Finally! A way to get whacked and still be able to say to the cops, “Hey man, I’m clean.”   A troubling trend in teens drinking hand sanitizer Medical experts warn parents to watch for danger signs of young people getting drunk on the over-the-counter cleansers, which have a high percentage of ethyl alcohol.   … Read more

News from Australia

Amid scandal, Speaker Peter Slipper’s chances of returning as Speaker of the House of Representatives are minimal as the critical votes he needs to avoid a no-confidence declaration continue to fall away.   Must I say it?  Because if no one else does, I’m going to have to:   Giving the slip, Peter Slipper … Read more

North Korea Issues Unusually Specific Threat

“We will reduce South Korea to ashes in less than four minutes! Three, if there’s no traffic and everyone gets to the base on time.”   North Korean Troops, Posing For Marching Photo: The government photographer barks orders:   “Now everyone: hold your legs up until I tell you to put them down and … Read more

Has Google/Youtube sabotaged international closed captioning on viral “If I Wanted America to Fail” video?

Claim:   “YouTube has purposely screwed up the “Closed Caption” text on this video. That way all those who don’t speak English around the world, won’t understand this video at all! It’s insidious what YouTube (owned by Google) is doing to America!”   The video,  “If I wanted America to fail”   surearrow 15 minutes … Read more

More Illegal Immigrants Now Leaving U.S. Than Entering

In a potentially historic shift, more illegal immigrants and  now leaving the U.S. than entering. Factors contributing to the trend include the greatest decline in jobs on the U.S. side of the border since the Great Recession of the 1930s.    An illegal immigrant, spotted at the border fence, waves goodbye to America:  “This place … Read more

Hello to Our International Community of Friends

Looking at our stats, we see the many people visiting us from outside the United States, including a hooker from Columbia who says one of us here owes her $30.00 (don’t worry baby, the check is in the mail).   So hello to all of you — and welcome!

Alternate-Reality-Speak: the Use of the “Big Lie”

  Debbie Whatshername Schultz: ‘Very likely’ GOP to lose House; blames Tea Party   The Professor Speaks: “Whatshername Schultz is using a technique known as ‘the big lie,’ a propaganda technique created by Adolph Hitler, when he wrote his book Mein Kampf. Hitler mused about the use of a lie so “colossal” that no … Read more

April 24th: This Day In Shopping History

Illinois Man Became First Costco Shopper in History to Leave One of Its Stores Without Spending Over $100.00: On April 24th, 2009, Peter J. Franklin exited a Costco store, spending only $98.43, the first customer in the store’s history to break the $100.00 barrier.   Asked how he did it, Franklin said, “I was just … Read more


He hasn’t gotten it right yet. Though he is getting close: – Paul Newman, giving the ‘con man salute’ in the 1973 film, The Sting”         Anonymous Saturday Night Live producer: “I keep telling you this, but there is simply nothing about this man to laugh at. I submit he is the … Read more

CREEPING CRETINISM: Obama’s NASA Administrator: “foremost” mission is to improve relations with the Muslim world

Space: the final frontier. These are the NASA voyages of the starship Obama. Its four-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldenly go where no man has gone before — and improve relations with Muslims.   United States National Aeronautics and Space Administrator Charles ‘Boldenly’ Bolden … Read more


Not all is bad at the TSA. Despite discovering 743 transvestites, 19,249 enlarged prostates, 209,351 breast implants (how can that be an odd number?), 27,298 colon problems, 3 natural blonds — yet no terrorists — it is assuring to know at least some traveling celebs are finding good things to say about their experience at … Read more

Obama Tweets

Just realized the United Kingdom and Great Britain may be the same place.  This could save significant travel time.


Our email is: [email protected]   Attention Spike Lee: Our  address remains 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington DC.   Att: US Secret Service: If there is any Ted Nugent-like issues regarding this post, please be advised we met with the following agent, below — very closely, in fact (that’s me wearing the silver suit), and we … Read more

New York Times Softball League

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” – Benjamin Franklin   With the proverbial horse out of the barn:    “A Hard Look at the President” By ARTHUR S. BRISBANE “The warm afterglow of Mr. Obama’s election, the collateral effects of liberal-minded feature writers — these can be overcome … Read more

Axelrod claims Obama “apoplectic” about GSA spending. But here’s how their conversation really went…

The scene: Obama advisor David Axelrod spoke with Obama at 2PM, the end of Obama’s work day. This conversation would have taken place earlier in the day, but Axelrod arrived at 10:30AM, a half hour before Obama normally comes down from the White House living quarters.   Axelrod: Barack, I’m going on TV tomorrow and … Read more

Alternative-reality-speak: Axelrod Warns GOP Will Bankrupt U.S., Not Obama

After Barack Obama puts the nation 5 trillion  dollars in debt in his first term, Obama advisor David Axelrod re-defines reality for the ignorant, the corrupt and the indoctrinated. The “Buffet Rule,” claims Axelrod: 1- will relieve the $5,000,000.000,000.00 budget debt created by Obama by a possible .0094%; 2- despite encouraging class warfare and targeting … Read more

Hard Time: Mike Tyson impregnated guard while in prison

–  Baby did not surivive childbirth; – Was to be named “481649 Tyson, Jr.;“ – Now, Tyson says he is reformed and lives a sober, vegan lifestyle, precluding all sex with prison guards or frozen vegetables.