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The ‘Barack Obama’ Fraud: More Wheels Come Off

Published on May 2, 2012,


Barack Obama admits the existence of the ‘girlfriend’ character from ‘his’ book “Dreams of My Father” is a lie. 





We’ll soon all learn he didn’t write that book, either.  Or any other book.


Even now, there are many of us who understand the entire life story of ‘Barack Obama’ is a lie.


And we understand him to be the lunatic he actually is.


And he is president of the United States.





-Guest commentator Blutto Blutarsky



Frightening Stuff from ‘The Gloved One?’

Published on May 2, 2012,


Larry Page’s Google Accused of SSUS* In France




Is ‘The Gloved One’ really this malignant?


-Herr Larry Page, Google CEO?


Whether you hate  Jews, love Jews, or feel anywhere in-between, remember this: What horrors might await them while you do nothing, will soon await you. (It happens every time: they are truly ‘the canary in the world coal mine.’ ** )



Ugh: Google sued in France over ‘Jewish’ searches


-Google’s new logo?



Google is being sued for suggesting the term “Jewish” in searches involving celebrities.


Patrick Kulgman, a lawyer for SOS Racisme, told Agence France Presse that the feature amounts to “the creation of what is probably the biggest Jewish file in history.” That would be a non-issue in many countries, but France has outlawed the compilation of “ethnic files,” AFP reports.


“Numerous users of the premier search engine in France and the world confront daily an unsolicited and almost systematic association between the term ‘Jewish’ and the last names of prominent figures in politics, media and business,” the suit says, creating a sense of Jewish “omnipotence in the French leadership.”




Shades of The Reichpicker, Barack Obama, M.A.***, some SSUS* himself:


-Barack Obama, giving the Reichpick salute.


Obama’s Double Standard on Anti-Semitism of Occu-Poopers



Barack Obama Proves His Anti-Semitism

One hundred days into Barack Obama’s presidency, he demonstrated cowardice abroad and demagogic tyranny at home. On the 105th day of his presidency, he demonstrated his clear-cut anti-Semitism.



Obama appoints anti-Israel lobbyist to anti-Semitism post



Six degrees of separation: Obama and anti-Semitism




Tying it all together: Google executive supports Obama



-Google CEO Larry Page, with a haircut so bad, only a billion dollars could buy it.



*Your patience in reading all the way to the end of this piece will now be rewarded. ‘SSUS:’ “Some seriously ugly shit.”


**Can’t believe you didn’t know this: Poison gas is a very serious danger in coal mining. In the old days, coal miners learned to bring a simple caged canary with them to detect the presence of poisonous gases in the mine they were working in. If deadly gas was present, the canary — being unusually sensitive to poison gas (who wouldn’t be?) — would quickly die, and thus alert the miners to its presence. Whether this gave miners enough warning to escape death themselves: sometimes it did, other times it did not. Given the high rate of fatalities and low pay, canary unions soon formed and fought bitterly for better working conditions and higher wages. As a result, it is now standard for coal mine canaries to be equipped with gas masks and provided with electronic sensors, which not only allow them to detect poison gases more quickly, but  ensure that they survive to sing another day.


*** M.A.: “malignant asshole.”



Guest commentary:


“What the f-ck is wrong with you a-holes!? Dont you see what’s giong on?!  It’s right in front of  your face! One day you’ll complain,’ They took the bar! The whole f-cking bar!’ Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!  it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough.. What the f-ck happened happened to you guys? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? Well they can just kiss my ass from now on!  I’m not gonna take this!  F-ck Google! F-ck Larry Page! F-ck ‘Barack Obama!’  — Let’s do it!!…”


-Prof. Bluto Blutarsky



CNN Ratings In Proverbial Toilet

Published on May 2, 2012,

“You can fool some of the people all of the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time. But you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”

– Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States (1861-1865).


Addendum: “Except in California.”


-‘Honest Abe’ Lincoln, as he was commonly referred to.


Thus, CNN is left relegated to fooling some of the people all of the time…


CNN Has Lowest Ratings In 10 Years:

 – Network Becomes Loss-Leader for Propaganda Value In U.S. and Internationally (In other words, all our friends outside of America, you should know what most of Americans have finally learned about CNN: their information is bullsh-t).


-CNN, upside down in the ratings. (Perhaps they could simply rebrand as “NND,” and save a ton of money on graphics.  Hey,  the M.B.A. we let hang around has finally come up with a good idea!)




Their Clown Act Fares No Better:


-Bullshitter Anderson Blooper-Cooper, upside down in the ratings too, ironically shown standing in front of “No bullshit” sign. (For those of you doing yoga as you read this, Blooper is actually shown upside down. It’s a joke, you see — if you weren’t standing on your head, you’d get it. If you do not like the joke or are angry for any reason, please refer your complaint to Spke Lee, New York City, NY.  Telephone callls should preferably be very late at night or very early in the morning. If Mr. Lee doesn’t pick up the first time you call,  dial again and let it keep ringing. If you get his answering service, continue calling until Lee finally picks up. If you get his assistant, demand to speak to Lee. Once you get Lee on the phone, remember, screaming and very foul language are appreciated.)





Charles Schwab Survey: ‘High Net Worth’ Individuals’ View on the Global Economy

Published on May 2, 2012,


Survey:  How Millionaires And Billionaires Really Feel About The Global Economy




The summary:




The details:


Here is what Schwab’s High-Net-Worth clients see in the next six months:

  • 31 percent thought unemployment was about to increase.
  • 27 percent see a “double dip” recession coming.
  • 60 percent expect inflation to heat up.
  • 8 percent think energy prices will fall.




The celebration.


“‘Forward,’ Comrades!” Glamour and fashion  icon and Obama-wife Michelle Obama dancing at news of damage to the U.S. economy.

– Courtesy Sadhillnews.com




*We regret to say there are absolutely no High Net Worth clients working for The Fine Report at this time. But we will not hurl our feces in protest –at this time.



New campaign slogan from Michelle Obama: “Change is slow”

Published on May 2, 2012,


And so is your husband.






Britain: What the hell is happening to you people?

Published on May 2, 2012,

Barack Obama may be dumb enough to despise you, but the rest of us sure don’t.  Yet.



Is London about to elect a mayor who has been accused of anti-Semitism?


Ken Livingstone, who has vowed to turn the city into a ‘beacon’ of Islam and slammed ‘rich’ Jews, is now neck and neck in race to be mayor






Honk, if you’re sick of looking at the same stuff over and over again in the right column.

Published on May 2, 2012,



John Boehner: King of Wimps

Published on May 1, 2012,


U.S. House Speaker John A. Boehner scolded President Obama on Sunday: “The president is getting some very bad advice from his campaign team, because he’s diminishing the presidency by picking fake fights, going after straw men every day.”







Sigh…  (See column on right, top).




“Why doesn’t Boehner just say ‘Obama should stick to picking his nose instead of picking fake fights.’ I mean, that’s what I would have said if George Bush was president. And Bush doesn’t even pick his nose — or  least he didn’t pick it in public.”

-Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the House of Representatives and current Congresswoman from North California



-Unedited photo of ‘Mr. Cool,’ Barack Obama, picking his nose at a press conference.



Our potential new advertiser:




Fore x 96 = 3

Published on May 1, 2012,



The number of times Barack Obama has played golf in just one term in office. In other words, in 3 1/2 years in office, over 3 months of it has been spent playing golf.







The US dollars that Michelle Obama has spent of taxpayer money on personal vacations, though it is believed to be higher.






For the sake of the free world, the number of times Barack Obama is elected president of the United States.





The number of times an Obama voter need apologize before they could get half way through the process of atoning for what they did to the United States.






The number of fan letters The Fine Report has received to date from Barack Obama, John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Larry Page, Peter Slipper, George Clooney, the Devil, Joseph Biden, Michelle Obama, Brad Pitt, Eric Holder, Al Sharpton, The Professor, Mao, Jay Carney, giant shrimp, aliens, Elizabeth Warren, James Cameron, North Korea, Jimmy Carter, the TSA, the New York Times, Warren Buffett, Saturday Night Live, David Axelrod, Hitler, Mike Tyson, Martin Bashir, Hugo Chavez, Jeb Bush — or anyone else, for that matter.


Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

(Don’t even think about it.  Ok, ok, — just give us credit.)



Please address all complaints to Spike Lee, NYC, NY.


Gov. Chris Christie: And you only thought he had a weight problem?

Published on May 1, 2012,

Chris Christie for Vice President? After this, fat chance.


 DANIEL PIPES: Chris Christie’s Islam Problem

“Christie has hugged a terrorist-organization member, abridged free-speech rights, scorned concern over Islamization, and opposed law-enforcement counterterrorism efforts. Whenever an issue touching on Islam arises, Christie takes the Islamist side against those — the DHS, state senators, the NYPD, even the ACLU — who worry about lawful Islamism eroding the fabric of American life.”



-New Jersey Tubenor Chis Christie, ordering lunch.



Weigh-loss Guru RICHARD SIMMONS: “He’s fat, fat, fat!  Otherwise, I love the bastard.”

– Richard Simmons, preparing to be sat on by Chris Christie.



Google CEO Larry Page: Party animal?

Published on May 1, 2012,

Could this be the same guy ignoring the law and invading everyone’s privacy?


(Is it only billionaires that have this much fun?)


– Google CEO Larry Page, having a good time? — “High five!”




– Google CEO Larry Page, having shaved moustache, after realizing it caused irritation from his daily ritual of putting a rubber glove over head head and inflating it through his nose. “My next challenge is to find a better hair dresser. Maybe I’ll Google one. You know, maybe I should leave a rubber glove on head all the time.”

The Fine Report and I…

Published on May 1, 2012,

“We make a lovely pair, don’t we?”



– Google co-founder Larry Page, after latest botched plastic surgery




Question to Australia: Where do you guys get these names?

Published on May 1, 2012,

The ‘Mr. Sandal’ Scandal Continues:


House Speaker Peter Slipper, circling the drain, with his friends in tow:

Pyne, Abbott face questions over Slipper



May 1, 2012 – 3:59PM



Deputy Prime Minister Wayne Swan


says senior members of the federal opposition must reveal if they knew the content of legal action against Speaker Peter Slipper



before the suit was lodged in court.  Fairfax Media says coalition frontbencher Christopher Pyne



spent almost two hours drinking and chatting with Slipper



adviser James Hunter Ashby



a month before Mr Ashby lodged documents accusing Mr Slipper


of sexual harassment and misusing cab vouchers.  Mr Pyne


met with Mr Ashby and another Slipper



staffer in the Speaker’s office in Parliament House on the evening of March 19, and he later phoned the office to request Mr. Hunter Ashby’s


mobile number, the report said.  “I think Mr Pyne


has many questions to answer,” Mr Swan


told reporters in Canberra on Tuesday.  “The same standard that is being applied to Mr Slipper


ought to be applied to the opposition.”  Mr Slipper


has stood aside as Speaker until all the claims against him are resolved.  Mr Hunter Ashby’s


claim was filed in the Federal Court in Sydney on Friday, April 20.  Mr Pyne


told Sky News the following Sunday the first he knew of it was when he read about it in a newspaper.  Asked on the ABC’s 7.30 television program last week if there was evidence to suggest Mr Hunter Ashby


had received help from the coalition in preparing his court claim, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott


said: “Not that I’m aware of.”   Mr Swan


told reporters in Canberra on Tuesday that Mr Pyne


and Mr Abbott


must reveal all they knew about the matter.  “When you’ve listened to Mr Abbott’s


slippery answers about these questions, he has not answered the question about whether he had any knowledge of the Hunter Ashby



claim,” Mr Swan


said.  “He has not answered the question about the role any of his staff may have played in the events that have unfolded.  Comment was being sought from Mr Pyne.






Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



One picture is worth a thousand words…

Published on May 1, 2012,

Why is it so impossible to get facts through to certain people?


Perhaps this explains it in a nutshell:


“Fox New is biased! It is! Look, don’t argue with me — the story’s everywhere: on the news, NPR, PBS, it in the paper, it in a magazine, on the Huffington Post. I even heard Oprah talking about it. Are you one of those people getting your information from some right wing blog?  You’re crazy!


A corrupt news media coupled with a great many ignorant and indoctrinated citizens is a harbinger of very, very bad things to come.


It’s not even funny.













…maybe a little funny…



“He KILLS me!  HAS to be the funniest president yet.”

-Actor and political scholar, George Clooney




Hugo Chavez ‘puts his trust in Christ,’ as he heads to Cuba for more cancer treatment

Published on May 1, 2012,
Clutching a crucifix and holding back tears, Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez appeared live on television for the first time in 17 days, saying he was counting on Christ for help as he returns to Cuba for more cancer treatment — the sixth time, since announcing in February he would require a third operation to remove a second tumor from his pelvic area. (“Or a second operation to remove a third tumor. I keep forgetting which,” said Chavez.)





“Hugo, Hugo, Hugo… What kind of dumbbell goes back five times to the same doctors who did him in on the first visit?  As you’ve come to realize, you will need a miracle now to save you. But as those amusing Americans you are so contemptuous of might say, ‘Don’t hold your breath…'”




“Greetings, Hugo. Didn’t think we’d remember your ‘Damn you, State of  Israel’  thing, did you?  I also heard you did to Venezuela the same thing those Cuban doctors did to your anus. But let’s get down to business: I understand you found the Havana heat unconfortable…”

THE TRANSCRIPT UNCOVERED: Brad Pitt Meeting V.P. Joe Biden in the White House

Published on April 30, 2012,

If you remember earlier this year, Brad Pitt went on a PR visit to the White House to meet with Barack Obama.  But there was a recording secretly made of a meeting that occurred with Vice President Biden, and The Fine Report has obtained it.


-US Vice President Joseph Biden. (Yes, that’s really is the Vice President of the United States.)


-Actor and political expert, Brad Pitt


Brad Pitt reports ‘great’ conversation with VP Biden

 02/06/12 03:20 PM ET


Biden: Charlie Sheen! Great to meet you. Glad to see you’re recovering.

Pitt: No, actually I’m Brad Pitt.

Biden: God love ya! Stand up and take a bow.

Pitt: I am standing.

Biden: What can I do for ya, young fella?

Pitt: I wanted to talk about low-income housing in the United States. I think it’s terrible.

Biden: I know – who the hell would want to live in one of those dumps. Why people do, I’ll never understand.

Pitt: I always heard it was because they can’t afford it.

Biden: I don’t know, it’s never really been explained to me.

Pitt: Say, I don’t know if you know this, but I have a passion for architecture.

Biden: So, you’re an architect?

Pitt: No, I’m an actor.

Biden: So what’s with the architecture thing?

Pitt: I want to help rebuild areas of New Orleans.

Biden: Did you ever hear of HUD?

Pitt: Yeah, that Paul Newman movie. I was thinking of doing a remake.

Biden: Who’s Paul Newman?

Pitt: An actor. Say, why are we exporting so much of our GDP to support this dependency on oil? Why are we polluting the environment? It just makes no sense to me anymore.

Biden: You gotta be kidding me.

Pitt: No, I’m serious.

Biden:  For one, your buddy Barack killed all oil exploration in the U.S. So we’re more dependent on foreign oil than ever. And who says we’re polluting the environment? Our factories are the cleanest in the world. Go talk to the China and India – they’re the only  giant economies in the world with absolutely no pollution controls. Man, you really must be an actor.

Pitt: You sure about this stuff?

Biden: Charlie, lemme give you a tip: just shut up and look pretty. Let your wife do the talking.

Pitt: — Brad

Biden: You’re wife’s name is “Brad?”



A scuffle has ensued between Pitt and Biden. The closest Secret Service nearby got up, zipped up his pants, and came between them. Cooler heads prevailed, and Biden and Pitt let by gones be by gones.




Biden: So what’d you think about meeting Barack?

Pitt: It was kinda awkward at first – you know, I don’t want to impose on a busy man.

Biden: Busy? He doesn’t do anything!

Pitt: Yeah, I noticed. Still, people were standing around him, were telling him what to do. I just looked around watching him check ‘yes/no’ boxes on forms. The rest of the time I just stared out the window.

Biden: Did you meet his wife?

Pitt: His wife? Was she there?

Biden: She was the only woman in the room.

Pitt: You mean –- that fat woman with the bad clothes?

Biden: That’s his wife.

Pitt: Damn. I thought she was with the cleaning crew.

Biden: Did you express any of your important concerns to the president?

Pitt: Well, for one thing, I was wondering if he finally stopped smoking.

Biden: Nah, he smokes like a chimney. So do I. You want a cigarette?

Pitt: Nah, I stopped when I stopped smoking pot.

Biden: Yeah, I heard you had a problem with the hard stuff.

Pitt: I got really sick of myself at the end of the 1990s. I was hiding out from the celebrity thing. I was laying on the couch smoking dope – among doing other things. I used to deal with my depression — that was last decade. This decade, I’m dealing with my stupidity. But I’m an Obama supporter, no question. It doesn’t mean there’s nothing to learn from the other side.” (Long pause)  What is the other side?… Mr. Biden? Mr. Biden?…

(Biden wakes up from having dozed off.)

Biden: Huh? — Sorry – did you want a cigarette?

Pitt: No thanks. You know, as for religion, I grew up very religious. But I don’t have a great relationship with religion. I oscillate between agnosticism and atheism.  To be honest, I keep forgetting which is which, so I keep having to ask my publicist. (Pitt laughs, shaking his head.) I do a lot oscillating… Mr. Biden? Mr. Biden?….

(Biden wakes up from dozing off again.)

Biden: Huh? — Sorry – did you want a cigarette?

Pitt: Yeah, what the hell. You got a light, too? (He looks around.) You know, it smells a lot better in there than it did in Obama’s office. You know… I didn’t want to say anything.

(Biden lights Pitt’s cigarette, and snorts)

Biden: You shoulda smelled his campaign plane. Say, you’re married, aren’t ya? That Jennifer girl.

Pitt: No, we weren’t married, must living togther. We’re not together now. I’m with a new woman. Angelina.

Biden: Nice name. But reminds me of the daugher of that right-wing actor Jon Voight:  dopey tattoos, a crazy lesbianism — and not to mention what I hear about her spreading her legs for half of Hollywood and Washington DC. A real slut, if you know what I mean. Talk about that actress taking a bow:  Whoo-woo!

Pitt: You’re talking about my wife goddamn it!

Biden  (laughs) Really? God love ya Charlie —

Before Biden can say anymore, Pitt jumps on him and another fight ensues.  The same Secret Service man as last time jumps up, zips up his pants and rushes over to break up the melee. Pitt is finally escorted out of the building.




Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Shameless name dropping:

Published on April 29, 2012,









ACORN Whistleblower Says Obama Dept of Justice ‘Has Gone Wild’

Published on April 29, 2012,

Whistleblower: “Our country is under attack from the inside.”



Poetic justice: The accused, holding a pen he borrowed from Barack Obama. (Did Holder then know of Obama’s nose-picking habit?)


– Giant, dramatic picture of US Attorney General, Eric – now, ‘Cooties’  – Holder.



What did Holder know, and when did he know it?


The proximal inter-phalangeal joint that disappeared, above, located midway down the finger:


But did Obama use Purell? If so, when did he use it?







Contempt of Congress Charges Being Drafted for Holder





Published on April 29, 2012,

If Matt brags on his website (www.drudgereport.com) about his stats,  then who the hell are we not to?


OUR FIRST WEEK, April 22 – 29, 2012



(All robots/spiders/bots — though one person actually did visit, but then pleaded with us for that part of his life back – so we gave it to him.)






“Me, again!  And I’m still sick! See, up here, we live to 900 of your Earth years. When one of use gets a cold, it lasts for 8 months. (Don’t even ask what happens when one of us eats bad sushi.) But nonetheless, The Fine Point Report has kept me entertained as well as informed of what’s really going on, on Earth. I did get a laugh at yet another of your scientists trying to debunk Einstein’s Theory of Relativity – trust me, long ago we discovered nothing is faster than the speed of light. Nothing even gets close,  except, I noticed, the movement of the American race-baiter Al Shaprton towards a TV camera — and oddly, the TV cameras towards him.  That whole race thing is so stupid. I mean, take me: my mother was blue and my father was yellow, so I turned out green. No big deal up here. We vaporized race-baiters long ago.  And why is Saturday Night Live no longer funny since Barack Obama was elected president of the U.S.?  The shows up here making fun of him are hysterical! Hey, one more thing: I don’t get those on-going jokes about Barack Obama picking his ‘nose.’ What is a ‘nose?'”



For our little friend’s first visit to The Fine Report, see:



Today’s Guest Advice Columnist, Michelle Obama

Published on April 29, 2012,

Mary asks Michelle for advice on making a reunion dinner:

Dear Michelle,
 I’m having a dinner party at my home for 12 high school friends I have not seen in 10 years, and I don’t know how much money I’m expected to spend on dinner. Can you give me any advice?
 Mary Johnson
Silver Springs Maryland, USA


Dear Mary from Maryland,


Preparing dinner for old friends is not about money, it’s about love. It’s interesting that your party will be taking place not far from where I live in Washington D.C. I just might surprise you and show up!


Now, guidelines about that dinner. I conferred with the White House chef, and I’m forwarding his suggestions, along with my own comments.


First, if you have any nose-pickers in the house, as I do with Barack (or some coming in, as we do with Hillary Clinton), I suggest making bottles of Purell available as people enter, prior to any handshaking, so as not spoil anyone’s appetite.


Now, I can imagine three scenarios:


The first scenario is me dropping drop in at your place for dinner that night. In that event, I recommend beginning with an aperitif, and small appetizers served with cocktails. When everyone is seated for dinner, begin with an appetizer course. There may be several appetizer courses, including hot and cold appetizers, usually followed by a neutral palate cleanser to prepare the tongue for the next course. A salad course is served after the meal, because this is believed to aid the digestion. At any point a servants show any sign of tiring, fire their ass and make the next servant behind them take their place. (Don’t worry about replacing help — there’s a depression on.) Next, I  suggest offered a choice of thick or clear soup with the soup course, before a break is taken to consume sorbet or a similar palate cleanser. There are sometimes several main courses served in a dinner such as the one you are preparing for me – I mean, your party. Fish is usually served on its own, before the meat courses, and guests may be offered poultry, beef, or lamb as that main meat course. You might even offer a separate vegetable course, which can act a palate cleansers, to relieve the weightiness of the flesh courses. Speaking of cleansers, I would now pass around the Purell, because at this point, someone’s husband, like mine, would have unabashedly driven his finger in his nose all the way up to its proximal inter-phalangeal joint, and some sterilizing might be necessary so as as not to put a damper on anyone’s appetite. Now, a formal dinner would be complete without dessert. Dessert choices might include a cheese plate, a fruit plate, crème brulee, or a cake course. Desserts should be elaborately arranged, and  be decorated with edible flowers, chocolate sculptures, and other edible ornamental accents. After dessert, liquors such as brandy and fortified dessert wines should be offered, to signal to guests that the meal is over. But I usually just tell people to ‘get the #%&$@ out of my house.’ Don’t forget, wine should be carefully chosen to complement the foods being served at each course.


The second scenario I imagine is if I am not coming. In that case, why not make life easy and toss some steaks on the barbeque, make a terrific salad and serve with a nice wine. Desert should be something that will evoke fond memories of your days in school together.


The third scenario is that I am coming, but I am paying for dinner. Don’t fret, my staff will deal with all press releases and media coverage, and cameras will follow me to Kentucky Fried Chicken, where I will take advantage of KFC’s terrific 2-for-1 deal they have going on their delightful ‘Hot Wings’ buckets. (I even found an online for free slaw and mashed potatoes.) As you know Mary, I have striven to make the nation aware of the perils of overeating. So in that spirit, we’ll keep portions small under ‘scenario three.’ And let me know if you have any food stamps we can use.


So keep on strivening, Mary from Maryland (where ever that is) – make that party happen!


Michelle Obama

Message to Our International Friends: In case you didn’t figure it out by now, American ‘news’ is not ‘news’

Published on April 29, 2012,

This, from the French news site, French-News-Online (with a correction):


For a decidedly American bullsh-t slant on top news stories, check this video newsfeed daily
– Click the image above”



– ‘Slant’ is right. Sadly, friends on the other side of the globe: the vast majority of major American network and newspaper ‘news’ is no longer reporting of fact. It is more akin to propaganda to benefit the American political party of the left (the Democrat party, the name of which should not be confused with “democracy”).


– If you want to know what is really going on in the United States, you’d do better to read a variety of ‘new’ American media sources (such as www.drudgereport.com, which is a good place to start) or Canadian and British online news sources other than the BBC (www.globeandmail.com; www.Telegraph.co.uk).


– Or read The Fine Report!


Interestingly, The Fine Report recently commissioned a study that revealed people who regularly read us have marketly better chances of attracting sex partners.


(But always remember how little we pay for things around here, especially things like studies.)



Read The Fine Report — or miss the boat and be left behind:

Published on April 29, 2012,

-Woman with nice behind, sadly, missing the boat. She she did not read The Fine Report.


Romney, Secret Service, GOP: Obama mocks them all!

Published on April 29, 2012,

Obama knocks them dead at Saturday night’s celebrity- studded White House Correspondents Dinner, one fool at a time:


Obama’s best line: “How do you break my finger? Punch me in the nose!”



– Looney George Clooney, in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.


“Here — break my other finger!”



– Looney George Clooney, still in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.


“Pick a winner, Barack!”

-Katherine Sebelius, Potentate of the U.S. health care system under the Obamacare law, demonstrating that if you want to be a Potentate, you have to look impotentate.





The Aussie ‘Mr. Sandal’ Scandal Continues: Gillard Puts Slipper In Her Pipper

Published on April 29, 2012,

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard purportedly asks Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper to extend his time away from his post as Speaker of the Lower House:


  Subtle pressure purportely exerted: ‘Get the #%&@ out!’


–  Gillard fears Lower House will get even lower


–  Scandal alleges use of taxpayer-funded taxi vouchers and sexual harassment claims


 – Claims Slipper grabbed Gillard’s bottom ‘one last time, for good luck,’ before spiriting away in a hired car at taxpayer expense


Says Gillard: “It wasn’t so much my bum getting the pinch, but I did overhear Speaker Slipper tell the taxi driver, ‘to England, and step on it!’  I fear that ride is going to cost quite a bit of money.


However — The Fine Report has the inside story, as told to us by the official Lower House photographer, who overhead the following exchange between Gillard and Slipper as he snapped this photo:


– “Julia, finish your cocktail, then meet me under the desk.”
– “Peter! Isn’t the rest of the House watching?”
– “No, it’s safe to come in – I sent them all home in taxis.  The only one left is this bloke taking my picture — and you’d think he’d get on with it already.”





“That country is crazy! Why don’t they just co-opt the news media, like we did here?”

-Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who might have bought-off the American news  media, she but couldn’t buy off enough American voters, and as a result, got a collective foot in her ass in 2010.  She is now a Congresswoman from Northern California, but remains the House Minority Leader of the Democrat party. We look forward  putting more boots in her ass for the damage she’s done to our nation.



Want to earn up to $1US? Yes, that dollar can be yours! That’s what The Fine Report will pay if you have an exclusive tip about a major international scandal.  Why not  earn the same rate we pay our lawyer, and without the headache and expense of going to law school?  (*Note: certain conditions apply.)


*The certain conditions:

1-The story must be an exclusive story, not run by any major or minor news or entertainment outlet anywhere in the world.

2-The story must be of a story of the magnitude of the bombing of Pearl Harbor or Lindbergh’s flight across the Atlantic.

3-At the discretion of The Fine Report, the dollar reward is payable in monthly installments, over a 20-year period.

4-Tipper must send 240 self-addressed, stamped envelope upon notice of reward.

5-There can be no typos or misspellings in your tip.

6-Tip must be written in all languages that are translated in the U.N., including English.

7-Failure of any of the conditions above, and tipper agrees to fly the staff of The Fine Report round-trip to Hawaii, first class.



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Who Is ‘The Professor?”

Published on April 28, 2012,

We have recieved quite a few emails asking for the background of the expert featured in our ‘The Professor Weighs In’ segments. Her name is Professor Allison D. Papalopolopolis.


– “Hey there!”


 The following is her curriculum vitae:


Distinguished Professor of Law, University of Cardozo;  Answer & Demurrer Professor of Law and Political Science; John J. Gotti Professor of Public Interest Law, Legal Ethics, and Political Science. MD from University of Colorado School of Medicine, graduating with the Diverticulitis Award for Highest Academic Standing. Formal liaison to Harvard Medical School, sitting on the Council of Academic Deans. Authored over 2,000 scholarly papers and reviews and has held many editorial positions. Member, American Academy of Clinical Psychiatrists, American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, American College of Neuropsychopharmacology, First Place Award in National Medical Spelling Bee, Fellow American College of Physician Executives, American College of Psychiatrists, Fellow American Medical Association, Life Member American Psychiatric Association, Distinguished Fellow Cincinnati Psychiatric Association, Member Council of Science Editors National Alliance for the Mentally Ill of Ohio and Ohio Psychiatric Association; I was the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society, I was not the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society; Co-founder Society of Biological Psychiatry, Society for Neuroscience. Assistant Professor of Education, American Politics, Harvard University, deputy director of Harvard’s Program on Education Policy and Governance, and is an affiliate of the Pelosi-Reid Center for Responsible State and Local Government. Professor of Sociology at Harvard University, and author of the book, Why Minorities Who Refuse To Pay Their Bills Often Have Bad Credit; published widely in journals of opinion and the national press, especially the New York Times, where was recently a guest columnist for several weeks. Her columns have also appeared in Time Magazine, Newsweek. Recipient of the Distinguished Contribution to Scholarship Award of the American Sociological Association; and co-winner of the Assimilation Award for the best book on pluralism from the American Political Science Association;  holds honorary degrees from several other universities, including the University of Chicago, U.C.L.A and La Trobe University in Australia. She was awarded the Order of DaBong by the Government of Jamaica in 1999. Othere Honors also include the Acute Mellitus Award of the American Diabetes Association, the Amy Gdala Lecture of the American Physiological Society, and Honorary Doctorates from the University of Athens and the University of Edinburgh, recipient of the Sodium Lecture Award from the Endocrine Society, the Vomitus Medal from the American Diabetes Association, the Ernest K. Cognition Lecture Award from the National Psychology Professors Association, as well as twice being the winner of a Burger King 2-for-1 coupon. Currently, she is enrolled in an online dental hygienist program, and  was ranked first in her class this past quarter in ‘virtual flossing.’


Professor Papalopolopolis can be reached through The Fine Report, care of the editor: thefinereport@gmail.com


(If you find the purple sticky-note she’s still looking for, please let us know. And the Professor asks us to remind you once again: global warming has absolutely nothing to do with racism.)



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Published on April 28, 2012,

With the publication of Barack Obama picking his nose up to the second joint of his finger at a press conference, the discovery of a transcript between then U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, and China’s Communist Party Chairman Mao-tse Dung (the greast mass murder in history: he killed 90 million people) circa 1972, has created world-wide panic among people who have shaken Obama’s hand:


The world-record public nose-pick, to the index finger’s proximal inter-phalangeal joint:


The transcript:
Mao: There is an ancient Chinese proverb, Mr. Kissinger: ‘Never touch the finger of a man who picks his nose in public. Because even a fool knows what he must doing with it in private.’
Kissinger: Why are you telling me this?
Mao: One day you will see.  I have two more words for you.
Kissinger: Yes?
Mao: Anita Dunn.
Kissinger: Who is that?
Mao: One day you will see.



Victims, throughout the globe:



Hand santizer stocks soar on news:




There were some who discovered the threat, but too late:



There is only one public figure known to remain unfazed:


– “Usually when I see him, I’m blitzed anyway.”  U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton



Revelation of the transcript has finally shed light on the mystery why Michelle Obama did not shake her husband’s hand on victory night.


 – “Don’t even think about it, Barack. You’re lucky you’re getting a knuckle.”


And finally, ‘Anita Dunn,’ Obama’s White House Communication Director, resigning in disgrace upon admitting her political hero is the greatest mass murderer in history: Mao-tse Dung. Here is the video of her statement:


The story, in print:




Who was Mao-tse Dung, and why did Anita Dunn resign after she publicly admitted he is her political heros?



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report




Obama’s ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ Accused of Bigotry — and Bullying!

Published on April 28, 2012,


When you put a lunatic in power, he will empower fellow-lunatics, often calling them ‘commissars,’ ‘reichsfuhers’ — or ‘czars.’



Obama’s bigoted ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ bullies Judeo-Christian group, attacking them for their beliefs:


“We can ignore all the ‘B.S.’ in the Bible.”



Will he say this to American Muslims about their holy book?


“Are you kidding? They’d cut my f-ing head off!”


– Obama Czar of Dork, Dan Savage: bigot, propagandist , and sex expert in his hallucinations.

Disaster: Barack Obama Caves On Iran Nukes

Published on April 28, 2012,

Obama consession — or confession?




In a major concession, Obama administration officials say they could support allowing Iran to continue a crucial element of its disputed nuclear program if the government in Tehran takes other major steps to curb its ability to develop a nuclear bomb.


The officials told The Times they might agree to let Tehran continue enriching uranium up to concentrations of 5% if the Iranian government agreed to unrestricted inspections and strict oversight and safeguards that the United Nations long has demanded.


Iran began enriching small amounts of uranium to 20% purity in February 2010 for what it contends are peaceful purposes, although most of its stockpile is purified at lower levels. Uranium can be used as bomb fuel at about 90% enrichment.



In other words, Iran can’t do this:




But they can do this:




‘From my understanding, that is correct. They can now do this.’


– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton




White House Press Secretary Tells His Greatest Lie Yet:

Published on April 28, 2012,


“I never lie.”




Obama Press Secretary, ‘Baghdad Jay’ Carney:


– Photo courtesy of Peoplescube.com


Some previous Carney lies:


– Carney told reporters in April that the president had never argued the Buffett Rule would solve the country’s deficit problems. But when the Buffett Rule was first introduced in September, President Obama claimed the tax would “stabilize our debt and deficits for the next decade.”


– Following a report that Hilary B. Rosen, the Democratic consultant who said Ann Romney had “never actually worked a day in her life,” had visited the Obama White House 35 times, Carney told reporters he personally knew three people named “Hilary Rosen.” Rosen herself said she was the only Hilary Rosen she had met before.


– Carney also battled this month with Fox News reporter Ed Henry and CBS News reporter Norah O’Donnell after he claimed the president had not said it would be an “unprecedented” step for the Supreme Court to overturn Obamacare:
ED HENRY: In his original comments he did not draw out that caveat. He just said the whole thing would be unprecedented.
JAY CARNEY: That’s not what he said, Ed, and that’s certainly not what he meant. It was clear to most folks who observe this and understand is at issue here.
NORAH O’DONNELL: Jay, that’s not true. The president said on Monday: “It would an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected Congress.” It took him until yesterday to talk about the commerce clause and on an economic issue—there are two instances in the past 80 years where the precedent, where the Supreme Court has overturned stuff—U.S. vs. Lopez and U.S. vs. Morrison. These are very specific legal issues. It’s not evident to everybody.
CARNEY: Well, it may not be evident to you. It is clear that the president was talking about matters like this that involve the commerce clause.
– Last year, Carney told reporters that Obama was never against signing statements except when George W. Bush abused them–but Obama had come out against signing statements in 2008 while running for president.




‘Baghdad Jay promised he wouldn’t come in my — ‘

‘But he did.  And the check didn’t come in the mail, either.’


Oxymorons Invade Gulf Coast

Published on April 28, 2012,

Giant shrimp population encroaching on native species in U.S. Gulf waters


– Ecological disaster – could destroy smaller native shrimp population


– Restaurants forced to  upgrade shrimp cocktails to main course


– Cocktail sauce-maker stocks soar on news


– Species to be renamed?


– Oxymoron, the giant shrimp




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