These are actual entries in the secret diary of ‘Barack Hussein Obama:’
“Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home okay…”
“Michelle’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part…”
“Got stoned and I accidentally swallowed Scrabble tiles again. My next crap could really spell disaster…”
“Reggie Love sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off…”
“Michelle is still suffering from depression, about the whole ‘feeling like she’s in prison’ thing. It got me down as well. We both agreed to commit suicide and take the country with us. But strangely enough, once she was about to kill herself, I started to feel a lot better….”
“I woke up this morning at 11AM, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found Michelle face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30…”
“Bought Michelle a hamster skin coat last week. Took her for a ride last night, and it took the Secret Service 3 hours to squeeze her back out of the car…”
The other night, Michelle finally asked me how many men I’d slept with. I told her, ‘None — every one of them kept me awake all night…'”
“In confession, I told Jeremiah Wright I thought about other women during the two times I had sex with Michelle. Wright said, ‘That’s a weird, considing Rahm Emmanuel, David Poulffe and Jim Messina are always hanging around.'”
h/t Peter
