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Gov. Chris Christie: And you only thought he had a weight problem?

Published on May 1, 2012,

Chris Christie for Vice President? After this, fat chance.

 

 DANIEL PIPES: Chris Christie’s Islam Problem

“Christie has hugged a terrorist-organization member, abridged free-speech rights, scorned concern over Islamization, and opposed law-enforcement counterterrorism efforts. Whenever an issue touching on Islam arises, Christie takes the Islamist side against those — the DHS, state senators, the NYPD, even the ACLU — who worry about lawful Islamism eroding the fabric of American life.”

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/297322/chris-christie-s-islam-problem-daniel-pipes

 

-New Jersey Tubenor Chis Christie, ordering lunch.

 

 

Weigh-loss Guru RICHARD SIMMONS: “He’s fat, fat, fat!  Otherwise, I love the bastard.”

– Richard Simmons, preparing to be sat on by Chris Christie.

 

 
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Google CEO Larry Page: Party animal?

Published on May 1, 2012,

Could this be the same guy ignoring the law and invading everyone’s privacy?

 

(Is it only billionaires that have this much fun?)

 

– Google CEO Larry Page, having a good time? — “High five!”

 

 

 

– Google CEO Larry Page, having shaved moustache, after realizing it caused irritation from his daily ritual of putting a rubber glove over head head and inflating it through his nose. “My next challenge is to find a better hair dresser. Maybe I’ll Google one. You know, maybe I should leave a rubber glove on head all the time.”
 
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The Fine Report and I…

Published on May 1, 2012,

“We make a lovely pair, don’t we?”

 

 

– Google co-founder Larry Page, after latest botched plastic surgery

 

 

 
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Question to Australia: Where do you guys get these names?

Published on May 1, 2012,

The ‘Mr. Sandal’ Scandal Continues:

 

House Speaker Peter Slipper, circling the drain, with his friends in tow:

Pyne, Abbott face questions over Slipper

http://news.brisbanetimes.com.au/breaking-news-national/pyne-abbott-face-questions-over-slipper-20120501-1xwng.html

 

May 1, 2012 – 3:59PM

AAP:

 

Deputy Prime Minister Wayne Swan

 

says senior members of the federal opposition must reveal if they knew the content of legal action against Speaker Peter Slipper

 

 

before the suit was lodged in court.  Fairfax Media says coalition frontbencher Christopher Pyne

 

 

spent almost two hours drinking and chatting with Slipper

 

 

adviser James Hunter Ashby

 

 

a month before Mr Ashby lodged documents accusing Mr Slipper

 

of sexual harassment and misusing cab vouchers.  Mr Pyne

 

met with Mr Ashby and another Slipper

 

 

staffer in the Speaker’s office in Parliament House on the evening of March 19, and he later phoned the office to request Mr. Hunter Ashby’s

 

mobile number, the report said.  “I think Mr Pyne

 

has many questions to answer,” Mr Swan

 

told reporters in Canberra on Tuesday.  “The same standard that is being applied to Mr Slipper

 

ought to be applied to the opposition.”  Mr Slipper

 

has stood aside as Speaker until all the claims against him are resolved.  Mr Hunter Ashby’s

 

claim was filed in the Federal Court in Sydney on Friday, April 20.  Mr Pyne

 

told Sky News the following Sunday the first he knew of it was when he read about it in a newspaper.  Asked on the ABC’s 7.30 television program last week if there was evidence to suggest Mr Hunter Ashby

 

had received help from the coalition in preparing his court claim, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott

 

said: “Not that I’m aware of.”   Mr Swan

 

told reporters in Canberra on Tuesday that Mr Pyne

 

and Mr Abbott

 

must reveal all they knew about the matter.  “When you’ve listened to Mr Abbott’s

 

slippery answers about these questions, he has not answered the question about whether he had any knowledge of the Hunter Ashby

 

 

claim,” Mr Swan

 

said.  “He has not answered the question about the role any of his staff may have played in the events that have unfolded.  Comment was being sought from Mr Pyne.

.

 

 

…Whew!

 

Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

thefinereport@gmail.com

 
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One picture is worth a thousand words…

Published on May 1, 2012,

Why is it so impossible to get facts through to certain people?

 

Perhaps this explains it in a nutshell:

 

“Fox New is biased! It is! Look, don’t argue with me — the story’s everywhere: on the news, NPR, PBS, it in the paper, it in a magazine, on the Huffington Post. I even heard Oprah talking about it. Are you one of those people getting your information from some right wing blog?  You’re crazy!

 

A corrupt news media coupled with a great many ignorant and indoctrinated citizens is a harbinger of very, very bad things to come.

 

It’s not even funny.

 

 

 

 

 

 Well….

 

 

 

 

 

 

…maybe a little funny…

 

 

“He KILLS me!  HAS to be the funniest president yet.”

-Actor and political scholar, George Clooney


 

 

 
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Hugo Chavez ‘puts his trust in Christ,’ as he heads to Cuba for more cancer treatment

Published on May 1, 2012,
Clutching a crucifix and holding back tears, Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez appeared live on television for the first time in 17 days, saying he was counting on Christ for help as he returns to Cuba for more cancer treatment — the sixth time, since announcing in February he would require a third operation to remove a second tumor from his pelvic area. (“Or a second operation to remove a third tumor. I keep forgetting which,” said Chavez.)

 

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-04-30/chavez-seeks-permission-to-fly-to-cuba-for-more-cancer-treatment.html

 

 

“Hugo, Hugo, Hugo… What kind of dumbbell goes back five times to the same doctors who did him in on the first visit?  As you’ve come to realize, you will need a miracle now to save you. But as those amusing Americans you are so contemptuous of might say, ‘Don’t hold your breath…'”

 

 

 

“Greetings, Hugo. Didn’t think we’d remember your ‘Damn you, State of  Israel’  thing, did you?  I also heard you did to Venezuela the same thing those Cuban doctors did to your anus. But let’s get down to business: I understand you found the Havana heat unconfortable…”
 
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THE TRANSCRIPT UNCOVERED: Brad Pitt Meeting V.P. Joe Biden in the White House

Published on April 30, 2012,

If you remember earlier this year, Brad Pitt went on a PR visit to the White House to meet with Barack Obama.  But there was a recording secretly made of a meeting that occurred with Vice President Biden, and The Fine Report has obtained it.

 

-US Vice President Joseph Biden. (Yes, that’s really is the Vice President of the United States.)

 

-Actor and political expert, Brad Pitt

 

Brad Pitt reports ‘great’ conversation with VP Biden

 02/06/12 03:20 PM ET
http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/208889-brad-pitt-recently-had-a-great-conversation-with-vp-biden
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

 

Biden: Charlie Sheen! Great to meet you. Glad to see you’re recovering.

Pitt: No, actually I’m Brad Pitt.

Biden: God love ya! Stand up and take a bow.

Pitt: I am standing.

Biden: What can I do for ya, young fella?

Pitt: I wanted to talk about low-income housing in the United States. I think it’s terrible.

Biden: I know – who the hell would want to live in one of those dumps. Why people do, I’ll never understand.

Pitt: I always heard it was because they can’t afford it.

Biden: I don’t know, it’s never really been explained to me.

Pitt: Say, I don’t know if you know this, but I have a passion for architecture.

Biden: So, you’re an architect?

Pitt: No, I’m an actor.

Biden: So what’s with the architecture thing?

Pitt: I want to help rebuild areas of New Orleans.

Biden: Did you ever hear of HUD?

Pitt: Yeah, that Paul Newman movie. I was thinking of doing a remake.

Biden: Who’s Paul Newman?

Pitt: An actor. Say, why are we exporting so much of our GDP to support this dependency on oil? Why are we polluting the environment? It just makes no sense to me anymore.

Biden: You gotta be kidding me.

Pitt: No, I’m serious.

Biden:  For one, your buddy Barack killed all oil exploration in the U.S. So we’re more dependent on foreign oil than ever. And who says we’re polluting the environment? Our factories are the cleanest in the world. Go talk to the China and India – they’re the only  giant economies in the world with absolutely no pollution controls. Man, you really must be an actor.

Pitt: You sure about this stuff?

Biden: Charlie, lemme give you a tip: just shut up and look pretty. Let your wife do the talking.

Pitt: — Brad

Biden: You’re wife’s name is “Brad?”

 

BREAK IN TRANSCRIPT.

A scuffle has ensued between Pitt and Biden. The closest Secret Service nearby got up, zipped up his pants, and came between them. Cooler heads prevailed, and Biden and Pitt let by gones be by gones.

 

CONTINUE TRANSCRIPT:

 

Biden: So what’d you think about meeting Barack?

Pitt: It was kinda awkward at first – you know, I don’t want to impose on a busy man.

Biden: Busy? He doesn’t do anything!

Pitt: Yeah, I noticed. Still, people were standing around him, were telling him what to do. I just looked around watching him check ‘yes/no’ boxes on forms. The rest of the time I just stared out the window.

Biden: Did you meet his wife?

Pitt: His wife? Was she there?

Biden: She was the only woman in the room.

Pitt: You mean –- that fat woman with the bad clothes?

Biden: That’s his wife.

Pitt: Damn. I thought she was with the cleaning crew.

Biden: Did you express any of your important concerns to the president?

Pitt: Well, for one thing, I was wondering if he finally stopped smoking.

Biden: Nah, he smokes like a chimney. So do I. You want a cigarette?

Pitt: Nah, I stopped when I stopped smoking pot.

Biden: Yeah, I heard you had a problem with the hard stuff.

Pitt: I got really sick of myself at the end of the 1990s. I was hiding out from the celebrity thing. I was laying on the couch smoking dope – among doing other things. I used to deal with my depression — that was last decade. This decade, I’m dealing with my stupidity. But I’m an Obama supporter, no question. It doesn’t mean there’s nothing to learn from the other side.” (Long pause)  What is the other side?… Mr. Biden? Mr. Biden?…

(Biden wakes up from having dozed off.)

Biden: Huh? — Sorry – did you want a cigarette?

Pitt: No thanks. You know, as for religion, I grew up very religious. But I don’t have a great relationship with religion. I oscillate between agnosticism and atheism.  To be honest, I keep forgetting which is which, so I keep having to ask my publicist. (Pitt laughs, shaking his head.) I do a lot oscillating… Mr. Biden? Mr. Biden?….

(Biden wakes up from dozing off again.)

Biden: Huh? — Sorry – did you want a cigarette?

Pitt: Yeah, what the hell. You got a light, too? (He looks around.) You know, it smells a lot better in there than it did in Obama’s office. You know… I didn’t want to say anything.

(Biden lights Pitt’s cigarette, and snorts)

Biden: You shoulda smelled his campaign plane. Say, you’re married, aren’t ya? That Jennifer girl.

Pitt: No, we weren’t married, must living togther. We’re not together now. I’m with a new woman. Angelina.

Biden: Nice name. But reminds me of the daugher of that right-wing actor Jon Voight:  dopey tattoos, a crazy lesbianism — and not to mention what I hear about her spreading her legs for half of Hollywood and Washington DC. A real slut, if you know what I mean. Talk about that actress taking a bow:  Whoo-woo!

Pitt: You’re talking about my wife goddamn it!

Biden  (laughs) Really? God love ya Charlie —

Before Biden can say anymore, Pitt jumps on him and another fight ensues.  The same Secret Service man as last time jumps up, zips up his pants and rushes over to break up the melee. Pitt is finally escorted out of the building.

 

END TRANSCRIPT.

 

Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

thefinereport@gmail.com

 
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Shameless name dropping:

Published on April 29, 2012,

 

“BARACK BIZARRE: PRESIDENT JOKES ABOUT EATING DOGS?”

 

http://drudgereport.com/

 

 

 

 
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ACORN Whistleblower Says Obama Dept of Justice ‘Has Gone Wild’

Published on April 29, 2012,

Whistleblower: “Our country is under attack from the inside.”

http://spectator.org/blog/2012/04/28/true-the-vote-summit-acorn-whi

 

Poetic justice: The accused, holding a pen he borrowed from Barack Obama. (Did Holder then know of Obama’s nose-picking habit?)

 

– Giant, dramatic picture of US Attorney General, Eric – now, ‘Cooties’  – Holder.

 

 

What did Holder know, and when did he know it?

 

The proximal inter-phalangeal joint that disappeared, above, located midway down the finger:

 

But did Obama use Purell? If so, when did he use it?

 

 

 

 

RELATED, and NO JOKE:

 

Contempt of Congress Charges Being Drafted for Holder

 

http://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2012/04/27/contempt_of_congress_charges_drafted_for_eric_holder

 
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THEFINEREPORT.com Stats:

Published on April 29, 2012,

If Matt brags on his website (www.drudgereport.com) about his stats,  then who the hell are we not to?

 

OUR FIRST WEEK, April 22 – 29, 2012

 

– ONE QUARTER-MILLION HITS

(All robots/spiders/bots — though one person actually did visit, but then pleaded with us for that part of his life back – so we gave it to him.)

 

– 69 COUNTRIES

 

– 2 PLANETS

 

“Me, again!  And I’m still sick! See, up here, we live to 900 of your Earth years. When one of use gets a cold, it lasts for 8 months. (Don’t even ask what happens when one of us eats bad sushi.) But nonetheless, The Fine Point Report has kept me entertained as well as informed of what’s really going on, on Earth. I did get a laugh at yet another of your scientists trying to debunk Einstein’s Theory of Relativity – trust me, long ago we discovered nothing is faster than the speed of light. Nothing even gets close,  except, I noticed, the movement of the American race-baiter Al Shaprton towards a TV camera — and oddly, the TV cameras towards him.  That whole race thing is so stupid. I mean, take me: my mother was blue and my father was yellow, so I turned out green. No big deal up here. We vaporized race-baiters long ago.  And why is Saturday Night Live no longer funny since Barack Obama was elected president of the U.S.?  The shows up here making fun of him are hysterical! Hey, one more thing: I don’t get those on-going jokes about Barack Obama picking his ‘nose.’ What is a ‘nose?'”

 

 

For our little friend’s first visit to The Fine Report, see:

http://thefinereport.com/2012/04/the-finereport-com-stats/

 
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Today’s Guest Advice Columnist, Michelle Obama

Published on April 29, 2012,

Mary asks Michelle for advice on making a reunion dinner:

Dear Michelle,
 I’m having a dinner party at my home for 12 high school friends I have not seen in 10 years, and I don’t know how much money I’m expected to spend on dinner. Can you give me any advice?
 Mary Johnson
Silver Springs Maryland, USA

 

Dear Mary from Maryland,

 

Preparing dinner for old friends is not about money, it’s about love. It’s interesting that your party will be taking place not far from where I live in Washington D.C. I just might surprise you and show up!

 

Now, guidelines about that dinner. I conferred with the White House chef, and I’m forwarding his suggestions, along with my own comments.

 

First, if you have any nose-pickers in the house, as I do with Barack (or some coming in, as we do with Hillary Clinton), I suggest making bottles of Purell available as people enter, prior to any handshaking, so as not spoil anyone’s appetite.

 

Now, I can imagine three scenarios:

 

The first scenario is me dropping drop in at your place for dinner that night. In that event, I recommend beginning with an aperitif, and small appetizers served with cocktails. When everyone is seated for dinner, begin with an appetizer course. There may be several appetizer courses, including hot and cold appetizers, usually followed by a neutral palate cleanser to prepare the tongue for the next course. A salad course is served after the meal, because this is believed to aid the digestion. At any point a servants show any sign of tiring, fire their ass and make the next servant behind them take their place. (Don’t worry about replacing help — there’s a depression on.) Next, I  suggest offered a choice of thick or clear soup with the soup course, before a break is taken to consume sorbet or a similar palate cleanser. There are sometimes several main courses served in a dinner such as the one you are preparing for me – I mean, your party. Fish is usually served on its own, before the meat courses, and guests may be offered poultry, beef, or lamb as that main meat course. You might even offer a separate vegetable course, which can act a palate cleansers, to relieve the weightiness of the flesh courses. Speaking of cleansers, I would now pass around the Purell, because at this point, someone’s husband, like mine, would have unabashedly driven his finger in his nose all the way up to its proximal inter-phalangeal joint, and some sterilizing might be necessary so as as not to put a damper on anyone’s appetite. Now, a formal dinner would be complete without dessert. Dessert choices might include a cheese plate, a fruit plate, crème brulee, or a cake course. Desserts should be elaborately arranged, and  be decorated with edible flowers, chocolate sculptures, and other edible ornamental accents. After dessert, liquors such as brandy and fortified dessert wines should be offered, to signal to guests that the meal is over. But I usually just tell people to ‘get the #%&$@ out of my house.’ Don’t forget, wine should be carefully chosen to complement the foods being served at each course.

 

The second scenario I imagine is if I am not coming. In that case, why not make life easy and toss some steaks on the barbeque, make a terrific salad and serve with a nice wine. Desert should be something that will evoke fond memories of your days in school together.

 

The third scenario is that I am coming, but I am paying for dinner. Don’t fret, my staff will deal with all press releases and media coverage, and cameras will follow me to Kentucky Fried Chicken, where I will take advantage of KFC’s terrific 2-for-1 deal they have going on their delightful ‘Hot Wings’ buckets. (I even found an online for free slaw and mashed potatoes.) As you know Mary, I have striven to make the nation aware of the perils of overeating. So in that spirit, we’ll keep portions small under ‘scenario three.’ And let me know if you have any food stamps we can use.

 

So keep on strivening, Mary from Maryland (where ever that is) – make that party happen!

 

Fondly,
Michelle Obama
 
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Message to Our International Friends: In case you didn’t figure it out by now, American ‘news’ is not ‘news’

Published on April 29, 2012,

This, from the French news site, French-News-Online (with a correction):

 

“MSNBC-TV
For a decidedly American bullsh-t slant on top news stories, check this video newsfeed daily
– Click the image above”

http://www.french-news-online.com/

 

– ‘Slant’ is right. Sadly, friends on the other side of the globe: the vast majority of major American network and newspaper ‘news’ is no longer reporting of fact. It is more akin to propaganda to benefit the American political party of the left (the Democrat party, the name of which should not be confused with “democracy”).

 

– If you want to know what is really going on in the United States, you’d do better to read a variety of ‘new’ American media sources (such as www.drudgereport.com, which is a good place to start) or Canadian and British online news sources other than the BBC (www.globeandmail.com; www.Telegraph.co.uk).

 

– Or read The Fine Report!

 

Interestingly, The Fine Report recently commissioned a study that revealed people who regularly read us have marketly better chances of attracting sex partners.

 

(But always remember how little we pay for things around here, especially things like studies.)

 

 
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Read The Fine Report — or miss the boat and be left behind:

Published on April 29, 2012,

-Woman with nice behind, sadly, missing the boat. She she did not read The Fine Report.

 
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Romney, Secret Service, GOP: Obama mocks them all!

Published on April 29, 2012,

Obama knocks them dead at Saturday night’s celebrity- studded White House Correspondents Dinner, one fool at a time:

 

Obama’s best line: “How do you break my finger? Punch me in the nose!”

 

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha….!”

– Looney George Clooney, in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.

 

“Here — break my other finger!”

 

“HA-HA-HA-HA-HA……!”

– Looney George Clooney, still in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.

 

“Pick a winner, Barack!”

-Katherine Sebelius, Potentate of the U.S. health care system under the Obamacare law, demonstrating that if you want to be a Potentate, you have to look impotentate.

 

 

http://news.yahoo.com/romney-secret-gop-obama-mocks-them-035337938.html

 
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The Aussie ‘Mr. Sandal’ Scandal Continues: Gillard Puts Slipper In Her Pipper

Published on April 29, 2012,

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard purportedly asks Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper to extend his time away from his post as Speaker of the Lower House:

 

  Subtle pressure purportely exerted: ‘Get the #%&@ out!’

 

–  Gillard fears Lower House will get even lower

 

–  Scandal alleges use of taxpayer-funded taxi vouchers and sexual harassment claims

 

 – Claims Slipper grabbed Gillard’s bottom ‘one last time, for good luck,’ before spiriting away in a hired car at taxpayer expense

 

Says Gillard: “It wasn’t so much my bum getting the pinch, but I did overhear Speaker Slipper tell the taxi driver, ‘to England, and step on it!’  I fear that ride is going to cost quite a bit of money.

 

However — The Fine Report has the inside story, as told to us by the official Lower House photographer, who overhead the following exchange between Gillard and Slipper as he snapped this photo:

 

– “Julia, finish your cocktail, then meet me under the desk.”
– “Peter! Isn’t the rest of the House watching?”
– “No, it’s safe to come in – I sent them all home in taxis.  The only one left is this bloke taking my picture — and you’d think he’d get on with it already.”

 

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/more-news/pm-julia-gillard-asks-peter-slipper-to-extend-time-away-from-speakers-chair/story-fn7x8me2-1226341904842

 

 

“That country is crazy! Why don’t they just co-opt the news media, like we did here?”

-Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who might have bought-off the American news  media, she but couldn’t buy off enough American voters, and as a result, got a collective foot in her ass in 2010.  She is now a Congresswoman from Northern California, but remains the House Minority Leader of the Democrat party. We look forward  putting more boots in her ass for the damage she’s done to our nation.

 

 

Want to earn up to $1US? Yes, that dollar can be yours! That’s what The Fine Report will pay if you have an exclusive tip about a major international scandal.  Why not  earn the same rate we pay our lawyer, and without the headache and expense of going to law school?  (*Note: certain conditions apply.)

 

*The certain conditions:

1-The story must be an exclusive story, not run by any major or minor news or entertainment outlet anywhere in the world.

2-The story must be of a story of the magnitude of the bombing of Pearl Harbor or Lindbergh’s flight across the Atlantic.

3-At the discretion of The Fine Report, the dollar reward is payable in monthly installments, over a 20-year period.

4-Tipper must send 240 self-addressed, stamped envelope upon notice of reward.

5-There can be no typos or misspellings in your tip.

6-Tip must be written in all languages that are translated in the U.N., including English.

7-Failure of any of the conditions above, and tipper agrees to fly the staff of The Fine Report round-trip to Hawaii, first class.

 

 

Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

thefinereport@gmail.com


 
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Who Is ‘The Professor?”

Published on April 28, 2012,

We have recieved quite a few emails asking for the background of the expert featured in our ‘The Professor Weighs In’ segments. Her name is Professor Allison D. Papalopolopolis.

 

– “Hey there!”

 

 The following is her curriculum vitae:

 

Distinguished Professor of Law, University of Cardozo;  Answer & Demurrer Professor of Law and Political Science; John J. Gotti Professor of Public Interest Law, Legal Ethics, and Political Science. MD from University of Colorado School of Medicine, graduating with the Diverticulitis Award for Highest Academic Standing. Formal liaison to Harvard Medical School, sitting on the Council of Academic Deans. Authored over 2,000 scholarly papers and reviews and has held many editorial positions. Member, American Academy of Clinical Psychiatrists, American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, American College of Neuropsychopharmacology, First Place Award in National Medical Spelling Bee, Fellow American College of Physician Executives, American College of Psychiatrists, Fellow American Medical Association, Life Member American Psychiatric Association, Distinguished Fellow Cincinnati Psychiatric Association, Member Council of Science Editors National Alliance for the Mentally Ill of Ohio and Ohio Psychiatric Association; I was the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society, I was not the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society; Co-founder Society of Biological Psychiatry, Society for Neuroscience. Assistant Professor of Education, American Politics, Harvard University, deputy director of Harvard’s Program on Education Policy and Governance, and is an affiliate of the Pelosi-Reid Center for Responsible State and Local Government. Professor of Sociology at Harvard University, and author of the book, Why Minorities Who Refuse To Pay Their Bills Often Have Bad Credit; published widely in journals of opinion and the national press, especially the New York Times, where was recently a guest columnist for several weeks. Her columns have also appeared in Time Magazine, Newsweek. Recipient of the Distinguished Contribution to Scholarship Award of the American Sociological Association; and co-winner of the Assimilation Award for the best book on pluralism from the American Political Science Association;  holds honorary degrees from several other universities, including the University of Chicago, U.C.L.A and La Trobe University in Australia. She was awarded the Order of DaBong by the Government of Jamaica in 1999. Othere Honors also include the Acute Mellitus Award of the American Diabetes Association, the Amy Gdala Lecture of the American Physiological Society, and Honorary Doctorates from the University of Athens and the University of Edinburgh, recipient of the Sodium Lecture Award from the Endocrine Society, the Vomitus Medal from the American Diabetes Association, the Ernest K. Cognition Lecture Award from the National Psychology Professors Association, as well as twice being the winner of a Burger King 2-for-1 coupon. Currently, she is enrolled in an online dental hygienist program, and  was ranked first in her class this past quarter in ‘virtual flossing.’

 

Professor Papalopolopolis can be reached through The Fine Report, care of the editor: thefinereport@gmail.com

 

(If you find the purple sticky-note she’s still looking for, please let us know. And the Professor asks us to remind you once again: global warming has absolutely nothing to do with racism.)

 

 

Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

 
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BREAKING: WORLD-WIDE PANIC AFTER DISCOVERY OF MAO ‘WISE-SAYING’ TO KISSINGER

Published on April 28, 2012,

With the publication of Barack Obama picking his nose up to the second joint of his finger at a press conference, the discovery of a transcript between then U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, and China’s Communist Party Chairman Mao-tse Dung (the greast mass murder in history: he killed 90 million people) circa 1972, has created world-wide panic among people who have shaken Obama’s hand:

 

The world-record public nose-pick, to the index finger’s proximal inter-phalangeal joint:

 

The transcript:
Mao: There is an ancient Chinese proverb, Mr. Kissinger: ‘Never touch the finger of a man who picks his nose in public. Because even a fool knows what he must doing with it in private.’
Kissinger: Why are you telling me this?
Mao: One day you will see.  I have two more words for you.
Kissinger: Yes?
Mao: Anita Dunn.
Kissinger: Who is that?
Mao: One day you will see.

 

 

Victims, throughout the globe:

 

 

Hand santizer stocks soar on news:

 

 

 

There were some who discovered the threat, but too late:

 

 

There is only one public figure known to remain unfazed:

 

– “Usually when I see him, I’m blitzed anyway.”  U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton

 

 

Revelation of the transcript has finally shed light on the mystery why Michelle Obama did not shake her husband’s hand on victory night.

 

 – “Don’t even think about it, Barack. You’re lucky you’re getting a knuckle.”

 

And finally, ‘Anita Dunn,’ Obama’s White House Communication Director, resigning in disgrace upon admitting her political hero is the greatest mass murderer in history: Mao-tse Dung. Here is the video of her statement:

 

The story, in print:

http://frontpagemag.com/2009/10/29/confronting-anita-mao-tse-dunn-by-david-swindle/

 

FOR FURTHER READING:

Who was Mao-tse Dung, and why did Anita Dunn resign after she publicly admitted he is her political heros?

http://archive.frontpagemag.com/readArticle.aspx?ARTID=6894

 


Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

thefinereport@gmail.com

 

 
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Obama’s ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ Accused of Bigotry — and Bullying!

Published on April 28, 2012,

 

When you put a lunatic in power, he will empower fellow-lunatics, often calling them ‘commissars,’ ‘reichsfuhers’ — or ‘czars.’

 

ANOTHER FIRST IN AMERICA:

Obama’s bigoted ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ bullies Judeo-Christian group, attacking them for their beliefs:

 

“We can ignore all the ‘B.S.’ in the Bible.”

 

 

Will he say this to American Muslims about their holy book?

 

“Are you kidding? They’d cut my f-ing head off!”

 

– Obama Czar of Dork, Dan Savage: bigot, propagandist , and sex expert in his hallucinations.
 
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Disaster: Barack Obama Caves On Iran Nukes

Published on April 28, 2012,

Obama consession — or confession?

 

MAJOR OBAMA CONSESSION TO IRANIAN NUKE WEAPON PROGRAM:

 

In a major concession, Obama administration officials say they could support allowing Iran to continue a crucial element of its disputed nuclear program if the government in Tehran takes other major steps to curb its ability to develop a nuclear bomb.

 

The officials told The Times they might agree to let Tehran continue enriching uranium up to concentrations of 5% if the Iranian government agreed to unrestricted inspections and strict oversight and safeguards that the United Nations long has demanded.

 

Iran began enriching small amounts of uranium to 20% purity in February 2010 for what it contends are peaceful purposes, although most of its stockpile is purified at lower levels. Uranium can be used as bomb fuel at about 90% enrichment.

www.latimes.com

 

In other words, Iran can’t do this:

 

 

 

But they can do this:

 

 

 

‘From my understanding, that is correct. They can now do this.’

 

– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton

 

 

 
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White House Press Secretary Tells His Greatest Lie Yet:

Published on April 28, 2012,

 

“I never lie.”

http://hotair.com/archives/2012/04/27/good-news-from-jay-carney-i-never-lie/

 

 

Obama Press Secretary, ‘Baghdad Jay’ Carney:

 

– Photo courtesy of Peoplescube.com

 

Some previous Carney lies:

 

– Carney told reporters in April that the president had never argued the Buffett Rule would solve the country’s deficit problems. But when the Buffett Rule was first introduced in September, President Obama claimed the tax would “stabilize our debt and deficits for the next decade.”

 

– Following a report that Hilary B. Rosen, the Democratic consultant who said Ann Romney had “never actually worked a day in her life,” had visited the Obama White House 35 times, Carney told reporters he personally knew three people named “Hilary Rosen.” Rosen herself said she was the only Hilary Rosen she had met before.

 

– Carney also battled this month with Fox News reporter Ed Henry and CBS News reporter Norah O’Donnell after he claimed the president had not said it would be an “unprecedented” step for the Supreme Court to overturn Obamacare:
ED HENRY: In his original comments he did not draw out that caveat. He just said the whole thing would be unprecedented.
JAY CARNEY: That’s not what he said, Ed, and that’s certainly not what he meant. It was clear to most folks who observe this and understand is at issue here.
NORAH O’DONNELL: Jay, that’s not true. The president said on Monday: “It would an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected Congress.” It took him until yesterday to talk about the commerce clause and on an economic issue—there are two instances in the past 80 years where the precedent, where the Supreme Court has overturned stuff—U.S. vs. Lopez and U.S. vs. Morrison. These are very specific legal issues. It’s not evident to everybody.
CARNEY: Well, it may not be evident to you. It is clear that the president was talking about matters like this that involve the commerce clause.
– Last year, Carney told reporters that Obama was never against signing statements except when George W. Bush abused them–but Obama had come out against signing statements in 2008 while running for president.

http://freebeacon.com/carney-i-never-lie/

 

 

‘Baghdad Jay promised he wouldn’t come in my — ‘

‘But he did.  And the check didn’t come in the mail, either.’


 
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Oxymorons Invade Gulf Coast

Published on April 28, 2012,

Giant shrimp population encroaching on native species in U.S. Gulf waters

 

– Ecological disaster – could destroy smaller native shrimp population

 

– Restaurants forced to  upgrade shrimp cocktails to main course

 

– Cocktail sauce-maker stocks soar on news

 

– Species to be renamed?

 

– Oxymoron, the giant shrimp

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2135907/Giant-cannibal-shrimp-grow-13-INCHES-long-invade-waters-Gulf-Coast.html

 

 
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BOEHNER: TIME TO RESIGN

Published on April 28, 2012,

 

 

HOUSE SPEAKER BOEHNER: FUNNY NO MORE

 

In light of an EPA official stating this:

“The Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean. They’d go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they’d find the first five guys they saw and they would crucify them. And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years.”… So you put some financial pressure on a company, you get other people in that industry to clean up very quickly.”

 

-Al Armendariz, Administrator for EPA’s South Central Region, appointed by Barack Obama

http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2012/04/if_only_the_romans_had_the_epa_to_crucify_the_dissenters.html

 

This the best House Speaker John Boehner could come up with is this:

“This week the president traveled across the country on taxpayers’ dime at a cost of $179,000 an hour insisting the Congress fix a problem that we were already working on. Frankly, I think this is beneath the dignity of the White House.”

 

What Boehner should have said, was this:

 “This guy is blowing $200,000 of your money every hour, to spread a lie. I would say this is beneath the dignity of the White House, but with this guy in the White House, there is no dignity left. America, this is your money: I’m just a guy trying to watch your back.   And a government official making a statement such as the one Al Armendariz, is, in my mind a dangerous individual. Armendariz will be called before Congress to explain it. If he did indeed say those words, he will resign or he will be impeached from office.”

 

Who is more dangerous, a lunatic in our government like Al Armendariz, or the man we hired to protect us from the likes of him, who it turns out is a poser and a coward, who stab members of his own party in the back? The time to get rid of this bum has long, long passed.

 

– John Boehner: poser, coward, backstabber, bum.

 

 

‘But not a snitch!’

 

 

Australia’s House Speaker Peter Slipper is on the lam and is available. At this point, could we do any worse?

 
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Occupy “Creator” Elizabeth Warren: ‘I didn’t know Harvard Law promoted my lineage’

Published on April 27, 2012,

Harvard Law School touts ‘Occupy Movement’ creator Elizabeth Warren’s lineage as proof of their faculty’s diversity when they hired her:

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/politics/view/20220427warren_i_didnt_know_harvard_law_promoted_my_native_american_lineage/srvc=home&position=0

 

Her ancestors:

 

One generation removed:

Says Warren:  “You’ll see: one day young people will be shitting all over the place, throwing their waste like monkeys in a zoo — and all at my command. It’ll be known as giving the ‘Warren signal:‘ three, two, one  — crap and throw your feces!”

 

Her progeny:

– “I’m looking for a job, by the way. Something with light work, high pay, casual dress and nice restroom facilities. Would you take a look at my resume?”

 

 

 “The ‘Warren Signal!’ — Three, two, one — !”

 

 

 

 

 
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Mitt Romney Once Saved a Dog’s Life — Along With Lives of Six People

Published on April 27, 2012,

And to this day, he has not eaten one.

 

By Elisabeth J. Beardsley / Boston Herald

The drama began at about 8:30 p.m. Saturday, as Romney and his family were relaxing at their lakeside summer home in Wolfeboro, N.H.Gubernatorial son Josh Romney told the Herald yesterday that he and brother Craig were cleaning the beach while their father puttered in the garage when the quiet night air was pierced with screams.”We heard a whole bunch of screaming,” said Josh Romney, who immediately hopped onto his Jet Ski. “We tore out of there and my dad hopped on the other Jet Ski and came out right after us.”Roughly 300 yards out onto the lake, six adult family members and their dog were floundering in the water, after their boat suddenly sprung a huge leak — sinking in less than 90 seconds, Josh said.While water temperatures were a balmy 75 degrees, the deepening darkness obscured other boaters’ vision — prompting the victims’ terrified howls as they were buzzed by other vessels cruising in the entrance to Wolfeboro Bay.Chasing fleeting glimpses of “bobbling heads” in the water, the Romney trio arrived on their two Jet Skis to find three women and three men wearing lifejackets they hadn’t even had time to buckle.The governor pulled the two younger women aboard his three-seater Jet Ski and zoomed back to shore, while his sons helped the mother of the family onto their vehicle.In the middle of the rescue, the governor actually took a dunking himself — thrown off the Jet Ski as one anxious boater scrambled aboard and tipped the craft off-balance.The rescuing Romneys also managed to snatch the family dog, McKenzie, from a watery grave — grabbing the Scottish terrier first because it was the only passenger without a lifejacket.

 

http://www.dailynewstranscript.com/news/x1128483358?zc_p=0#axzz1l9jpsMrS

 

 

Related story:

 

Even NPR gets it: Why Is the New York Times Obsessed With Mitt Romney’s Dog?

(Can you guess?)

http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2011/12/20/144004616/why-is-times-columnist-gail-collins-so-obsessed-with-mitt-romneys-dog

 
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China Central Government Investigates Officals’ Booze-Fueled Feasts

Published on April 27, 2012,

A county in China has banned extravagant feasts after excessive boozing and banqueting by government officials which was taking a toll on the county’s people and its economy.

 

Hefeng county has become notorious for organizing government booze-fuelled feasts where guests are expected to bring gifts, Guangzhou Daily reported.

 

In May 2011, the local Publicity Department and Discipline Inspection Commission of the Communist Party of China, sent two teams to investigate the partying.

 

Arrested and removed from office were county president Deng Xiaoping-Obama and his wife, county vice-president Wang Bingqian-Biden, and county commissar of inebriation Zhang Jingfu-Hillaryclinton,

 

 

http://usa.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2012-04/25/content_15157815.htm

 
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China-Russia Relations Reach New Heights

Published on April 27, 2012,

–  Vice-Premier Li Keqiang meets Russian Prime Minister and Vladimir Putin

“The China-Russia all-around strategic partnership is unprecedented at the moment, and I believe the cooperation between the two countries could reach a new high, as there is a wide range of areas that we could jointly develop,” said Vice-Premier Li Keqiang during his meeting with Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

 

American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.


 
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North Korea Cancels Nuclear Test:

Published on April 27, 2012,

“Never mind.”

 

American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.


Copyright 2012 The Fine Report

thefinereport@gmail.com

 
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China Warns North Korea Not To Carry Out Nuclear Test:

Published on April 27, 2012,

“NO, WE ARE GOING TO BLOW YOUR ASS UP.”

 

American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.


 
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North Korea Issues Another Unusually Specific Threat:

Published on April 27, 2012,

“WE ARE GOING TO BLOW YOUR ASS UP!”

 

American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/envoy/north-korea-issues-unusually-specific-threat-152720861.html

 
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Australia Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper Scandal Continues

Published on April 27, 2012,

Breaking:

AUSTRALIAN Federal Police have stepped up their probe into Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper: misuse of parliamentary travel entitlements.

 

“We’re going in. The public should be assured, our probe of Mr. Slipper  will be very thorough and very, very  deep..”

 

The Fine Report now has a picture of the Slipper.

This, is Australian Speaker of the House on the run, Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper:


 

Hands across the water: the guy is not only as funny-looking as the former U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (booted out of her position in the 2010 election), he seems to have been inspired by her:

 

Judicial Watch: Pelosi’s military travel – much of it personal, and for her grandchildren – cost the United States Air Force $2,100,744.59 over a two-year period — $101,429.14 of which was for in-flight expenses, including food and alcohol:

http://www.theusreport.com/the-us-report/judicial-watch-posts-documents-in-pelosi-air-force-scandal-t.html

 

Judicial Watch Uncovers Documents Detailing Pelosi’s Repeated Requests for Military Travel:

http://www.judicialwatch.org/press-room/press-releases/judicial-watch-uncovers-documents-detailing-pelosis-repeated-requests-military-travel/

 

“Can we please not get sidetracked here? Can we get back to that the new Muslim rule in Egypt that allows men to do the ‘wild thing’ with dead women?  I’m beginning to get worried.”

– Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, who has absolutely nothing to worry about regarding any necrophilia-enabling law, let alone the one recently instituted in Egypt.

 

$101,429.14 — for a drink?”

– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton

 

And then there is Michelle Obama’s millions and millions of dollars in personal and family travel at taxpayer expense, including a personal jet for the family dog….

 

– Glamour icon, Michelle Obama

 

Here are but some of the expenses and adventures of Air Force Ton:

Expensive massages, top shelf vodka and five-star hotels: First Lady accused of spending $10m in public money on her vacations

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2029615/Michelle-Obama-accused-spending-10m-public-money-vacations.html

Michelle Obama  Now Requires 26 Servants

(1 to take her lunch order, and 25 to carry it?)
http://www.canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/13827

Time for the White House to rein in Michelle Obama’s out-of-control spending

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/nilegardiner/100102170/time-for-the-white-house-to-rein-in-michelle-obamas-out-of-control-spending/

Michelle’s Separate Travel Costs Taxpayers

http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2011/08/19/michelles-separate-travel-costs-taxpayers-thousands/

 Michelle Obama jets to Aspen for ski vacation

http://www.examiner.com/article/sacrifice-first-lady-michelle-obama-jets-to-aspen-for-ski-vacation

 

Then, there’s this character:

 

Obama Under Fire For ‘Blending’ Official Travel And Campaign Trips

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/26/barack-obama-travel-costs_n_1457083.html

 

(Obama, shown here blending his finger with his nose.)

– Would you lend your pen to this man?

 

Gotta tell you, Australia: looking at that Slipper on your foot? — He’s not too bad in comparison to the clodhoppers we’re stuck with on ours.

 

 

 
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