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Who Says John Edwards Doesn’t Have Pull?

Published on May 17, 2012,

Knowing his friend John Edwards is about to visit the hoosegow:

 

Obama Orders Prisons to Step Up Anti-rape Efforts

“We mean it. No more dicking around!”

 

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2012/05/17/justice_prisons_to_step_up_anti_rape_efforts/

 

 

-New prison anti-rape device, designed and personally tested by Barack Obama.

 

 

“If I have a cellmate, please let me be the ‘daddy.'”

 

-John Edwards, praying to be the ‘daddy’

 

 

 

 

 

…Okay Edwards, you’re the ‘daddy.’ Now come on over here and suck ‘mommy’s’ d—.”

 

 

 
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As if You Needed Another Reason Not to Waste Your Money On Newspapers:

Published on May 17, 2012,

Obama Baby-sitter Warren Buffett to buy 63 newspapers

http://www.omaha.com/article/20120517/NEWS01/120519629#buffett-to-buy-63-newspapers

 

 And he ain’t happy about having to buy them:

 

Buffett: “How stupid are you? What kind of dumbbell could blow the deal we got with you in the White House? Huh? I ought to splap that stupid grin you walk around with right off your face!  Now, cause of you and your big mouth, your wife’s big mouth and both your pea brains, the only way I can get you decent press is to go out and buy 63 goddam newspapers! Stupid! Idiot! Moron! Sh-t for brains! A-hole!… Now, do you want to know how I really feel, you sad excuse for a Manhurian man! Stick to the script, moron! Do not deviate from it! Do you understand, you melon-headed deranged bag of human offal! And my new Buffett rule: never again send a douche to do the job of  a Manchurian. We have a country to destroy, man — get with it! And your watch — it still has the wrong time!!”

 

Obama: “Sorry. Can I go  now?”

 

-Warren Buffett and Melon-head.

 

 

Comments? Questions? Want a massage with a happy ending?

thefinereport@gmail.com

 

 

Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com

 

 
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(No Joke:) POWERFUL PEOPLE WHO HAD ENABLED OBAMA ARE NOW PANICKING HE MIGHT BE RE-ELECTED

Published on May 17, 2012,

 

THE EVIDENCE is in the form of leaks of information suddenly appearing. Here are but two examples:

 

GOP probe uncovers deal between Obama and drug companies:

Internal emails obtained by House Republicans now provide evidence that a deal was struck and GOP investigators are promising to release more details in the coming weeks.
“What the hell?” White House Deputy Chief of Staff Jim Messina, who is now Obama’s campaign manager, complained to a lobbyist for the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) in January 15, 2010 email. “This wasn’t part of our deal.”

http://campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/beltway-confidential/gop-probe-uncovers-deal-between-obama-and-drug-cos/546256

 

Obama’s Literary Agent in 1991 Booklet: ‘Born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii’

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2012/05/17/The-Vetting-Barack-Obama-Literary-Agent-1991-Born-in-Kenya-Raised-Indonesia-Hawaii

 

The financial crisis wasn’t an accident:

Dick Morris, Lou Dobbs, Larry Kudlow, Newt Gingrich, John Bolton, and other champions of freedom have come together in a special video to reveal the truth about what really happened behind closed doors on Sept. 18, 2008 ,  and how we are in for at least 15 more years of financial reckoning. That it was all a part of an elaborate ‘arrangement’ between Wall Street, Washington, and too-big-to-fail conglomerates in order to protect their fortunes while making American citizens accountable for their mistakes . Evidence that the last four years of economic hardship are only the beginning of what experts are calling “The Final Turning.”

http://w3.newsmax.com/a/final_turning/video.cfm?promo_code=EE49-1

 

(MORE TO COME AS STORY DEVELOPS)

 

 

SIDEBAR with Crazy Pelosi:

 

Pelosi: Boehner ‘immature and irresponsible.’  House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., described the recent call for spending cuts voiced by Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, as “immature [and] irresponsible” today.

http://news.yahoo.com/pelosi-boehner-immature-cut-spending-more-debt-limit-163208156.html

 

Once again Crazy Pelosi says something crazy. Crazy Pelosi fails to pinpoint Boehner’s real problem (and ours): cowardice, rino-ism, a GOP hack-ism.

 

“But not a snitch!”

(“And don’t forget  da ‘he’s on da other side-ism.“‘)

 

 

“At least I’m not a piece of @#$% like that old crow Betty White we trotted out.”

 

-Crazy Nancy Pelosi, the mother of all pieces of @#$%.

 

 

BOEHNER JUMPS INTO ACTION:

BEGINS CRYING IMMEDIATELY:

“Why  is everybody always picking on me?”

 

 

WHAT BOEHNER SHOULD HAVE DONE:

 

“If someone doesn’t take a sock off and stick it in that jackass’s mouth, I’m going to shut it with this damn mallet!”

 

Or not…

 

 

 

“Isn’t Nancy Pelosi lovely? So lovely… As lovely as Michelle Obama. And so calm and composed as she destroys the nation. Mitt and I might even endorse her for another shot at the House Speaker position.”

-Ann Romney

 

 

 

Ann, stop it! Stop it already! PLEASE! Talk about something else if if you have nothing to say about the crazy people destroying our country except to pay them a compliment. Puh-lease!

 

 

 
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Congressional Burglaries Baffle Staff, Police

Published on May 17, 2012,

http://nationaljournal.com/daily/house-burglaries-baffle-staff-police-20120516

 

Puzzling break-ins over the last month at the offices of at least three House members and several committees have U.S. Capitol Police gumshoes working to find a pattern and the culprits, with missing items ranging from cash and expensive computer equipment to autographed baseballs and alcohol.

 

In at least four of the cases, thieves broke into the offices at night when doors were locked, leading some staffers to believe they were victims of an inside job.

 

“The evidence points to someone with access to my office, and other offices in the Capitol complex, as the perpetrator,” freshman Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-S.C., surmised in a letter to the House’s Office of the Chief Administrative Officer.

 

In each case, items stolen were high in street value. Computer monitors, cameras, and cash were taken most frequently; other items included blazers, personal iPods, and in three cases, alcohol.

 

 

BREAKING:

 

SUSPECT APPREHENDED!

 

“I admit it! There, I said it!

…I did it because no one pays any attention to me anymore…  Please, if only I could have a second chance…”

 

-Suspect, House Speaker John Boehner

 

 

 
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ANOTHER ‘MYSTERIOUS’ KENNEDY DEATH: WIFE OF ROBERT F. KENNEDY XXXLVIII FOUND DEAD AT THEIR HOUSE

Published on May 17, 2012,

 

A useful idiot of the left, Kennedy XXXLVIII’s wife purportedly ‘killed herself’

 

YEAH, RIGHT!

 

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/05/robert-f-kennedy-jr-ex-wife-dead-mary-kennedy-says-source

 

Here are a couple of other doozies in the Kennedy saga of murder:

 

Marilyn Monroe and Mary Jo Kopechne

http://ezinearticles.com/?Marilyn-Monroe-and-Mary-Jo-Kopechne&id=55608

 

-Monroe, a drug-addled histronic, died under mysterious circumstances during a time she was rotating sexual liasons with both then-president John Kenndy and his brother, Robert. It is rumored that both Kennedys feared Monroe would expose the sexual relationships she was having with them (both Kennedy’s were married). It is a common inside joke that Marilyn Monroe ‘slept with everyone in Hollywood. (Except it seems, anyone here at The Fine Report).

 

-Mary Jo Kopechne, drowned under mysterious circumstances in car driven off a bridge  by Senator Edward ‘Ted-leave-em-dead’ Kennedy

 
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Book Excerpt: ‘Ditz,’ by Rachel Madcow

Published on May 17, 2012,

 

BOOK EXCERPT — ENJOY!

 

“DITZ” – The Unmooring of American Military Parking”

by Rachel Madcow

 

-MSNBC hatchet-woman, and author of books only George Soros buys (by the truckload), Rachel Madcow

 

A bird known as the houbara bustard recently provided crucial assistance in making America’s war in Afghanistan (and its spillover in Pakistan) the longest-running military hot show in our nation’s history. ‘How,’ you ask? (By the way, Elizabeth Warren just reacted – she says ‘hello’ to you, too.)

 

While President Obama took a purported ‘bin Laden killing celebratory victory lap’ after actually trying to cover-up having just peed in his pants, the Pakistanis found the entire bin Laden episode hugely shaming. Worse, word quickly leaked out (no pun intended) that our first black President, Barack Obama had not only ordered that the Pakistani military and its intel­ligence service be kept in the dark (no pun intended) while the mission was being executed (pun intended),

 

The Pakistani parliament called the country’s military and intelligence chieftains (Elizabeth Warren says ‘hello’ again) into a closed-door session. The generals had little trouble encouraging par­liament to formally demand that, henceforthheretothereof, the United States would ensure that “Pakistan’s national interests were fully re­spected.” Ally Schmally, the Pakastani Ambassador to the U.N. said the Pakistani people, ‘Ain’t gettin’  no respect – ya hear?!’ The generals suggested a good first step would be forcing the United States to shut down the secret free-parking program the CIA had been run­ning out of an air base in a remote corner of Pakistan called Balochistan. (Coincidentally, balochistan is also the eating disorder of which Michelle Obama suffers.) Unfortunately, in publicizing their demand that the CIA pay for parking at that airbase, the generals also revealed to sur­prised Pakistani legislators . . . that the CIA had been sub-letting parking at higher rates! Worse, none of its agents were even required to  hang a pass from their rear view mirror.

 

This was cause for an uproar in parliament, but the fact that the CIA had been flying armed drones while parking free was less of a surprise to the citizens of the areas those drones were targeting—the tribal regions. “Dey Americans – dey no pay for parking, ven vee all have to pay two-dollar every 20 minutes – and no validations accepted, even if you buy something!”

 

The U.S.’s rather dumpy-looking Secretary of State Hillary Clinton CIA high-tech unmanned air­craft had been used mainly for surveillance in the early stages of the war in Afghanistan. But they could also be armed with Michelle butt-fire Hellfire missiles.  When the Obama administration took over in 2009, the number of drone attacks spiked along with Michelle Obama’s vacation spending. The next year the 2009 numbers more than doubled. So did the number of drone attacks. The Obama administration refused as a mat­ter of policy to officially acknowledge the CIA’s free parking, though they readily admitted the drone attacks. However, they did acknowledge that there was ‘flexibility’ in the base parking policy. In the days following a ‘big got,’ they announced that some key Al-Qaeda or Haqqani Network (or Fox Network?) leader “was killed,” as if the event were an act of providence or, like a rainbow, a remarkable atmospheric happening with all 7 colors, easily remembered by the mnemonic “Roy G. Biv.”

 

Meanwhile, in North and South Waziristan (coincidentally, my mother’s maiden name), the presence of the free parking by the CIA has become a hated fact of life—the locals report­edly call them “parking mother f-ers.” So potentially telling the CIA to get the hell out of the Shamsi parking lot would be a very popular move in Pa­kistan: nor any more free parking for American drone crews launching from Paki­stani soil . . . or else. Or else what? Valet.

 

Well, Pakistan’s air marshal reminded the Obama administration, the  F-16 jets the United States had sold the Pakistani Air Force also required parking for their crews. Obama did not flinch. Free parking had become the centerpiece of Obama’s CIA Global War on Terror employee retention and union benefits programs. Free parking for CIA employees had proved Democrats could be as serious about killing bad guys as Republicans were. In fact, the successes had been among the few bright spots on a fairly bleak political landscape for a stupid, pathetic, weak, inexperienced, under-qualified, fraudulent, lazy America-hating first-term f-ing lunatic. The Obama administration had no intention of pulling up stakes in Shamsi. “That parking facility is neither vacated nor being vacated” was the anonymous but official word from Washington. It was a Mexican standoff in Balochistan. But not a white-Mexican stand-off: there are no Zimmermans with black grandfathers in Pakistan.

 

Here’s where the Houbara bustard provided a little wiggle room in what otherwise looked like a very knotty situation. This tiny forgotten strip of land that held the airbase in Shamsi, it turned out, did not actually belong to Pakistan; it had been qui­etly been foreclosed on by Bank of America a year earlier. You see, Balochistan, aside from being full of spectacular Garden of Eden natural wonders (with its splendid open sewer), is among the few wintering grounds of the Houbara bustard, a bird held in high-esteem among hunters from the UAE and Saudi Arabia and Qatar. In fact, it was a third-party candidate in the recent Egyptian elections. But falconry is the sport of despotic Arab kings, and the poor bustard had long been the preferred prey for falconers. So Arab royalty was really pleased to have this special foot­hold in Balochistan, and right away these potentates started obnoxiously taking up two spots for one car in the CIA parking lot so their fancy-shmancy cars wouldn’t get their doors scratched (which they drive, as Al Sharpton once explained to me, because, ‘If you want to be impotentate, you gotta look impontentate.’)

 

“The sheiks tell me it is the ultimate challenge for the falcon,” but the houbara is also fast, also known as a clever, wary bird, with “a number of tricks.” It is particularly known for its skill at Three Card Monty and another trick where it can produce four aces on top of a card deck, despite shuffling the deck several times. Also among these tricks, the chieftain continued, is an ability of the female to ink-jet “a putrid slime violently from its mouth after several cocktails. Its force is so strong that it can spread for three feet, and spread it all over tile walls.” (I believe they were being polite, and trying to diplomatically describe an episode where Hillary Clinton drank too much then threw-up all over the walls of one of their bathrooms, when she last visited the gulf region.) The belief also persisted that the meat of the bustard was an aphrodisiac, especially its beak. Not hard to see why so many Arab kings routinely rush to Beverly Hills to have broken teeth capped.

 

For the last twenty years or so, Emirati sheiks and Saudi princes and the more general run of ambitious Arab dignitaries had jockeyed for the best allotments in the last good place on earth to hunt the little bustard. But again, where to park?

 

Officials at Pakistan’s Ministry of Environment warned over and over about their ever-dwindling parking at the bustard hunting ground, but they were powerless to keep the Arab potentates to one parking spot per car. “I have yet to meet an Arab that respects a white painted line,” said one ministry man. “What can the Parking Enforcement people do if the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, the president of the UAE or emir of Qatar tear up a ticket they find on their windshield?” Not much, apparently, if Pakistan still wanted cheap oil and dirhams and riyals for flood relief, or jet fighters and tanks.

 

The Emiratis had made one concession that slightly crimped their style in bustard-hunting department. In the weeks after the 9/11 attacks in 2001—when everybody wanted to pitch in—they had agreed, with the consent of Pakistani president Musharraf, to let the Americans use the handicapped parking spaces at the Shamsi base, but only for a few special operations. Otherwise, they’d be towed.

 

Over the years that followed, the CIA agents started parking in handicapped spaces for ordinary operations. So, as Michelle Obama would say, when the “@!$%#” hit the fan in the aftermath of the bin Laden raid, thanks to the Houbara bustard, everybody had an out: the United States denied the CIA was parking in handicapped spaces, and that when they did, it was only when operations were ‘special.’

 

The Pakistanis checked out the records and it turns out this little strip of Balochistan has not been repossessed by Bank of America after all, but was actually  UAE land deeded for bustard hunting! So, sorry, but there’s nothing we can do to alleviate the parking problem in America’s secret drone war operating out of Shamsi. But we do condemn the new valet parking concession everyone is forced to use. (One CIA agent reported his car was returned with a dent on the driver side door. Another agent reporting his sunglasses were stolen. Still another reported finding a used condom in his back seat.)

 

The UAE meanwhile went on record saying they’d only built the parking lot. They assured the world, “it was never operated or controlled by the UAE. If your car was towed from this lot or something was missing from it, talk to the CIA.”

 

And so we still had our drone base in Shamsi, and no skittish ally had to take the blame for the parking problem. Even after the bin Laden raid and the Pakistani  freak-out, America stepped up the already furious pace of the drone attacks, execut­ing  twenty-one  multiple-kill sorties in the next two months and the result was a parking shortage so great the CIA mandated car-pooling of all agents working at the base

 

A U.S. mili­tary official, who also spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the subject, said, “there are presently no U.S. military personnel at Shamsi – just their cars,”  so reported the Associated Press. But he could not speak for the CIA or contractors used by any other U.S. agencies. “The CIA rarely discusses its parking programs, anyway.”

 

When reports surfaced that all US operatives finally packed up and left Shamsi about six months later at the end of 2011, the official word from our government was still . . . no comment. The Obama administration’s counterterrorism czar told a forum at the pres­ident’s alma mater, Harvard Law School, in the fall of 2011, “I’m 1/32 Indian.” The audience chortled knowingly…

 

 

(Ms. Madcow can be reached c/o TheFineReport@gmail.com)

 

The original excerpt on MSNBC’s website:

http://presspass.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/24/10844332-an-excerpt-of-rachel-maddows-new-book-drift?lite

 

 

Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com

thefinereport.com

 
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Email thread (this should be interesting)

Published on May 16, 2012,

Saeed, from who the hell knows where, emails us:

 

“Did you receive my last mail?”

On Wed, May 16, 2012 at 3:44 PM, Mr.Saeed Aban <Sir-SaeedAban@hotmail.com> wrote:

Mr.Saeed Aban Sir-SaeedAban@hotmail.com via clear.net.nz
3:44 PM (2 hours ago)

Reply
to Saeed.Aban
Editor Thefinereport
5:55 PM (0 minutes ago)

Reply
to Sir-SaeedAban

 

We wrote back:

 

“Yes. Where do we send the cash? And what’s a good phone number to reach you at?”

 

(To be continued…)

 
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Can Barack Obama get any more pathetic than this? (Absolutely. He’s just getting warmed-up)

Published on May 16, 2012,

 

The Obama White House is drawing ridicule for appending the official online biographies of nearly every president over the last century in order to link President Obama’s accomplishments to the former commanders in chief.

 

For instance, the following line was added to the official bio of the late President Ronald Reagan: “In a June 28, 1985, speech, Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multimillionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule.”

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/05/16/white-house-under-fire-for-adding-obama-policy-plugs-to-past-presidents-bios/

 

White House liar-in-chief Baghdad Jay Carney comes to the defense:

 

“No biographies have been altered.  But some have been changed and lies have been inserted. This is what is confusing you.”

 

-White House press secretary and professional liar, Baghdad Jay Carney

 

Image courtesy of peoplescube.com

 
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Another Atheist Cries Out to God for Help

Published on May 16, 2012,

American’s foremost useful idiot for the left, ignoramus and sexual harrasser David Letterman:

 

Letterman Campaigns For Obama On ‘Late Show’: ‘What More Do We Want This Man To Do For Us, Honest To God?’

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV/2012/05/16/David-Letterman-Creepy-Obama-Lovefest-What-More-Do-We-Want-This-Man-To-Do

-Confessed sexual harrasser, and ignorant leftist shill, David Letterman

 

Letterman’s apology for revelations of sexual relationships with staff members:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/06/business/media/06letterman.html

 

 

No comment necessary.

 

But here’s one anyway: we want this ‘Obama’ clown to disappear  — and Letterman, it’d be nice if you went along with him.

 

“So how come he’s not a piece of @#$% too??”

 

Don’t worry Betty, he is.

 
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What little is left of Chris Mathews’ reputation, is in ‘jeopardy’

Published on May 16, 2012,

This ignoramus is on television, telling people what to think?

MSNBC Moron Chris Matthews, bombs on ‘Jeopardy’

-Failed all questions on modern history and American government

“Mr. Zero”

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/chris-matthews-bombs-jeopardy-141427472.html;_ylt=AlgAUz4RX3isvJqhpkrpuzWZCMZ_;_ylu=X3oDMTRtcm1uOXRlBG1pdANGZWF0dXJlZCBCbG9nIFRoZSBVcHNob3QgTmV0d29yawRwa2cDYTFlOTUxMDAtNjM1MC0zOWMyLTg4YmItOGJkZmYyNWEzMTdlBHBvcwMzBHNlYwNNZWRpYUZlYXR1cmVkTGlzdFRlbXAEdmVyAzFlZDdmYzEwLTllYzYtMTFlMS1iM2ZlLTg0MTk0Y2IxNzI5ZQ–;_ylg=X3oDMTM3aTA1ZHE3BGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDNzAyM2E4MTgtN2EzNi0zNjdiLTg4NGYtZDZkOTYzNDE0MGIxBHBzdGNhdANvcmlnaW5hbHN8dGhlbG9va291dARwdANzdG9yeXBhZ2U-;_ylv=3

 

Problems started for Matthews when he requested a category in the form of a question.
“Let’s go back to, what is ‘Crossword Clues E?'” Matthews said. “I mean, I’m sorry, let’s go $200 for the category ‘Crossword Clues E.'”
For the answer “Full name of the U-2 pilot shot down over the Soviet Union in 1960,” Matthews responded, “Who is Gary Powers?” The correct response was “Who is Francis Gary Powers?”
“We need the full name,” host Alex Trebek told Matthews.
“Who is Gary Powers?” Matthews said, repeating himself.
“No,” Trebek said to audience laughter.
Later, after Trebek said, “A U.S.D.C. is one of these, charged with the jurisdiction of a specific region,” Matthews responded, “What is a U.S. attorney?”
The correct answer was “What is a district court?”
“In 1986, the Supreme Court ruled that the ‘hostile environment’ type of this can be sex discrimination.”
Matthews responded, “What is a hostile workplace?” The correct answer was “What is sexual harrassment?”
In the category “6-Letter World Capitals,” the clue was “St. Basil’s Cathedral is there.” Matthews responded: “What is Istanbul?”
The correct answer: “What is Moscow?”

 

Mathews once used “Jeopardy!” to criticize Sarah Palin.

 

 

“I’d go on dat Jeperdy if dey asked me. But first I gotta figure out why dey is always askin’ da answer before da question.”

– Race-baiter,  Jew-hater, homophobe, Obama-intimate and possible Jeperdy contestant, Al Sharpton

 

“You spelled it wrong, Al.  It’s J-e-p-o-r-d-y, with an ‘o.'”

Obama: Al, here’s some practice: ‘They call this ass-kissing show I was on, ’60 Minutes.’ What’s the question?
Sharpton: Whattaya mean? I don’t have a question.
Obama: No, I mean you’re supposed to make-up a question to match the answer.
Sharpton: What answer?
Obama: Of the statement I just made: that ‘they call this show I was on ’60 Minutes.’  So what’s the question?”
Sharpton: I don’t have a question.
Obama: No, you’re supposed to make one up.
Sharpton: I don’t know what the hell you talking about.
Obama: That’s how Jepordy is played.
Sharpton: Hm. I see… You know I think you spelling it wrong.
Obama: Spelling what wrong?
Sharpton: Gotcha! ‘What is Jeperdy?’
Obama: Jepaordy is a game.
Sharpton: I know it’s a game!– And I just played it wit chu and I won!
Obama: I don’t understand.
Sharpton: What are you, Hillary Clinton or somethin’?? Dumbass, I just said ‘I don’t think you spelling it right,’ and you came back wit da question!
Obama: Hm… That’s true… So you know what that means.
Sharpton: No, what does dat mean?
Obama: Ha! – I got you!
Sharpton: I don’t undastand.
Obama: I said, ‘So you know what that means,’ and you asked a question!
Sharpton: Hey, dat’s right.
Obama: Everything is backwards.
Sharpton:  ‘What is America wit Obama in da White House!’  — Ha! Gottcha again!

(Obama advisor and Hitler lookalike David Axelrod enters the room, annoyed)
Alexlrod: What are you two morons doing?

 

(To be continued…)
 
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Another Leftist Scam: Global Sweetening!

Published on May 15, 2012,

Breaking Nooz From The Left:  Sugar Can Make You Dumb! 

 

Sugar can make you dumb, corrupt US scientists warn. Researchers at the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) fed two groups of rats a solution containing high-fructose corn syrup — a common ingredient in processed foods — as drinking water for six weeks. “We forced rats to each drink 12 gallons of fructose a day. Just before their stomachs exploded, we put a piece of cheese in the same place we put it before the force-feeding of the fructose. Amazingly, as the rats lay on their backs writhing in pain as they were dying, they totally ignored the cheese — and we think they probably didn’t remember where it was! (Well, we did consider the possibility the rats were full from all the fructose pumped into their stomachs. We’re not entirely sure. But we sure got a lot of rat guts all over the place — and a nice new grant from the Obama administration to study dumbness and global warming.)”

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/sugar-dumb-us-scientists-warn-190918006.html

 

 

Famous sugar-dumbness sufferers:

 

-Poster child.

 

-Poster of the poster child (Courtesy of Bighairynews.com)

 

 

-Dumbness victim, with additional side-effect of severe flatulence.

 

 

-Dumbness victim., with side effect of big-mouth/small thoughts syndrome.

 

 

-Dumbness victim, hooked on booze. (Old, sad story.)

 

 

-Long-term fructose addict: idiocy in its purest manifestation.

 

 

“It was the fructose poisonging — it finally got to me! That‘s why I endorsed Obama. See, I’m not a piece of @#$%! I’m still the cuddly old grand dame of show biz, right?”

-Betty White, piece of @#$%.

 

 

(Can you come up with your own a scam to control the way people live or eat? If so, send it to us. We might just publish it — then use it to take over the world. We promise to make you a commissar — or something.)

 

 

 
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Dog-eater Issues New Threat to Supreme Court over ObamaCare: “Lift your leg on Obamacare and I bite the old people!”

Published on May 15, 2012,

The first ‘gay-Jewish-blah-blah-blah’ President? How about The first dictator-President?

(How about Elizabethh ‘Sitting Stupid‘ Warren is an Eskimo?)

 

It takes Fox News and the Canadian press to report this. American ‘newz‘ outlets bury it:

 

Barack Obama Issues New Threat to Supreme Court over ObamaCare

-Not only eats dogs, but looking forward to well-seasoned old people, too. (Hey, where’s his smile?)

 

Fox News’ Martha McCallum advised Thursday that the Obama Administration has been quietly sending missives to the Supreme Court threatening that if it doesn’t rule in his favor on ObamaCare, Medicare will face disruption and “chaos.”  Therefore, if SCOTUS rules in favor of the US Constitution, Obama & Co will begin its campaign to either destroy Medicare or make those on it suffer greatly.  The Obama syndicate is said to be threatening to hold off Medicare payments to doctors and hospitals if SCOTUS does not comply with Obama’s demands and submit to him. 

 

 On 1 May and 2 May Obama issued two additional unconstitutional and illegal Executive Orders.  The first E.O., issued 1 May 2012, makes the USA subject to “international regulations” as opposed to looking to and following the US Constitution.  Also, with this new E.O., the US FDA will now be able to be bypassed by International committees—thus, replacing the FDA with any international group which may be chosen.  In essence, Obama is quickly eliminating US Sovereignty and selling the USA to the international “community. The second E.O. issued in 2 days was signed by Obama on 2 May 2012.  This E.O. instructs the USA to bow to international regulations instead of the US Constitution and Businessweek reports:  “Obama’s order provides a framework to organize scattered efforts to promote international regulatory cooperation, the chamber’s top global regulatory official said today.

http://www.canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/46448

 

So, America: On November 2nd, you have to make a very serious pick.

(Some are making their pick sooner.)

-Do not pick this lunatic.

 

 

Obama-endorser Betty White jumps into action:

“They blackmailed me into endorsing him I tell you! I’m not a piece of @#$% — he is! You people have got to believe me! (But don’t quote me, because you know I’ll lose my “cute older person” status with the ‘newz’ media.)

 

 

Even Obama’s in-house race-baiter Al Sharpton weighs in:

“I told Barack to tell dat Supreme Court dey better fall in line on dis Obamacare thing, or we gonna get ’em — cause we know where dey all live!  (Except for dat Kagan and white Mexican Sotomayor — dey in da bag for us already.) Dis Obamacare thing is important — cause it ain’t about no healthcare, but about us taking over.  Sh-t,  I’d even do anal again for dat Obamacare. (But dis time they’d have to wear protection.) On anotha note, I like dat ‘newz’ satirical thing you came up with  in da headline – nice touch. But if it was me, I’d call it ‘nooz.’ I’m just sayin’.”

-Race baiter, Jew hater, homophobe, bigot, Obama-intimate and MSNBC TV host Al Sharpton

 

 
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Bristol Palin: The Fine Report to your rescue!

Published on May 14, 2012,

 

The left in the United States is scared sh-tless of this nice young lady and her mother. But this time around, their defamation won’t go unchallenged. Nor will their evil have its intended effect.

 

The Fine Report has come to your emotional rescue.

 

 

(“Oh no! Not them again!”)

‘Fraid so, you nose-picking, dog-eating, moose-marrying incompetent commie fraud.

 

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, and non-communists of all ages: We give you Bristol Palin…

 

Loves her country.

 

 

Now, time to get in the trenches…

 

A show business has-been-that-never-was shills for the Democrat defamation machine and turns on her country, in exhange for a modicum of media attention: Kathy Griffin Calls Bristol Palin A Prostitute

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV/2012/05/14/Kathy-Griffin-Says-Bristol-Palin-Prostitution-Tweet-A-Favor

 

Film Company Owned By Obama Supporter Promotes Violence Against Bristol Palin (What some people will do for a little money. That’s why there’s hell.)

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Hollywood/2012/05/14/Mark-Cuban-Violence-Against-Bristol

 

Then, there’s this sell-out:

 

Betty White supports Barack Obama. (Has no clue why.)

http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20120513/PC1603/120519647/1031&slId=5

-Betty White: “I am not a piece of @#$%!”  Oh yes you are. “I am not!”  Oh yes you are. “Stop it! I am not a piece of @#$%!”  Oh yes you are.

 

Says White: “They said if I didn’t sell out my country, I would no longer get attention as the cute elderly stateswoman of show business. So  I sold out my country and endorsed a lunatic for president.  Still, aren’t I adorable?…  What do you mean, ‘I’m a piece of @#$% and I should croak?’  I’m adorable!… ‘What do you mean, ‘I should drop dead in the street, fall flat on my face and every dog walking by should piss on me?! ‘ That is not the deal! — You’re supposed to think I’m adorable!! What?? I am not a piece of @#$%, dammit!! I am Betty White! — Please! – You don’t understand! — They did everything to me! They made me listen to Obama speeches for an hour! Then they held my teeth hostage!!”

 

No, White, you’ll forevermore be known by a vast majority of our nation to be another piece of @#$% who sold out her country in exchange for a little narcissistic attention.

 

 

And here’s  another @#$%, ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth, publisher of the Washington Post (a former prostitute* and drug addict*) who has destroyed a once great American newspaper, using it to print lies about political opponents of people having animous towards our country, merely so these people — get this — will invite her to cocktail parties*:

Washington Post publisher ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth.

For more parody on this dirtbag*, see:

http://thefinereport.com/2012/05/parody/

 

 

*Denotes parody and political and social commentary. (Gotta love that First Amendment!)

 
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GE’s NBC Hires Obama’s Speechwriter To Write White House Sit-Com: (“The Romneys?”)

Published on May 14, 2012,

The latest hatchet job from NBC (a government-financed and controlled media entity, via government contracts with its parent, General Electric):

 

A thinly-veiled stab at the Romney family:

“1600 Penn”

“1600 Penn” is described as a “Modern Family-type” sitcom

 

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/nbc-orders-white-house-comedy-321139

 

 

So how about this sit-com? It’d be a lot funnier — and more realistic:

MSNBC Presents:

“The Obamaz!”

The All-American family!

 

 

Starring Barry Obama as The Prez!

The smartest man in America, at the lever of American enterprise

 

 

Starring Michelle Obama as The Glamorous First Lady!

Fashion and glamour icon, Michelle Obama, on $10 million vacation

 


Co-Starring Al Sharpton as Uncle Al The Bigot!

“Baby, you better no be no Jew, white Mexican, or especially not one of dem cross-dressin’ fags. Rememba, I don’t do anal, except for a lotta money. And it don’t look to me like you got it.”

 

 

Co-Starring Elizabeth Warren as Mother-in-law Lizzie ‘Sitting Stupid’ Sotelo!

“Barry’s part Indian-giver, too!”

 

 

Co-Starring Joe Biden as Joe The Butler!

“Eleven people coming for dinner tonight, right?”

 

 

Co-Starring Nancy Pelosi as Mrs. Busybody, The Loudmouth Housekeeper!

“What do I have to do, shout it in front of a microphone so you’ll hear? Okay, I’ll do it: You people are slobs! It smells like a barn in here!”

 

 

 

Co-Starring Hillary Clinton as Hillary The Hard-Partying Secretary!

“Oops! The smartest woman in America forgot about the security camera again.”

 

 

Co-Starring John Boehner as Mr. Blubber, The Hapless Opposition Leader!

 “Not fair — they never let me win!”

 

 

 

And the Obama Girls, Gone Wild!

“Hey, at least I kept my top on — my sister didn’t!”

 

 

Musical performances by Welfare Queen!

 “Now I got two reputations to look out for!”

 

 

And special musical guest, The New Black Panther Minstrels!

 “All right boys, let’s pick it up from the top:   “America… America…  God shed his grace on thee….  And crown thy good with brotherhood, from see to shining sea!’…  One more time! — ‘America… America…'”

 

 

 

The reviews are!  Says arbitor of taste, George Clooney:

“It’s hilarious!! Even my agent laughed! And he never laughs at anything!!

HA-HA-HAAAAA-HA-HA!!!!!!

 

 

COMING THIS FALL — STAY TUNED!

 

Special thanks to Scooter Van Neuter at Bighairynews.com for his art and his courtesy.

http://www.bighairynews.com/

 

 

Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com

thefinereport@gmail.com

 
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Hugo Chavez Returns Home After More Mutilation at Hands of Cuban Healthcare System Doctors

Published on May 14, 2012,

 

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned home Friday after 11 days of cancer treatment in Cuba, saying his latest round of radiation therapy was successful. “I still have some body parts,” said Chavez.  “Of course, I must rigorously follow the medical advice in these coming days in order to continue recuperating,” Chavez said.

 

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/05/12/chavez-returns-home-after-cancer-treatment-in-cuba/

 

 

The Fine Report has the exclusive on the medical advice Chavez received. It was short, but concise:

 

Havana Hospital Clinico Quirugico de 26

Paciente: Hugo Chavez
Consejo: “Make appointment with Jewish doctor in New York,  hazlo tan pronto como puedas!”

 

 

 

To see the hell-hole that is the Cuban healthcare system actually is:

http://therealcuba.com/Page10.htm

 
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Marty Malamute: Can we have a frank discussion about our country?

Published on May 13, 2012,

 From Martin “Marty” Malamute, political analyst for The Fine Report:

 

“At some point, we need to have a very frank discussion about the future of our country and this dog-eating fraud we’ve got in high office.  I believe that in a few weeks, the reality is going to sink in to the Obama White House that with their current advisers, they’re going to get their tails kicked in November. At that point, they are going to then accept outside professional management in the White house until at least the election. (Look for the return of some of the people who got ‘Bark’ elected in 2008 to reappear. And don’t think they’re going to help just to get thrown a bone — they’ll extract big political paybacks.) So things are get more challenging for us as their new people come at us with their fur up. But I still think we’re going to send this a-hole packing, and with his tail fully between his legs, so do not get discouraged, no matter what they throw at us. Trust me: their bark will be worse than their bite. So all you conservative political animals: keep your temper on a short leash, but your teeth very, very sharp (and free of tartar — you’ll avoid that ‘doggie breath’ thing that could turn off a swing voter).  And remember: if you haven’t had your vet squeeze your anal glands this year, do it now, so you don’t wind up like nose-pickers Obama and Hillary Clinton, and get caught on camera licking your ass.”

 

“‘Till next time,”

Marty Malamute, political analyst for The Fine Report

 

 

A review of Marty’s polticial no-no’s:

 

 

“Depending on how much money you have, you really can pick your nose. But no matter how much money you have, you cannot pick your family.”

-Michael Jackson, picking his nose

 

 
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WHEN YOU ENABLE A LOSER, AND GIVE THEM WHAT THEY DON’T DESERVE —

Published on May 13, 2012,

— THE LOSER WILL ALWAYS TURN ON YOU.

 

It is an axiom of life, and, by the way, an accurate but unfortunate method to tell if someone is truly a loser.

 

(Seeing you will remind them of who they really are, and they will hate you for it.)

 

– Loser.

 

 

Thus:

 

 

(NO JOKE HERE:)

‘THE AMATEUR:’ HOW MICHELLE OBAMA GREW TO HATE OPRAH WINPHREY:

 

-Oprah was shoved aside by Michelle Obama, just as Oprah’s audience shoved her aside as they realized she helped put a lunatic and his crazy wife in White House.

 

(It took a construction crew and a backhoe, but eventually she was shoved aside.)

 

 In his new book, “The Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House,” journalist Edward Klein reveals how even former friends and political allies of the president have become frustrated with his remoteness and bungling of crises. Klein, former editor of The New York Times Magazine and frequent contributor to Vanity Fair, interviewed numerous members of Obama’s inner circle.


http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/jealous_michelle_vs_oprah_wDXXjFfq75tZRro1jy1AtK

 

(All right, back to the jokes:)

 

“Isn’t Oprah lovely? So calm and collected as she gets stabbed in the back by the loser she miraculously put in White House. So, so lovely. As lovely as Michelle Obama, who is so calm and collected as she stabs Oprah after beginning to hate Oprah for reminding her of her suspect past and her inherently trashy nature.  Mitt and I are thinking of appearing on Oprahs’ show with Michelle, where we might announce our endorsement of Michelle’s lovely husband, ‘The Amateur.'”

-Ann Romney

 

 
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Drawing may provide insight into Iran’s nuclear intentions

Published on May 13, 2012,
VIENNA –  A drawing based on information from inside an Iranian military facility creates suspicion among U.N. inspectors that Tehran is conducting tests in a containment chamber of the type neeed for atomic bomb testing.

 

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/05/13/drawing-may-provide-insight-into-iran-nuclear-intentions/

 

-Rendering of suspicious drawing discovered in Iranian nuclear facility.

 

 

 

 ‘This whole thing has been just too easy. It really has.”

 

 

 

“Isn’t he just so calm and composed for a man destroying the greatest nation on Earth?  I think he’s as lovely as his wife. Both, just so lovely. Mitt and I are both considering endorsing him this November.”

-Ann Romney

 
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Lincoln was right: you CAN ‘fool some of the people all of the time’

Published on May 13, 2012,

“You can fool some of the people some of the time. You can fool some of the people all of the time. But you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”

-Former U.S. President Abraham Lincoln

 

 

Obama voters, fooled all of the time:

 

“Because if I was dead, I wouldn’t be ‘in,’ right?”

 

 

 

(OTHER way, dopey!)

 

 

 

“We not only believe in Chang, we love him!”

 

 

Chang:

“Thank you! Wow, I didn’t think people outside NanoBioMedicine academics read my overview on the development of table-top x-ray microscopes for 3D intracellular and molecular imaging. Apparently, you two did! If you have any questions about the improvement optimization (I know, I know — you’d think the acquisition time would be set already for the build) don’t hesitate to ask.”

 

Chang Chang, Ph.D., Drexel University, Philadelphia, PA

http://www.biomed.drexel.edu/BioNano/Contents/Chang/Overview/

 

 

“What’s an ‘academic?'”

 
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Tech Talk, With Guest Expert Al Sharpton

Published on May 13, 2012,

 

Question: What is the difference between a $30  1.14 HDMI cable from a reputable online dealer, and a $150  1.14 HDMI cable from Best Buy?

 

– HDMI cable

 

Answer:  $120

 

Guest expert, MSNBC’s Al Sharpton explains:

 

“HDMI means ‘High Definition Media Interface.’ It sends da audio and da video at da same time. Dere’s different kinds, like dere’s different kinds of Mexicans. For instance: you need a 1.14 type HDMI cable to use 3D, just like you need a white Mexican to utilize racial divisiveness. So without dat 1.14 designation, you can’t get dat 3D outta da cable box, just like without dat white Mexican, you can’t start a riot. So unless you got dis 1.14 cable, dat 3D signal you trying to make work is gonna just show up blank, or the signal gonna cut out at times. And when you watchin’ dat porn, I found it always cuts out at da crucial time, and I gotta wait and start all over again. And wouldn’t ya know, it always seems to happen right after my show, while I’m sittin’ around waitin’ for dat car to pick me up. (I don’t know if you rememba, but my own car got repossessed. Hopefully, you forgot.)  Just be sure when you buy dis cable online, you don’t get ripped off by no Jews trying to sell you some inferior cable, like dey always trying to do. Da best deal I found was from da ‘Zimmerman HDMI Cables R Us Company’ (dey got dat free shipping, moneys back guarantee and good reviews, too), but I wouldn’t buy it cause of dat name. Cause now dat he’s out, dat Zimmerman probably started dis company, knowing black people needs dem cables in particular, bein’ his trial is comin’ up on TV, as well as dey watching me on MSNBC all da time.

 

“Hope dat answers your question!”

 

-GE’s MSNBC television host, race-baiter, anti-Semite, homophobe, Obama-intimate and now HDMI expert Al Sharpton

 

 

 

“Great piece, Al. I always wondered what ‘HDMI’ meant. So  what does ‘cable’ mean?”

“Dat’s my next column, Barack. I don’t want to give away da surprise answer yet.”

 

-Lecturer, race-baiter, anti-Semite, homophobe and HDMI expert Al Sharpton with his close friend and political ally, the president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.

 

 

 

 

“Have you sh-t-for-brains connected the dots** yet?”

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky

 

 

“Isn’t Al Sharpton just so calm and composed for a man unofficially in charge of helping Barack Obama destroy the social fabric of the greatest nation on Earth?  Being he’s got that TV show and doesn’t need to scream as  much anymore, I think he’s lovely. Like Michelle Obama. Both, just so lovely. Mitt and I are both considering Al for the V.P. slot this November, if we don’t endorse Barack instead.”

-Ann Romney

 

 

*For some further HDMI info:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20056502-1/why-all-hdmi-cables-are-the-same/

 

**The phrase “connect the dots,” is a way of suggesting that if someone considers various pieces of evidence and then considers them in the aggregate, that person will see the obvious truth about a matter under consideration. (Or not, if you’re a supporter of Barack Obama, yet you are not a socialist or communist.)

 

Copyright 2012 TheFineReport.com

thefinereport@gmail.com

 
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Former Romney ‘Dumbass Strategy’ Is Back

Published on May 13, 2012,

 

(Mitt, it is time to ditch your ‘Etch-a-Sketchers of stupid,’ once and for all.)

 

 

The gag fell off Ann Romney’s mouth, and the Romney ‘dumbass strategy’ flew back into action:

 

Ann Romney: “Michelle Obama is ‘lovely.”

 

Ann Romney praises Michelle Obama for “keeping her calm” and having “composure.”

 

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/11/ann-romney-michelle-obama-is-lovely/

 

 

 

 

ROMNEY, WHEN WILL YOU STOP BEING SO  FRIGGIN’ DUMB?!

 

 

“Wow! Now, all the democrats will vote for Mitt! All the corrupt talks show hosts will love Ann Romney! Golly gee!”

 

No, dumbass!  Just as you started jamming it to this lunatic and got your base to grow a woody for you, you screw up by sending your wife out to slap it down.

 

Perhaps if Ann Romney looted the U.S. Treasury of $20,000,000.00 for personal vacations as Michelle Obama did, and has a staff of 29 servants being paid by the U.S. Treasury as Michelle Obama does, a news and entertainment media doing her thinking and dressing, as well as further understanding that the Obamas are quite content watching the disiintegration of the United States, she’d understand why Michelle Obama is feeling ‘calm and composed.’

 

Is Ann Romney next going to praise Osama bin Laden’s ten wives for being ‘calm and composed’ during the U.S. raid that waxed him?

 

Mitt, it is time to ditch the ‘Etch-a-Sketchers of stupid’ on your staff, once and for all.  Stop pouring cold water on the passions of people who would fight to elect you.

 

And at the very least, the Obama’s don’t need you to sing made-up praises. They have a completely corrupted news media doing it for them.

 

 

‘Lovely:’

Lovely this,  you @#$%&!!”

 
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New Feature: TFR DATING SERVICE

Published on May 12, 2012,

 

Forget Match.com or Ilikebeingtiedupandgettingtheshitbeatoutofme.com – we can do it better. And for free:

 

 

Hottie Seeking Blind Man, or Aztec:

I’m an adventurous babe, hot-bodied and hot-blooded, but a completely lovable hair stylist. I finally found employment in a coal mine, but I am truly an outdoors girl at heart. I don’t like most guys (especially ones with good eyesight) but my true love just might be you!  Here’s hoping we can find love and live together into our golden and dark-green years.
Must have own dog or sacrificial alter, and must not be magnetic.
 –Petunia 4549, c/o thefinereport@gmail.com

 

 

TV Personality Seeking Womans:

Hard-hittin’, justice seekin’ black man wit TV show, seeks womans for companionship and more. Much more. I like going to dem movies once in a while, and drinking, and dancing sometimes, and watchin’ dem porno DVDs.  I used to be into preaching, but dat cut into da profits. Unless you got a lot of money: no white-Mexicans, Jews or anal.
Can’t be named Zimmerman, either.
 -Al 8275, c/o thefinereport.com
 
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Obama administration assures Bahraini crown prince with massive sale of sophisiticated arms

Published on May 12, 2012,

 

“Mrs. Clinton, I don’t care if you’ve had your arm up your nose to your elbow: on behalf of every Muslim radical in my country, I surpress my urge to gag and I sacrifice my hand for all the air defense systems, ground-based radars, AMRAAM air-to-air missile systems, Seahawk helicopters, Avenger air-defense systems, and parts for F-16 fighter engines you are selling us that  will eventually be used against Israeli and American troops.  How the United States put the most piteous and incompetent woman in American public life in the position of Secretary of State, I will never know. I’ve met them all, and truly, you are the dumbest diplomat on Earth. I can only bless Barack Obama for appointing you.”

 

“Thanks Prince Crown!”

 

http://thecable.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2012/05/11/obama_administration_seeks_to_bolster_bahraini_crown_prince_with_arms_sales

 

 

 

“Who put this dipsh-t, slimy,  sh-t-for-brains a-hole in the position of Secretary of State?!  …Who?  Oh yeah, right: ‘Barack-Suck-My-C-ck Obama.!’  And who elected that dickwad president??  Come on!! — What a-hole voted for a dog-eating, nose-picking, moose-marrying commie to run my f-ing country?!  Huh?!  Raise your hand, a-hole, so I can ram this goddam bottle up your ass!!”

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky

 

 
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Closing Evening Comment

Published on May 12, 2012,

Lest anyone forget the face of ‘snatching defeat from the jaws of victory:’

 

U.S. Speaker of the House John Boehner: loser personified.

 
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THE FINE REPORT HITS HALF A MIL

Published on May 12, 2012,

 

The Fine Report, hits 500,000 in less than 3 weeks!

 

The Congratulations are rolling in!

 

Sukanya RoyIdits, 2011 National Spelling bee champion: “You probably all have cymotrichous. And you are a bunch of idiots!  I-d-d-i-o-t-s!”

 

Al Sharpton: “Dat dem dere duh dat dere dem does dum damn duh dat da does dum dat dem dum dem dere, Zimmaman!  Hey, and ain’t 500,000 what I owe in back taxes?”

 

Washington Post Publisher Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth: “That’s exactly how much money I made my first decade as a prostitute*. Of course, AIDS, Hep-C drugs and decent mouthwash were more expensive back then.”

 

George Clooney: “The funniest stuff on the web. I’m glad you’re doing the work the leftist entertainment industry won’t. It seems like only yesterday that you guys hit 499,999. Thanks to you, I am now a Romney man. We will have a party at my house.”

 

Jennifer Aniston: “I was not scratching my crotch! I was digging for money! – To give to starving people! – To charity!  Ross, I was not scratching my crotch!”

 

Nancy Pelosi: “All I can say is that TheFineReport.com is a refreshing change from the lies that go on for what is now put on as news these days. Did I just say that?”

 

Peter Slipper: “I’m afraid to say anything, or you might turn it around on me and make a play on my name. So I’m not going to say anything. You will not make me slip – I’m going to keep my lips zipped.”

 

Convict Politician Keith Judd: “And here I thought I had a scam going before I got locked up. How long did it take to get this crappy website  up and running — ten minutes? Seriously, I think I can do it better in my sleep  (that is, if my cellie keeps his hands to himself).  And don’t think I’m not gonna try, when I get out.”

 

John Boehner: “Please don’t mention my name. Please. I swear,  I’ll do anything. Except something brave. Anything but brave. Please! I’ll even pick up where ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth left off. (Is it ‘Mouth,’ or ‘Mouthwash?” I think ‘Mouthwash’ sounds a lot better.)”

 

Rhinotillexomaniac, Barack Obama: “Just for that, I’m going to shake your hand. For a long time.”

 

Rhinotillexomaniac, Hillary Clinton: “Ditto that.”

 

The Professor: “See what a little scholarly class can do for a website? But I’ve never seen so many typographical and spelling errors in my life. What’s the name of this website, anyway?”

 

Ted Bundy: “Electrifying stuff. You guys kill me.”

 

Eric Holder: “What happens to Sheriff Joe is nothing compared to what’s going to happen to you. Nothing!”

 

Jay Carney: “Holder did not say that. What makes you think he said that? I assure you, he did not say that. Remember: I do not lie.”

 

Vladmir Putin: “If this website enters Russian data lines, it is your ass.”

 

TSA Agent Freddie the Fist: “I’ll be seeing you guys at the airport.”

 

Cher: “I don’t care if you’re not homophobes! You’re homophobes!”

 

Woody Allen: “You guys are just jealous that I can schtup Lindsay Lohan under restaurant tables, and you can’t.”

 

Rod Stewart: “Every penis tells a story. So I’m glad you’re telling  yours.”

 

Google CEO Larry Page: “I will break you.”

 

Senator Blutto Blutarsky: “Finally, someone’s got their sh-t together.”

 

Fred Armisen: “Big deal. I could do what you’re doing, if I wasn’t busy being a coward and a sell-out.”

 

Michelle Obama: “#$%& you too!”

 

Julia “Donuts” Blubberowski: “Who is this Fine Report?

 

L.A.’s failed Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa: “Thanks for the hat tip! Don’t forget to watch my big speech at the Democrat convention!”

 

John Kerry: “If you put the kibosh on the story, I’ll contribute some of the $193,000,000.00 I embezzled using Senate inside information. Theresa said I could. You can trust me.”

 

TFR Editors: “You can blame this all on Oleg Atbashian**.”

 

 

*Denotes parody, social and political commentary.

 

 

** Oleg Atbashian is the creator of the PeoplesCube.com, and author of the book, “Shakedown Socialism.’ He is also a mentor to this website.

http://www.shakedownsocialism.com/

 
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Thought for the evening…

Published on May 12, 2012,

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

 

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

 

Hate:

 

– Magazine expose of Al Sharpton. (No joke)

 
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PARODY*

Published on May 12, 2012,

BREAKING: Washington Post Publisher Katherine Weymouth worked as a prostitute* in college?

 

Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth, booking photo, in her days as a prostitute, strung out on meth?*

 

– Weymouth’s newspaper recently published a false story about American poltitician, Mitt Romney, accusing him of physically abusing a person. The Washington Post has yet to apologize. (NOT PARODY)  If parody is ever in order, it’s now, isn’t it?  So, let’s do it!

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Journalism/2012/05/10/WaPo-Changes-Story-No-Correction


 

‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth comes clean?*

 

“My pimp at the time – Fillmore —  shortened my name, and called me ‘Mouthwash.’ It was hard, disgusting work. Let’s tell it like it is: I was a whore. (After the Romney false hit-piece I published, some people are calling me a whore now!  Ironic, huh?) But when you got a drug habit, you have to pay for it, no matter how.  Coming clean now feels good to me — almost as good as it must feel to Jennifer Aniston when she’s scratching her crotch. And no more need to gargle 50 times a day. That, and publishing a newspaper. What more could a former b.j. queen and crackhead ask for? And, I get paid a lot, too.”*

 

 
– Today: clean and sober? Former b.j queen: “But sometimes I yearn for the past. So I’ll gargle here and there, just for old times sake.* These days, I get my ‘whore fix’ by further destroying what was once a great newspaper and selling out my country to blindly shill for a handful of corrupt politicians.”
(IS THAT LAST SENTENCE PARODY? YOU TELL US.)

 

 

“That is some funny stuff, boy!  That is what I call ‘parody!’ Keep it up, you guys , you’re doing important commentary — and slaying me at the same time Hey, isn’t this what Saturday Night Live is paying those sell-out a-holes they have on staff to do?”

 

-Actor George Clooney

 

 

 

*Retraction and apology to Weymouth: same as WAPO recently gave to Mitt Romney. And that’s a lot, from a humble website, to a giant international organ. (Steady ‘Mouthwash,’ don’t get excited — we don’t mean that kind of organ.)

 

 

 

Martin Luther King Jr.: “A lie cannot live.”

 
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Obama’s own doctor: ‘THE GUY SUCKS!’

Published on May 11, 2012,

 

Barack Obama’s former doctor claims that Obama lacks passion, feeling and humanity. He also believes Obamacare will be a disaster for the nation:

 

-From the new book, The Amateur, by Edward Klein

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=51433

 

( “So I began to use my entire fist during his prostate exams, just to give him a little extra  ‘humanity.’ No lubricant, either. But I don’t think he gets it.”)

 

 

Related:

 

Obama: “Sometimes I forget how bad the recession is.”

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2882615/posts

 

(“Between golf, vacationing, flying around on Air Force One and partying with George Clooney, who has time to think about it? Besides, it’s all part of the Cloward-Piven* plan.”)

 

Barack Rhinotillexomania Obama

 

 

 

*The Cloward-Piven plan:

http://cloward-piven.com/

 
formats

Al Sharpton: GOP WAR ON DANCING!

Published on May 10, 2012,

Al Sharpton: GOP Declare ‘War on Black People’ — Time To ‘Fire Back’ 

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV/2012/05/09/ITS-WAR-ON-BLACKS-Sharpton

 

“Rememba — G.O.P. means, ‘Gots to Oppress People!'”

– Race-baiter, anti-Semite and Barack Obama-intimate, Al Sharpton

 

 

“It’s da war on black peoples!”

– “Excuse me?”

 

 

“And it’s da war on dem womens people!”

“So that‘s the psycho that’s on MSNBC!”

 

 

“And it’s da war  on dem immigrants people!”

-“Of course this is very sad and frightening, but it’s also getting kind of funny.”

 

 

“Now, it’s da GOP war on us dancing peoples!”

 

-“Dat’s it baby, put your knee right up dere!”

 

 

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.  So a ‘war’ on ignorance, is what I think it’s time for. And it’s time to get rational again. And time to vote malignant people out office, and ensure no one like them is ever again put in a position to disgrace our nation’s  dignity. I had a ‘dream’ my friends, not this nightmare. So yet again, we will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.”

–  “And another thing: what happened to the war on war?”    Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

 

The nightmare:

 

 

 

 

 

 
formats

Serial-Killer Ted Bundy, Among Others, Responds to TIME Cover

Published on May 10, 2012,

 

Liberal periodical TIME Magazine, recent cover:

 

 

 

“It was exactly a dumb c-nt like that woman who turned me into the monster I was.  Exactly. Why don’t they put that on the cover?”

 

Executed serial killer, Theordore Bundy.  Bundy expressed a lifelong resentment toward his mother.

 

 

 

 

….What?? Why are you upset about the language?  We thought that’s how you like to talk about women:

 

Bill Maher Calls Sarah Palin The ‘C-Word’ During His Stand-Up Act

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/bill-maher-calls-sarah-palin-the-c-word-during-his-stand-up-act/

 

“Sarah Palin Is A C-nt” say Obama Supporters

 

 

 

 THE PROFESSOR WEIGHS IN:

“This is an absolute glofication of pedophila”

 

Hey there!

 

“That poor child has a tort case against not only his mother, but against Time Magazine. The state and federal governments also have criminal cases against them, as this is arguably child pornography. The most basic legal definition of child pornography is ‘a sexually explicit image or film of a person under 18 years of age.’ In my opinion, the act itself of that mother (if it is his mother — and if it’s not, she is going to wind up in prison)  is deranged, but the act of putting her child in public view in that manner is criminal — as is Time’s production and publication of the picture. It is also an act of child abuse — even if the child ‘agreed’ to pose for the picture, because this young child does not have legal capacity to have given permission to be photographed doing what he is doing. This is an absolute  glorification of pedophilia. Hopefully a court will step in an appoint a guardian ad litem for this child to sue both Time Magazine, the photographer, the crew, and anyone involved in the distribribution and sale of this issue. Then, there is the case this child has against his mother. Hopefully, and if there is any justice, she won’t be his mother for long. The earlier we can step in, the sooner this child can begin healing, and avoid a life of circular recovery, and possibly a depravation of his freedom or his victimizing anyone. Excluse me for the harsh language, but the lunatics who came up with this idea probably came up with the idea that racism causes global warming. (If anything, racism causes global cooling, because if a certain segment of the population is kept impoverished, they will consume less energy. But that’s another discussion). Boy, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Until next time!

 

 

“I’m back. Sorry, but wow, I’m really upset.  Now I can’t remember what I did with a purple sticky-note I’ve been looking for. If anybody sees, it, let me know. But more importantly, we have to get the government on top of this, and get this kid a lawyer.”

 

Professor Papalopolopolis’ C.V.:

http://thefinereport.com/2012/04/who-is-the-professor/

 

 

 

“WE’RE JUST KIDS! STOP SEXUALLY EXPLOITING US!  YOU ‘LIBERAL MEDIA’  PERVERTS  —  GO GET YOUR ROCKS OFF SOMEPLACE ELSE AND STOP DESTROYING OUR CHANCES FOR HAPPINESS!”

 

 

 

 

“I promise, kid: if I find them, I will kill every last one of the mother-f-ckers.”

Jack ‘Have Gun Did Travel’

 

 

Who is Jack ‘Have Gun Did Travel?’

http://thefinereport.com/2012/05/emergency-email-from-argentina/

 

 

“Don’t bother, Jack. Just get them locked-up. We know how to take care of creeps like these on the inside.”

Inmate Keith Judd, 53,  who while incarcerated, almost beat Barack Obama in a state primary election.

 

 

 

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