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Published on May 10, 2012,

In our new feature, ‘Ask A Muslim!,‘ we asked American Muslim, Amir Abdel Ammar a question weighing heavily on the minds of many Americans:


TFR: “Which processor would you recommend on the new 21 inch iMac?”


AMMAR: “Depends on what you’re doing with it. If you’re an average user, the 2.5Ghz processor is fine. If you’re going to do video editing or gaming, go with the 2.7 for the extra two hundred bucks. But I have the 2.5, and I’m pretty happy with it.”


TFR: “Thanks.”


AMMAR:  “You’re welcome.”



Wait — we have another Muslim looking to weigh-in:



Barack Hussein Obama: “What’s a processor?”






Obama “Finishes His Evolution”

Published on May 10, 2012,

The ‘American Evolution’ of 2012: “Give me a nostril, or give me death!”


The very latest “news” media propaganda for Barack Obama: 

MSNBC, forwarding the Associated Press:



“Obama has officially finished evolving. He now has a new position.  Until very recently, much of the betting was on Obama taking a pass on the touchy issue until after the election. On Wednesday, he picked it.



Old position picked:



New position picked:



Other old position picked:



New position picked:

Doh!! — Wrong hand and wrong part of the body!
(Nor is a look of hate on your face recomended when saluting the flag. But then, the Obamas have never willingly saluted the American flag, so it’s understandable they do it uncomfortably and do it wrong. Here, each puts their left hand instead of the appropriate right hand over their right lung instead of their heart. And their look of disgust?  It’s okay — we don’t like them, either.)






Hillary Clinton, the ‘refereshing new farce disgrace face in politics,’ gives the battle cry for the ‘American Evolution:’ “No King, but, King Jesus!*.”


” Jesus, is this a king-size…”



*“No King, but, King Jesus” was Benjamin Franklin’s favorite battle cry of the Revolutionary War.


Chicago Democrat Politicial Figure Arrested for Beating Her Daughter

Published on May 10, 2012,

-The suspect, Democrat Natalie Manley



The victim said she had come home and told her mother, Chicago Democrat political figure Natalie Manley, she had lost her phone. Manley then began to hit her daugher in the face with closed fists, kicked her about the body and struck her with a set of keys.


Said the suspect “I’m a Democrat. I even beat my children liberally. She’s lucky I didn’t whack her.”

Britain’s ‘Obamacare’ Service: Don’t Say ‘Obese’

Published on May 10, 2012,




The British government wants health care workers to stop using the word ‘obese’ because it might offend fat people, according to new recommendations of the National Health Service, Britain’s equivalent of the newly enacted ‘Obamacare’ system in the United States.


Guidance sent to health officials warned that “the term ‘obesity’ may be unhelpful – while some people like to ‘hear it like it is,’ others may consider it derogatory.”  Instead, individuals who are morbidly obese should be “Merely Urged To Try,” the Daily Mail reported.



Obese people in Britain will now be referred to as “MUTTs.”


– British “MUTT.”





“I’ve got enough of a complex about my weight as it ’tis.  I don’t appreciate this at ‘tall!”

– British mutt.



Putin Cancels Meeting With Barack Obama

Published on May 10, 2012,



– Putin, at parade commemorating victory over America Germany.


Russian President Vladimir Putin is skipping a planned visit to the United States this month and a much-anticipated meeting with President Barack Obama, the White House announced Wednesday.


“Besides,” said Putin, “there are two things I never do: one, travel to meet someone about to be booted out of office. And two, put myself in a position to shake hands with a nose-picker.”




-Actor Georege Clooney


Putin continued: “And you’ll notice I never met with Hillary Clinton either.  (So I hear your ‘news’ operatives hit her ‘reset button,’ and now she’s the ‘refreshing new image in politics.’ That was very funny, by the way. Even Defense Minister Serdyukov laughed!)”


The ‘refereshing new farce disgrace face in politics.



-Actor Georege Clooney


ABC “News:” Al Qaeda’s latest designs involve bombs surgically implanted in terrorists

Published on May 9, 2012,



So if you thought the TSA’s Freddie The Fist was bad —


The Fist, checking a suspicous package.



— wait till you get groped at the airport by these guys:


– If you reserved a window seat, you’re going to get one — literally.




Canada’s New Twenty Dollar Bill Under Fire For being “pornographic”

Published on May 9, 2012,






Please feel free to dispose of any of it you might have in the receptacle provided at the top right-side of this screen.



OVERHEARD: Barack Obama on the phone with British Prime Minister David Cameron

Published on May 9, 2012,


Obama: “This is driving me crazy. Just so I’m clear: you’re saying ‘Great Britain’ and the ‘United Kingdom’ are the same place?”

Cameron: “Seriously — who the devil is this?”







“Don’t worry. I get out in a few months, and I’m comin’ to save ya.”

– Incarcerated criminal Keith Judd, who nearly defeated Barack Obama yesterday in a state primary election.




How unpopular is Barack ‘Who’s Sane?’ Obama? THIS unpopular:

Published on May 9, 2012,

Meet the real ‘refreshing new image in American politics’


“I thought that was me. …hic… Damn, lost again.” 




A CONVICT gets 40% of vote in West Virginia primary vote; Madman: 60%



 -Seriously, what’s not to love about this guy? He hasn’t even been convicted of anything. Yet.




The ‘refreshing new image in politics’: a guy in prison for 17 years is almost as popular as the current president of the United States.

“I may be a crook, but I never ate my dog.”  Inmate Keith Judd, 53, currently incarcerated for committing extortion.




Remember, he who laughs last, laughs best…

-Golden Retriever, with excellent teeth.



“Yes, but the president will still get the criminal vote in the general election, because criminals have long been part of the Obama base. And they can’t say this president hasn’t delivered for them.”

-White House Press Secretary, ‘Baghdad Jay’ Carney

(Image courtesy of Peoplescube.com)


Mugshots of the loyal base:




Hillary ‘Rodham’ Clinton, the ‘refereshing new image in politics’ – a pictorial history of her early life

Published on May 8, 2012,


Now that Hillary Rodham Clinton is the Washington Post’s ‘refreshing new image in politics’ (see previous post, below), we take a look back at her early days, before she somehow became the ‘Smartest Woman in America’ (as she has long  touted herself to be, with an intellect rivaled only by our 4th Greatest President, the dog-eating Barack Hussein Obama):




-Hillary Rodham, circa high school.




-Hillary Rodham, circa college.




-Hillary Rodham, circa law school.




-Husband Bill Clinton, circa college.




-The Rodham family, typical Sunday.






U.S. Secretary of Inebriation Hillary Rodham Clinton, boozing it up at a controversial party, while abroad in Columbia.



To be continued…

RINO Richard Lugar Gets the Hook

Published on May 8, 2012,

RINO Senator Richard Luger got the hook today from voters. Lugar, a quintessential ‘Republican in name only,’ has voted consistently against his party for decades.


Hey Lugar: don’t let the door hit you in the ass.




“You know, considering what that crazy Elizabeth Warren said about someone’s high cheek bones and being an Indian, I think with my slanty eyes, I could be part Chinaman.  I had a pretty good run in America — maybe I should go to Asia and try my hand  betraying supporters over there. You know, come to think of it, I could become the world’s first ChINO.”

-Rino Richard Lugar. (Footprint in rear-end not shown.)



Latest media spin: “Hillary Clinton, barefaced and bespectacled, is a refreshing image in politics”

Published on May 8, 2012,


Maybe there are enough people ignorant enough to buy this:


The Washington Post gushes:


“But we aren’t accustomed to seeing female politicians and politicos without camera-ready makeup and, God forbid, showing wrinkles. In fact, how many pictures in glossy magazines have probably been airbrushed to make Hillary picture-perfect?


“While I’m a makeup addict, it’s refreshing to see Hillary fresh-faced. She looked like a schoolgirl in the picture – the Hillary from her granola college days at Wellesley. It was the look that won her few fans back in Arkansas in her days as the state’s first lady. After all, Southern women love their makeup, and Hillary wore little.


“As Hillary prepares to exit the high-wire of politics, are we finally seeing the real woman? It seems so.”



What, they never saw these ‘refreshing’ images?


-Yes, Hillary Clinton, the “refreshing new image in politics.”




Cher Doesn’t Want to Breath Same Air as Romney

Published on May 8, 2012,

Cher (real name, Rhoda Horowitz):


‘Doesn’t want to breathe the same air as Romney and his ‘racist homophobic women hating tea-bagger masters’



Rhoda, you won’t find anyone here forcing you to breathe.


-The face — and hair — of crazy.  If only wigs were brains…


Though we do have some other air we’d like you to breathe:


Dinosaur Farts May Have Warmed Ancient Earth





Fellow crazy hair person. Only this one had talent:

-Famed ‘Wall of Sound’ music producer, Phil Spector, shown wearing a Cher wig during his trial for murder. (He was convicted, and now resides in a California prison, where he is working on his new sound, the ‘Sound of Walls.’)




NOT FUNNY: Now a witness to Breitbart’s death vanishes

Published on May 8, 2012,

Interesting. Andrew Brietbart oddly gets invited to a dinner at Obama-intimate William Ayers’ home, then drops dead.


Then, on the day the L.A. Coroner releases the results of Brietbart’s autopsy, a photographic technician at the Coronor’s office suddenly dies  of suspicious causes.


Now, the only witness to see him die, Christopher Lassete, is missing.



Right before Breitbart died, he promised to release a video showing terrorist Ayers and Barack Obama at Harvard planning revolution in the United States. (What’s even more amazing is Obama actually showed up for work.) But soon after Breitbart died,  a less imflamatory video of Barack Obama introducing a mentor of his  (an America-hating radical Harvard professor — is there any other kind of Harvard professor?) was “released” instead.


The stakes are high, folks. And right now, a madman has the advantage.


– What happened to the smile?


NO JOKE: Obama Signs Executive Order Threatening U.S. Sovereignty

Published on May 8, 2012,

This guy is bat-sh-t crazy:



Obama order moves U.S. toward world governance



He can do it, too. It’s called a treaty by Executive Order, and it is within the power of the president, and its as binding on America as a treaty ratified by the Senate. It is not an exaggeration anymore: this guy really is nuts.


This current executive order follows these:


Obama authorizes himself to declare martial law in the event of war with Iran



Obama makes copyright treaty a national secret



Obama’s Treaty by Executive Order



Law Of Sea Treaty (LOST) ratified by Obama’s Executive Order 13547












42% of Americans Obese by 2030? Fat chance. Mere propaganda, with which to control your life:

Published on May 8, 2012,

It’s important to know that most obesity studies show that obesity rates are actually fattening flattening out. But that’s not what control-freaks on the left want you to hear:


“ABC ‘News:’

“42% of Americans Obese by 2030”




 What the headline should have read was:


“The Obama Legacy: Only 2,030 Americans Could Afford to Be Fat by 2042.”



Even Michelle Obama lost weight:


-Glamour and fashion icon Michelle Obama in her first year of eating free at the White House, shown putting the crush on Obamacare Reichfuhrer Katherine Sebelius. (Notice Sebelius’ severely curved right thumb.)



The Professor Weighs In:


‘The Skinny On the Fat Crisis: There Isn’t One.’

 By Professor Allison D. Papalopolopolis.


Hey there! 


“‘Weighs in.’ Hey, that’s funny. You know, this whole obesity thing is a bunch of blubber. A bunch of beefy, blimpy, bulging, bulky, burly, butterball, corpulent, distended, dumpy, elephantine, gargantuan, gross, heavyset, husky, inflated, jelly-belly, oversize, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, swollen, weighty, whalelike bunch of baloney! (I dare you to say that five times fast.) I’ve been around academia long enough to know these guys can skew a study any way they want. I mean look at what they did with global warming, and the fraud that’s turned out to be. And some of my peers were crazy enough to claim it was caused by racism! (How did they ever come up with that??) But what really fascinates me is the curve on Katherine Sebelius’ thumb (not that anything else about her interests me, though we really need to keep an eye on her — she’s crazy.). Do you know that a curved thumb is a recessive inherited trait? Interestingly, an inherited trait is outwardly obvious only when two copies of the gene for that trait are present—as opposed to a dominant trait where one copy of the gene for the dominant trait is sufficient to display the trait. As we in the field say, the condition is masked by the presence of the dominant gene when both are present; that is, the recessive condition is seen only in the absence of the dominant gene.  Just as interestedly, so is a condition called cutis laxa, which is a connective tissue disorder where the skin lacks elasticity and hangs in loose folds. (Attention all you guys: you can’t come up with a better pick-up line than that. And in case you don’t know, ‘No Cutis Laxa Here, Baby’ is my handle on Match.com.) Until next time!”




I know what you’re thinking: ‘She had to have found that purple sticky-note.’ Well, sorry to say I haven’t.  And if Obama is re-elected, I won’t be able to move to Canada without it. So if you see it, please let me know!”


Professor Papalopolopolis’ C.V.:





Cutis laxa:


It’s up! The shameless pandering for donations widget:

Published on May 7, 2012,
The money has been rolling in.  Donors so far:


George Soros: “Here. Now shut up.”


Barack Obama: “My finger might be up my nose, you you’ve got to admit it’s an otherwise very statuesque pose.”


John Boehner: “I’ll pay anything. Please, just go away.”


Leonardo DiCaprio: “Dude, thanks for the tough love. I’ve been sending her flowers every day.”


Larry Page: “Slowly, I will buy you and destroy you.”


Brad Pitt: “I can’t wait till you guys visit the White House. Then watch how I make fun of you.”


Eric Holder: “We’re tracing this money.”


Al Sharpton: “Dat picture of me dancing with dat hooker: so how much you want for it?”


The Professor: “Hey there! An astonishingly fresh and frank forum.  Hey, I just used an onomatopoeia*!”


Jack, Have Gun Did Travel: “These people know dick. Seriously — they do.”


Jay Carney: “Like Holder said, we’re tracing this money. I wouldn’t lie about it.”


Giant Shrimp: “Giving you money was no big thing at all.”


Elizabeth Warren: “Here’s $500. Now I want it back. Yes, I am part Indian-giver too.”


Hugo Chavez: I promise to remember you guys in my will:  “Hello, Fine Report.”



*Onomatopoeia is the use of imitative and naturally suggestive words for rhetorical, dramatic, or poetic effect.


Hillary Clinton Wants To See A Female U.S. President In Her Lifetime

Published on May 7, 2012,

(Except Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Niki Haley, Susana Martinez, Mary Fallin, Jennette Bradle, Jan Brewer, etc., etc,. etc….)


– Insists it won’t be her:



Finally, , Hillary Clinton — arguably the worst Secretary of State in U.S. history — says something we can agree on.


Leave it to the British press tell it what the American press is too corrupt to report ( — and they’re being kind):  ‘Is Hillary Clinton becoming an embarrassment as Secretary of State?’




-After first vodka.



-After second vodka.



-After third vodka.



-Hangover. Lost count. “Coulda been a contenda…”




“I have a feeling she was thinking of about me running. I always get these feelings, you know. Then to calm down, I drink mucus of  snail.  Call me crazy, but at least I’m sober most of the time.”

-Former U.S. House Speaker Crazy Nancy Pelosi, run out of office in 2010.


The Fine Report Signing off for the night

Published on May 7, 2012,


“Now I have to wait till morning for more ?  Seriously, how am I supposed to sleep?  ...Hey, is that my car being towed?!”






Every Picture Tells A Story

Published on May 7, 2012,

Of course, some stories you want to know more than others.


-Fashion icon Rod Stewart, telling a story about something to his right.


Good News from Our Friends in London: Mayor Re-elected

Published on May 7, 2012,

London re-elects conservative Mayor Johnson; rejects anti-Semitic leftist candidate

(Have you finally noticed that ‘anti-Semitic’ and ‘leftist’ go hand-in-hand?)





Shades of 1932

Published on May 7, 2012,

Harbinger of civil war in France:


More Than One Quarter of Jews in France Want To Leave; First time since Nazis took power in Germany


Some 82 percent of respondents say anti-Semitism is a serious problem in France and 78 percent say it has deepened in the past few years.


Moreover, 38 percent of respondents say they personally have been the targets of anti-Semitic incidents, and 58 percent say they know friends or relatives who have been singled out.


Only 30 percent say they don’t know anyone who has experienced some form of anti-Semitism.


“Most of those who are thinking of leaving — 64 percent — have been victims of anti-Semitism, whether physical attacks, verbal assaults or some other form of anti-Jewish behavior.



Frightening stuff from The Gloved One?

– Did Google’s anti-Semitic search results aide a leftist in getting elected to office in France?



– Google CEO Larry Page?
– Is Obama-pal Page an anti-Semite?


See our previous post, ‘Frightening Stuff From The Gloved One’




Truth really is funnier than fiction – and much scarier

Published on May 7, 2012,

‘Bark’ Obama’s defense secretary, Leon Panetta, said this:


Climate Change Has ‘Dramatic Impact on National Security’

“Rising sea levels, severe droughts, the melting of the polar caps, the more frequent and devastating natural disasters all raise demand for humanitarian assistance and disaster relief.”



“What the f-ck is this guy talking about?  I mean, seriously: what f-cking planet does this guy think he’s living on? Earth? Is he sure? …Wait — this dipsh-t is in charge of what?!”

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky


The March of the Sell-Outs at “Saturday Night Live”

Published on May 7, 2012,

We know that the American television company NBC, owned by General Electric — itself run by Obama-hack Jeffery Immelt — is in the bag for the nose-picker-in-chief, willing to fake news reporting and pervert entertainment programming for political ends. But the performers and writers on NBC’s Saturday Night Live have let themselves become hacks, and quite honestly, frauds, and part of an historical scam, willing to sell-out not just their profession, but their country.


If they had any integrity, they’d quit. But they have sold out, and they remain passive, to be used like puppets.


‘Artists,’ they are not. Sell-outs, they are.


Their second greatest sin: they aren’t funny.



NBC’s Kills ‘SNL’ Skit Mocking Barack Obama for His Continual Bragging About Bin Laden Raid



Mr. Sell-out himself,  the pathetic and unfunny Obama-imitator, Fred Armisen:

Laments Armisen: “I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a sell-out bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.”


Published on May 6, 2012,


In case you haven’t been following the story, the Australian Speaker of the House, Peter Slipper (see posts below for fun things we did with his name) is under fire for personal spending on taxi cabs, and for purported acts of sexual harrassment. 
(Compared to what’s going on in the current American government, this guy should be made Prime Minister.)


In the most recent development, Deputy Opposition Leader Julie Bishop has made the following sexual harrassment charge against The Slipper:


“Then he snuck up behind me and he grabbed my ass, like this!  Then he banged his crotch into my butt, like this!  Then he said, ‘It’s good to be the Speaker,’ like this!”


-Deputy Opposition Leader Julie Bishop, like this.





For more Peter Slipper fun:








Don’t give us your ‘Holier than thou’ attitude, okay? You thought it was funny when Mel Brooks did it:


“It’s good to be the King!”

– Mel Brooks, as Louis XVI of France, in his 1981 film ‘History of the World,’ after just having just banged his crotch into a surprised hand-maiden’s butt.


“Time wounds all heels*”

Published on May 6, 2012,

Go Brazil!!


Brazillian Actress Kicks George Soros’ Ass:


– Adriana Ferreyr sues radical leftist and former Nazi collaborator George Soros for $50 million for welching on sex-for-apartment deal



-Ferreyr, on left. Heel, on right.




“That’s it baby! — Don’t take any sh-t from that cheap America-hating, Nazi bastard!!”

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky


*For those among you who do not know the original phrase that our headline is a play on, it is, “Time heals all wounds.” Eesh.


The Way-Back Machine – America, the year 2000: “Step away from the closet!”

Published on May 6, 2012,

“All right, kid — drop the adult, or I’ll blow your f-ing brains out!”


American freedom, Clinton-style: Federal SWAT agent under orders of then Democrat U.S. president Bill Clinton’s attorney general, Janet Reno (meaning, under orders from Clinton), to drag Elián González — an escapee, along with his mother, from communist Cuba —  out from his American relative’s arms for deportation back to Fidel Castro.




“I remember that kid killing my buzz, just like that blind Chinaman is doing now….hic!”

– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation Hillary Clinton, once laughably known as ‘America’s smartest woman,’ who in 2000 was married to then-president Bill Clinton, and was probably then as big a lush as she is now. She is currently known as ‘American’s drunkest woman.’




Published on May 6, 2012,



The first time around, without a shot fired, France surrenders in 1940 to the Farting* Fuhrer of Nazi Germany and Benito Mussolini of Facist italy:


 (*Just as ‘Bark’ Obama picks his nose in public, Hitler had his own problem – farting:  http://washingtonexaminer.com/politics/washington-secrets/2012/05/docs-reveal-hitler-farted-received-sex-injections-craved-cocaine)



Hitler, rubbing the French surrender in France’s face, steps down from the location of the French surrender, in the same rail car Germany signed its own surrender papers at the end of World War One:


Hitler and friends on tour in conquered Paris:


Hitler breaks wind as he leaves Paris, just for good measure.


This is what it feels like the very moment you’ve realized you’ve lost your freedom. That very moment. And this picture from Europe wasn’t taken that long ago, folks:



Remember this ugly, and very-telling incident?



Well, we knew France getting its act together was too good to last.

Things are going to get very, very bad in France,  very, very soon.


But it’s not too late for the U.S.  We have one shot left, and it’s on November 2nd, 2012.

– One last chance. And we’re lucky we have it.


In the meantime, here’s the bad news for the free world:


Sarkozy Loses To Socialist Candidate

New leader promises to tax the rich and big corporations rather than cut spending, and to lower the retirement age from 62 to 60.


(In other words, France will destroy itself, as did Greece, and as ‘Bark’ Obama is trying to do to the U.S., with the handing out of vote-getting entitlements no nation on Earth can ever hope to be able pay for, in any citizen’s lifetime, born now or anytime in the future.)





-Michelle Obama, America’s Ambassador of Bad-Will, giving he stink-eye to French president Sarkozy’s wife, Carla.

‘Bark’ Obama Reality-Check

Published on May 6, 2012,

The nose-picking fraud is going to go down in a landslide, rivaling Ronald Reagan’s victory against then-U.S. presidential fiasco Jimmy Carter:


-Going down, Obama-style




How Mitt Romney’s Campaign Put A Damper On Obama’s Big Day



-Recent Obama sold-out event  (the chairs shown here were each required to  buy a ticket)


Gallup Poll: Romney Ahead



Things Not Looking Good For race-baiters Obama, Jackson, And Sharpton



29.7 Million Seek Work (Let’s make it 29,700.001)



Obama Abolishes the Press Conference (running for his life)



Obama under fire over collapse of Chen communist China dissident deal 



“Him again? This guy is starting to kill my buzz.”

-Secretary of Inebriation Hillary Clinton


Obama Praises Nazi Supporter in Jewish Heritage Month Proclamation




But he won’t go down without first trying to shred the Constitution:


Obama administration urges freer access to cellphone records



Obama seeks more than 1,700 secret warrants




And finally, there’s this suicidal a-hole:


Boehner: ‘One in three chance’ House Republicans could lose majority


-GOP House Speaker John Boehner, suidical a-hole.



Published on May 6, 2012,



The Fine Report has the exclusive on the letter:


“Dear Sh-thead:


“You vulgar little maggot. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. Like herpes! I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Even though I have nothing against weasels, and apologize for insulting nice weasels. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.


“You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who gave birth to you and then killed herself in recognition of what she had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn’t be here if the rubber hadn’t tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.


“You have all the appeal of the boogers you keep pulling from your nose in public. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?


“You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.


“May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. Just like bread mold. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. Just like hobos, or 10-year-old futons. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. And I like calling you ignoramus too. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won’t have sex with you- only trash such as yourself (you did manage to find one). Sorry to the sheep that consider themselves to have higher standards. In fact, I’m pretty sure sheep only have sex with sheep, when given the option.


“You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?


“You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You call yourself a dancer? You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. Politely speaking, you are a pot hole. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meat-slapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. Well you remind me of stinky diapers.


“You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.


“You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.


“I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. Rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. So stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Because of you, stupid has gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.


“And you DO NOT speak for me. And I will not stand for your use and abuse of my brethren the SEALS. You have never spoken for me, nor will you ever speak for me.”


For Liberty, and may all dogs avoid your kitchen,
(Name withheld)




“I’m feeling a little more positive today about this country, knowing a guy with these kind of balls still exists.

-Former U.S. Senator Blutto Blutarsky

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