Al Sharpton with his close friend and political ally, the president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.





“Have you sh-t-for-brains connected the dots** yet?”

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky



“Isn’t Al Sharpton just so calm and composed for a man unofficially in charge of helping Barack Obama destroy the social fabric of the greatest nation on Earth?  Being he’s got that TV show and doesn’t need to scream as  much anymore, I think he’s lovely. Like Michelle Obama. Both, just so lovely. Mitt and I are both considering Al for the V.P. slot this November, if we don’t endorse Barack instead.”

-Ann Romney



*For some further HDMI info:



**The phrase “connect the dots,” is a way of suggesting that if someone considers various pieces of evidence and then considers them in the aggregate, that person will see the obvious truth about a matter under consideration. (Or not, if you’re a supporter of Barack Obama, yet you are not a socialist or communist.)


Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com



Former Romney ‘Dumbass Strategy’ Is Back

Published on May 13, 2012,


(Mitt, it is time to ditch your ‘Etch-a-Sketchers of stupid,’ once and for all.)



The gag fell off Ann Romney’s mouth, and the Romney ‘dumbass strategy’ flew back into action:


Ann Romney: “Michelle Obama is ‘lovely.”


Ann Romney praises Michelle Obama for “keeping her calm” and having “composure.”










“Wow! Now, all the democrats will vote for Mitt! All the corrupt talks show hosts will love Ann Romney! Golly gee!”


No, dumbass!  Just as you started jamming it to this lunatic and got your base to grow a woody for you, you screw up by sending your wife out to slap it down.


Perhaps if Ann Romney looted the U.S. Treasury of $20,000,000.00 for personal vacations as Michelle Obama did, and has a staff of 29 servants being paid by the U.S. Treasury as Michelle Obama does, a news and entertainment media doing her thinking and dressing, as well as further understanding that the Obamas are quite content watching the disiintegration of the United States, she’d understand why Michelle Obama is feeling ‘calm and composed.’


Is Ann Romney next going to praise Osama bin Laden’s ten wives for being ‘calm and composed’ during the U.S. raid that waxed him?


Mitt, it is time to ditch the ‘Etch-a-Sketchers of stupid’ on your staff, once and for all.  Stop pouring cold water on the passions of people who would fight to elect you.


And at the very least, the Obama’s don’t need you to sing made-up praises. They have a completely corrupted news media doing it for them.




Lovely this,  you @#$%&!!”



Published on May 12, 2012,


Forget Match.com or Ilikebeingtiedupandgettingtheshitbeatoutofme.com – we can do it better. And for free:



Hottie Seeking Blind Man, or Aztec:

I’m an adventurous babe, hot-bodied and hot-blooded, but a completely lovable hair stylist. I finally found employment in a coal mine, but I am truly an outdoors girl at heart. I don’t like most guys (especially ones with good eyesight) but my true love just might be you!  Here’s hoping we can find love and live together into our golden and dark-green years.
Must have own dog or sacrificial alter, and must not be magnetic.
 –Petunia 4549, c/o thefinereport@gmail.com



TV Personality Seeking Womans:

Hard-hittin’, justice seekin’ black man wit TV show, seeks womans for companionship and more. Much more. I like going to dem movies once in a while, and drinking, and dancing sometimes, and watchin’ dem porno DVDs.  I used to be into preaching, but dat cut into da profits. Unless you got a lot of money: no white-Mexicans, Jews or anal.
Can’t be named Zimmerman, either.
 -Al 8275, c/o thefinereport.com
© Copyright TheFineReport.com 2013 All Rights Reserved