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MSNBC Host Martin Bashir Condemns Mitt Romney to Hell; Cites Book of Mormon

Published on April 22, 2012,

The rant:

“Which brings us to the moral codes of Mormonism that Mr. Romney claims to live by,” Bashir said. “In Section 63, in verse 17 of the Doctrine and Covenants of the Mormon Church we find this: ‘All liars, and whosoever loveth and and maketh a lie, and the whoremonger, and the sorcerer, shall have their part in that lake which burneth with fire and brimstone which is the second death.’ And from the Book of Mormon to Nephi, Chapter 2, Verse 34 we find this: ‘Woe unto the liar, for he shall be thrust down to hell.’” And based on Bashir’s interpretation, he said Romney can either win the White House and be condemned to “eternal damnation,” or just tell the truth.

– Bashir to begin shock therapy and associated medication; MSNBC extends contract;


– Claims having sex with Mike Tyson in prison during prison visit — cites ‘Book of Love;’


– Psychiatrists give Bashir same odds for recovery that Mitt Romney has in going to hell;


– Tyson gives him 1,000,000 to 1, with advice to ‘run like a motherf— ‘


– God weighs in: “These people are nuts. I simply stopped watching MSNBC, and get my news elsewhere.  And speaking of hell…”



Former Canadian Prime Minister: Presidents Must Choose Accomplishment or Popularity

Published on April 22, 2012,


Or, neither:

Obama’s Approval Rating Remains at Term-Low 41%




PRELUDE TO CIVIL WAR – The Sun Has Finally Set: Islamic Law Now Binding In Britain

Published on April 22, 2012,

 -Britain Adopts Islamic Law; Islamic Courts Now Have Full Power

– UNPRECEDENTED: 3% of Population Now Has Separate Civil Law

(Only 2% of a population, if completely dedicated, is generally thought the minimum number required to wage a successful revolution)




Hugo Chavez Missing – End Feared Near

Published on April 22, 2012,

– Multiple Botched Cancer Treatments Puts His Endorsement of Cuban Health Care System On Hold

– Confides to family: “I don’t know which is worse  — that I didn’t go to a Jewish doctor in New York in the first place, or that my last living photograph is me wearing this hat.”





Published on April 22, 2012,


 The Professor Weighs In:

“That’s titantically stupid. Why don’t they just mine for energy right under their feet? There’s a whole planet, with an infinite source of heat in its core. Even our nearby moon has infinite energy resources in the form of a substance called O3 that covers the surface to great depths and is regularly replenished by radiation from the sun. Between these three narcissistic men, they have too much money and made too many movies”


“And has anybody seen a purple sticky-note I misplaced? I’ve been looking all over for it.”



NBC Announces: Saturday Night Live Will Not Be Funny Until Romney Is Elected President

Published on April 21, 2012,

“With Barack Obama in the White house, there is simply no one in the administration to make fun of. It’s been a very frustrating few years. On the other hand, if Romney is elected, there will be limitless material. Romney is funny, you see. The Obamas? I mean, there is just nothing that lends itself to parody.”

– Anonymous NBC producer





Jeb Bush: “Don’t pick me for VP!”

Published on April 21, 2012,


 America to Jeb: “Don’t worry.


Global-Warming Advocate Writes in Forbes (Forbes?): “Burn Down Homes of Deniers”

Published on April 21, 2012,


An excerpt:

“Let’s start keeping track of them now, and when the famines come, let’s make them pay. Let’s let their houses burn.”

A sentimentalist, yearning for the days of yore.





“If I wasn’t so busy dealing with this dog-eating thing, I’d have urged this myself. When you do burn down their homes — which you will: you will burn down their homes — keep an eye out for a surprisingly tasty roasted dog, which, believe it or not, is best served with a white wine.”

-Barack Obama


“This president would never say that. Never. Because dog is a meat, and even George Bush knows meat is best served with red wine. And you may not always know when a dog is present in a global warming denier’s house when you’re about to burn it down, so you have to burn it down to see if there’s a dog in it.”

-Nancy Pelosi


“You got any hair of that dog?”

   -Secretary Re-set Button




“I ache for the days when we had people in office that lent themselves to parody. There just hasn’t been a stitch of material since 2008.”

Anonymous Producer, Saturday Night Live


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