Jokes about Jimmy Kimmel, Part 2

Television clip surfaces of America’s new moral compass, Jimmy Kimmel, filmed on the street asking women to guess ‘what is in his pants,’ telling them: “You should put your mouth on it.”

His whole life, Jimmy Kimmel’s parents harassed him to stop acting like a flamingo. He had enough, and finally put his foot down.


Jimmy Kimmel once poured root beer in a square glass. To this day, he can’t understand why he now just has a beer.


Jimmy Kimmel asked his wife why she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.


A child asked Jimmy Kimmel: What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Kimmel answered: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.


Kimmel and his wife were overheard having an arguing. His wife insisted, “Nothing rhymes with orange!” Kimmel was heard saying, “No it doesn’t!”



Arguing his expertise on religion, Kimmel said to a Priest: “So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world!”


Kimmel and his wife blindfolded themselves and walked into a bar. And a table. And a chair.


Asked why he always carries around a step-ladder, Kimmel answered, “I never knew my real ladder.”


The director of the Jimmy Kimmel show shouted to Jimmy Kimmel: “I need you to get to the other side of the stage!” Puzzled, Kimmel relied, “I am on the other side!”


Before you criticize Jimmy Kimmel, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’re a mile away and have his shoes.



What did God say after creating Kimmel? “I can do so much better.”


What does it mean if Kimmel is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.


What do you call a man with half a brain? Jimmy Kimmel.


Why does Kimmel whistle when he’s sitting on the toilet? Because it helps him remember which end he needs to wipe.


What has 12 arms and an IQ of 60? Jimmy Kimmel and his staff of ten.


What’s the difference between Big Foot and Kimmel’s brain? Big Foot’s been spotted a several times.


Why does Jimmy Kimmel whine? Because he’s practicing to be a man.




Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel responds to Michelle Obama’s racist remarks: