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Home Uncategorized Axelrod claims Obama “apoplectic” about GSA spending. But here’s how their conversation really went…
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Axelrod claims Obama “apoplectic” about GSA spending. But here’s how their conversation really went…

Published on April 22, 2012, by in Uncategorized.

The scene: Obama advisor David Axelrod spoke with Obama at 2PM, the end of Obama’s work day. This conversation would have taken place earlier in the day, but Axelrod arrived at 10:30AM, a half hour before Obama normally comes down from the White House living quarters.

 

Axelrod: Barack, I’m going on TV tomorrow and claim you’re apoplectic about the GSA scandal. I’ll just say the usual, you know, we’re saving money by spending money, blah, blah, blah.

Obama: Okay.

Axelrod: Do you have any questions?

Obama: No.

Axelrod: You sure?

Obama: Yeah.

Axelrod: Positive?

Obama: Yeah.

Axelrod: C’mon – think.

(Obama thinks. Then…)

Obama: What’s ‘apolo…’ mean?

Axelrod: Apoplectic. It means you’re very upset. Like, crazy upset.

Obama: I’m not upset at all.

Axelrod: I’m going to claim you are. Highly upset.

Obama: About what?

Axelrod: About the whole GSA scandal.

Obama: What scandal? Another scandal?

Axelrod: You know, the thing about them going to Vegas.

Obama: But I told Americans not to go to Vegas.

Axelrod: This is different. They went to Vegas for government work, but got a little too frisky. ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?’ Not this time.

Obama: What do you mean, ‘what happens in Vegas?’

Axelrod: It’s an expression – a marketing idea.

Obama: I don’t understand.

Axelrod: — So people come to Vegas and get crazy and spend money on debauchery.

(Long pause.)

Axelrod: I see a question building.

Obama: What’s debauchery?

Axelrod: It means to get crazy with sex.

Obama: Why, what’d they do?

Axelrod: They partied and got laid, but on the government dime. Worse, they got caught.

Obama: Who knows about this?

Axelrod: Everybody. It’s a big scandal. Issa’s even talking about it. That’s why I gotta go on TV.

Obama: Damn. Does this mean I can’t play golf today?

Axelrod: I’d lay off for the week. Wait till the GSA thing blows over a bit.

Obama: What’s the GSA?

Axelrod: It’s the focus of the scandal – the General Services Administration!

Obama: Oh them. Yeah, I can see where I’d be apop… apop….

Axelrod: Apoplectic.

(Long pause…)

Axelrod: Question?

Obama: …What’s the General Services Administration do?

Axelrod: It’s an agency that buys everything for the government. And also manages a few things here and there.

Obama: So just to be sure, in case anybody asks me: I’m apopo…

Axelrod: — Apoplectic.

Obama: — I’m apopoplectric because…

Axelrod: — Because they partied in Vegas on government money.

(Obama thinks.)

Obama: Who?

Axelrod: The GSA!

Obama: So I’m mad the GSA partied in Vegas.

Axelrod: Apoplectic.

Obama: Why do you keep using that word!

Axelrod: It makes you sound more intelligent and more thoughtful about things.

Obama: Just make sure it’s written big on the teleprompter. I don’t want to go through another ‘corpseman’ thing.

Axelrod: What the hell’s a ‘corpseman?’

Obama: I don’t know! I thought it meant a guy in the military.

Axelrod: No, that’s a ‘corpsman.’

Obama: So there’ no ‘p’?

Axelrod: No, there’s a ‘p.’ But it’s silent.

Obama: Do me a favor: on the teleprompter, don’t use letters that are silent, okay? Just leave them out.

Axelrod: There are no silent letters in apoplectic, you don’t have to worry.

Obama: Are there any silent letters in ‘golf?’

Axelrod: No. Why?

Obama: (shrugs) Never know when it might come up.

(Axelrod heads for the door)

Axelrod: Okay. Tomorrow first thing, I’ll tell what’s going on with the Secret Service.

Obama: Not before eleven.

Axelrod: I wouldn’t think of it.

(Long pause. Axelrod stops, looks back at Obama)

Axelrod: Question?

Obama: Is something going on with the Secret Service?

Axelrod: (As he walks out the door) Tomorrow, 11AM… What I wouldn’t give right now to be the head writer on Saturday Night Live.

Obama: …What?

Axelrod: Nothing!

 

 
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