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Hugo Chavez Missing – End Feared Near

Published on April 22, 2012,

– Multiple Botched Cancer Treatments Puts His Endorsement of Cuban Health Care System On Hold

– Confides to family: “I don’t know which is worse  — that I didn’t go to a Jewish doctor in New York in the first place, or that my last living photograph is me wearing this hat.”

 

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hOIbwdSwL0fUpRlXCP6sankkFGaA?docId=447bf94bd34740678382213a84b4db4c

 
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GOOGLE and TITANIC PRODUCER LOOK to MINE ASTEROIDS for ENERGY

Published on April 22, 2012,

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303513404577356190967904210.html?mod=WSJ_hp_MIDDLENexttoWhatsNewsThird

 The Professor Weighs In:

“That’s titantically stupid. Why don’t they just mine for energy right under their feet? There’s a whole planet, with an infinite source of heat in its core. Even our nearby moon has infinite energy resources in the form of a substance called O3 that covers the surface to great depths and is regularly replenished by radiation from the sun. Between these three narcissistic men, they have too much money and made too many movies”

 

“And has anybody seen a purple sticky-note I misplaced? I’ve been looking all over for it.”

 

 
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NBC Announces: Saturday Night Live Will Not Be Funny Until Romney Is Elected President

Published on April 21, 2012,

“With Barack Obama in the White house, there is simply no one in the administration to make fun of. It’s been a very frustrating few years. On the other hand, if Romney is elected, there will be limitless material. Romney is funny, you see. The Obamas? I mean, there is just nothing that lends itself to parody.”

– Anonymous NBC producer

 

 RIP:

 

 
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Jeb Bush: “Don’t pick me for VP!”

Published on April 21, 2012,

http://news.yahoo.com/jeb-bush-says-pick-rubio-not-vp-202639280–abc-news-politics.html

 America to Jeb: “Don’t worry.

 
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Global-Warming Advocate Writes in Forbes (Forbes?): “Burn Down Homes of Deniers”

Published on April 21, 2012,

http://www.infowars.com/climate-alarmist-calls-for-burning-down-skeptics-homes/

An excerpt:

“Let’s start keeping track of them now, and when the famines come, let’s make them pay. Let’s let their houses burn.”

A sentimentalist, yearning for the days of yore.

 

Yore:

http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/ww2-pix/bookburn.jpghttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bjqmGmHDb1w/SGfW4LL4RUI/AAAAAAAAApE/OPARH5Qvn-0/s320/Ku+Klux+Klan+cross+burning.jpg

 

“If I wasn’t so busy dealing with this dog-eating thing, I’d have urged this myself. When you do burn down their homes — which you will: you will burn down their homes — keep an eye out for a surprisingly tasty roasted dog, which, believe it or not, is best served with a white wine.”

-Barack Obama

 

“This president would never say that. Never. Because dog is a meat, and even George Bush knows meat is best served with red wine. And you may not always know when a dog is present in a global warming denier’s house when you’re about to burn it down, so you have to burn it down to see if there’s a dog in it.”

-Nancy Pelosi

 

“You got any hair of that dog?”

   -Secretary Re-set Button

 

 

 

“I ache for the days when we had people in office that lent themselves to parody. There just hasn’t been a stitch of material since 2008.”

Anonymous Producer, Saturday Night Live

 

 
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