“Mrs. Clinton, I don’t care if you’ve had your arm up your nose to your elbow: on behalf of every Muslim radical in my country, I surpress my urge to gag and I sacrifice my hand for all the air defense systems, ground-based radars, AMRAAM air-to-air missile systems, Seahawk helicopters, Avenger air-defense systems, and parts for F-16 fighter engines you are selling us that will eventually be used against Israeli and American troops. How the United States put the most piteous and incompetent woman in American public life in the position of Secretary of State, I will never know. I’ve met them all, and truly, you are the dumbest diplomat on Earth. I can only bless Barack Obama for appointing you.”
“Who put this dipsh-t, slimy, sh-t-for-brains a-hole in the position of Secretary of State?! …Who? Oh yeah, right: ‘Barack-Suck-My-C-ck Obama.!’ And who elected that dickwad president?? Come on!! — What a-hole voted for a dog-eating, nose-picking, moose-marrying commie to run my f-ing country?! Huh?! Raise your hand, a-hole, so I can ram this goddam bottle up your ass!!”
The Fine Report, hits 500,000 in less than 3 weeks!
The Congratulations are rolling in!
Sukanya RoyIdits, 2011 National Spelling bee champion: “You probably all have cymotrichous. And you are a bunch of idiots! I-d-d-i-o-t-s!”
Al Sharpton: “Dat dem dere duh dat dere dem does dum damn duh dat da does dum dat dem dum dem dere, Zimmaman! Hey, and ain’t 500,000 what I owe in back taxes?”
Washington Post Publisher Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth: “That’s exactly how much money I made my first decade as a prostitute*. Of course, AIDS, Hep-C drugs and decent mouthwash were more expensive back then.”
George Clooney: “The funniest stuff on the web. I’m glad you’re doing the work the leftist entertainment industry won’t. It seems like only yesterday that you guys hit 499,999. Thanks to you, I am now a Romney man. We will have a party at my house.”
Jennifer Aniston: “I was not scratching my crotch! I was digging for money! – To give to starving people! – To charity! Ross, I was not scratching my crotch!”
Nancy Pelosi: “All I can say is that TheFineReport.com is a refreshing change from the lies that go on for what is now put on as news these days. Did I just say that?”
Peter Slipper: “I’m afraid to say anything, or you might turn it around on me and make a play on my name. So I’m not going to say anything. You will not make me slip – I’m going to keep my lips zipped.”
Convict Politician Keith Judd: “And here I thought I had a scam going before I got locked up. How long did it take to get this crappy website up and running — ten minutes? Seriously, I think I can do it better in my sleep (that is, if my cellie keeps his hands to himself). And don’t think I’m not gonna try, when I get out.”
John Boehner: “Please don’t mention my name. Please. I swear, I’ll do anything. Except something brave. Anything but brave. Please! I’ll even pick up where ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth left off. (Is it ‘Mouth,’ or ‘Mouthwash?” I think ‘Mouthwash’ sounds a lot better.)”
Rhinotillexomaniac, Barack Obama: “Just for that, I’m going to shake your hand. For a long time.”
BREAKING: Washington Post Publisher Katherine Weymouth worked as a prostitute* in college?
Katherine ‘Mouthwash’ Weymouth, booking photo, in her days as a prostitute, strung out on meth?*
– Weymouth’s newspaper recently published a false story about American poltitician, Mitt Romney, accusing him of physically abusing a person. The Washington Post has yet to apologize. (NOT PARODY) If parody is ever in order, it’s now, isn’t it? So, let’s do it!…
“My pimp at the time – Fillmore — shortened my name, and called me ‘Mouthwash.’ It was hard, disgusting work. Let’s tell it like it is: I was a whore. (After the Romney false hit-piece I published, some people are calling me a whore now! Ironic, huh?) But when you got a drug habit, you have to pay for it, no matter how. Coming clean now feels good to me — almost as good as it must feel to Jennifer Aniston when she’s scratching her crotch. And no more need to gargle 50 times a day. That, and publishing a newspaper. What more could a former b.j. queen and crackhead ask for? And, I get paid a lot, too.”*
– Today: clean and sober? Former b.j queen: “But sometimes I yearn for the past. So I’ll gargle here and there, just for old times sake.* These days, I get my ‘whore fix’ by further destroying what was once a great newspaper and selling out my country to blindly shill for a handful of corrupt politicians.”
(IS THAT LAST SENTENCE PARODY? YOU TELL US.)
“That is some funny stuff, boy! That is what I call ‘parody!’ Keep it up, you guys , you’re doing important commentary — and slaying me at the same time Hey, isn’t this what Saturday Night Live is paying those sell-out a-holes they have on staff to do?”
-Actor George Clooney
*Retraction and apology to Weymouth: same as WAPO recently gave to Mitt Romney. And that’s a lot, from a humble website, to a giant international organ. (Steady ‘Mouthwash,’ don’t get excited — we don’t mean that kind of organ.)
“Rememba — G.O.P. means, ‘Gots to Oppress People!'”
– Race-baiter, anti-Semite and Barack Obama-intimate, Al Sharpton
“It’s da war on black peoples!”
– “Excuse me?”
“And it’s da war on dem womens people!”
“So that‘s the psycho that’s on MSNBC!”
“And it’s da war on dem immigrants people!”
-“Of course this is very sad and frightening, but it’s also getting kind of funny.”
“Now, it’s da GOP war on us dancing peoples!”
-“Dat’s it baby, put your knee right up dere!”
“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. So a ‘war’ on ignorance, is what I think it’s time for. And it’s time to get rational again. And time to vote malignant people out office, and ensure no one like them is ever again put in a position to disgrace our nation’s dignity.I had a ‘dream’ my friends, not this nightmare. So yet again, we will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.”
– “And another thing: what happened to the war on war?” Martin Luther King, Jr.
“That poor child has a tort case against not only his mother, but against Time Magazine. The state and federal governments also have criminal cases against them, as this is arguably child pornography. The most basic legal definition of child pornography is ‘a sexually explicit image or film of a person under 18 years of age.’ In my opinion, the act itself of that mother (if it is his mother — and if it’s not, she is going to wind up in prison) is deranged, but the act of putting her child in public view in that manner is criminal — as is Time’s production and publication of the picture. It is also an act of child abuse — even if the child ‘agreed’ to pose for the picture, because this young child does not have legal capacity to have given permission to be photographed doing what he is doing. This is an absolute glorification of pedophilia. Hopefully a court will step in an appoint a guardian ad litem for this child to sue both Time Magazine, the photographer, the crew, and anyone involved in the distribribution and sale of this issue. Then, there is the case this child has against his mother. Hopefully, and if there is any justice, she won’t be his mother for long. The earlier we can step in, the sooner this child can begin healing, and avoid a life of circular recovery, and possibly a depravation of his freedom or his victimizing anyone. Excluse me for the harsh language, but the lunatics who came up with this idea probably came up with the idea that racism causes global warming. (If anything, racism causes global cooling, because if a certain segment of the population is kept impoverished, they will consume less energy. But that’s another discussion). Boy, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Until next time!“
“I’m back. Sorry, but wow, I’m really upset. Now I can’t remember what I did with a purple sticky-note I’ve been looking for. If anybody sees, it, let me know. But more importantly, we have to get the government on top of this, and get this kid a lawyer.”
In our new feature, ‘Ask A Muslim!,‘ we asked American Muslim, Amir Abdel Ammar a question weighing heavily on the minds of many Americans:
TFR: “Which processor would you recommend on the new 21 inch iMac?”
AMMAR: “Depends on what you’re doing with it. If you’re an average user, the 2.5Ghz processor is fine. If you’re going to do video editing or gaming, go with the 2.7 for the extra two hundred bucks. But I have the 2.5, and I’m pretty happy with it.”
AMMAR: “You’re welcome.”
Wait — we have another Muslim looking to weigh-in:
The ‘American Evolution’ of 2012: “Give me a nostril, or give me death!”
The very latest “news” media propaganda for Barack Obama:
MSNBC, forwarding the Associated Press:
(TEXT IS VERBATIM:)
“Obama has officially finished evolving. He now has a new position. Until very recently, much of the betting was on Obama taking a pass on the touchy issue until after the election. On Wednesday, he picked it.“
Old position picked:
New position picked:
Other old position picked:
New position picked:
Doh!! — Wrong hand and wrong part of the body!
(Nor is a look of hate on your face recomended when saluting the flag. But then, the Obamas have never willingly saluted the American flag, so it’s understandable they do it uncomfortably and do it wrong. Here, each puts their left hand instead of the appropriate right hand over their right lung instead of their heart. And their look of disgust? It’s okay — we don’t like them, either.)
Hillary Clinton, the ‘refereshing new farcedisgrace face in politics,’ gives the battle cry for the ‘American Evolution:’ “No King, but, King Jesus!*.”
– ” Jesus, is this a king-size…”
*“No King, but, King Jesus” was Benjamin Franklin’s favorite battle cry of the Revolutionary War.
The victim said she had come home and told her mother, Chicago Democrat political figure Natalie Manley, she had lost her phone. Manley then began to hit her daugher in the face with closed fists, kicked her about the body and struck her with a set of keys.
Said the suspect “I’m a Democrat. I even beat my children liberally. She’s lucky I didn’t whack her.”
The British government wants health care workers to stop using the word ‘obese’ because it might offend fat people, according to new recommendations of the National Health Service, Britain’s equivalent of the newly enacted ‘Obamacare’ system in the United States.
Guidance sent to health officials warned that “the term ‘obesity’ may be unhelpful – while some people like to ‘hear it like it is,’ others may consider it derogatory.” Instead, individuals who are morbidly obese should be “Merely Urged To Try,” the Daily Mail reported.
Obese people in Britain will now be referred to as “MUTTs.”
– British “MUTT.”
“I’ve got enough of a complex about my weight as it ’tis. I don’t appreciate this at ‘tall!”
– Putin, at parade commemorating victory over America Germany.
Russian President Vladimir Putin is skipping a planned visit to the United States this month and a much-anticipated meeting with President Barack Obama, the White House announced Wednesday.
“Besides,” said Putin, “there are two things I never do: one, travel to meet someone about to be booted out of office. And two, put myself in a position to shake hands with a nose-picker.”
-Actor Georege Clooney
Putin continued: “And you’ll notice I never met with Hillary Clinton either. (So I hear your ‘news’ operatives hit her ‘reset button,’ and now she’s the ‘refreshing new image in politics.’ That was very funny, by the way. Even Defense Minister Serdyukov laughed!)”
The ‘refereshing new farcedisgrace face in politics.
Now that Hillary Rodham Clinton is the Washington Post’s ‘refreshing new image in politics’ (see previous post, below), we take a look back at her early days, before she somehow became the ‘Smartest Woman in America’ (as she has long touted herself to be, with an intellect rivaled only by our 4th Greatest President, the dog-eating Barack Hussein Obama):
-Hillary Rodham, circa high school.
-Hillary Rodham, circa college.
-Hillary Rodham, circa law school.
-Husband Bill Clinton, circa college.
-The Rodham family, typical Sunday.
U.S. Secretary of Inebriation Hillary Rodham Clinton, boozing it up at a controversial party, while abroad in Columbia.
RINO Senator Richard Luger got the hook today from voters. Lugar, a quintessential ‘Republican in name only,’ has voted consistently against his party for decades.
Hey Lugar: don’t let the door hit you in the ass.
“You know, considering what that crazy Elizabeth Warren said about someone’s high cheek bones and being an Indian, I think with my slanty eyes, I could be part Chinaman. I had a pretty good run in America — maybe I should go to Asia and try my hand betraying supporters over there. You know, come to think of it, I could become the world’s first ChINO.”
-Rino Richard Lugar. (Footprint in rear-end not shown.)
Maybe there are enough people ignorant enough to buy this:
The Washington Post gushes:
“But we aren’t accustomed to seeing female politicians and politicos without camera-ready makeup and, God forbid, showing wrinkles. In fact, how many pictures in glossy magazines have probably been airbrushed to make Hillary picture-perfect?
“While I’m a makeup addict, it’s refreshing to see Hillary fresh-faced. She looked like a schoolgirl in the picture – the Hillary from her granola college days at Wellesley. It was the look that won her few fans back in Arkansas in her days as the state’s first lady. After all, Southern women love their makeup, and Hillary wore little.
“As Hillary prepares to exit the high-wire of politics, are we finally seeing the real woman? It seems so.”
Fellow crazy hair person. Only this one had talent:
-Famed ‘Wall of Sound’ music producer, Phil Spector, shown wearing a Cher wig during his trial for murder. (He was convicted, and now resides in a California prison, where he is working on his new sound, the ‘Sound of Walls.’)
Right before Breitbart died, he promised to release a video showing terrorist Ayers and Barack Obama at Harvard planning revolution in the United States. (What’s even more amazing is Obama actually showed up for work.) But soon after Breitbart died, a less imflamatory video of Barack Obama introducing a mentor of his (an America-hating radical Harvard professor — is there any other kind of Harvard professor?) was “released” instead.
The stakes are high, folks. And right now, a madman has the advantage.
He can do it, too. It’s called a treaty by Executive Order, and it is within the power of the president, and its as binding on America as a treaty ratified by the Senate. It is not an exaggeration anymore: this guy really is nuts.
This current executive order follows these:
Obama authorizes himself to declare martial law in the event of war with Iran
“The Obama Legacy: Only 2,030 Americans Could Afford to Be Fat by 2042.”
Even Michelle Obama lost weight:
-Glamour and fashion icon Michelle Obama in her first year of eating free at the White House, shown putting the crush on Obamacare Reichfuhrer Katherine Sebelius. (Notice Sebelius’ severely curved right thumb.)
The Professor Weighs In:
‘The Skinny On the Fat Crisis: There Isn’t One.’
By Professor Allison D. Papalopolopolis.
“‘Weighs in.’ Hey, that’s funny. You know, this whole obesity thing is a bunch of blubber. A bunch of beefy, blimpy, bulging, bulky, burly, butterball, corpulent, distended, dumpy, elephantine, gargantuan, gross, heavyset, husky, inflated, jelly-belly, oversize, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, swollen, weighty, whalelike bunch of baloney! (I dare you to say that five times fast.) I’ve been around academia long enough to know these guys can skew a study any way they want. I mean look at what they did with global warming, and the fraud that’s turned out to be. And some of my peers were crazy enough to claim it was caused by racism! (How did they ever come up with that??) But what really fascinates me is the curve on Katherine Sebelius’ thumb (not that anything else about her interests me, though we really need to keep an eye on her — she’s crazy.). Do you know that a curved thumb is a recessive inherited trait? Interestingly, an inherited trait is outwardly obvious only when two copies of the gene for that trait are present—as opposed to a dominant trait where one copy of the gene for the dominant trait is sufficient to display the trait. As we in the field say, the condition is masked by the presence of the dominant gene when both are present; that is, the recessive condition is seen only in the absence of the dominant gene. Just as interestedly, so is a condition called cutis laxa, which is a connective tissue disorder where the skin lacks elasticity and hangs in loose folds. (Attention all you guys: you can’t come up with a better pick-up line than that. And in case you don’t know, ‘No Cutis Laxa Here, Baby’ is my handle on Match.com.) Until next time!”
I know what you’re thinking: ‘She had to have found that purple sticky-note.’ Well, sorry to say I haven’t. And if Obama is re-elected, I won’t be able to move to Canada without it. So if you see it, please let me know!”
UNINSTALL FIREFOX — USE THE PALE MOON BROWSER INSTEAD!
Go to it:
Is Barry Fudd’s propagandist David Poulffe actually ‘Randall,’ the ‘Honey Badger’ guy?
Why is America a Republic and not a Democracy?
In a Democracy, laws are established or repealed by the majority. The rule of law's protection of minorities from the whim of the majority in a democracy is no protection at all.
In a Republic, a written Constitution safeguards the rights of the individual and the minority, despite the whim or panic of the majority.
Thus, in the American Republic, all citizens are in theory protected by law, in spite of the election of a lunatic. But the law must be enforced against a lawless president, and it is done by way of the remaining two branches of our government (Congress and our courts).
'Barack Obama' (or whoever the hell he really is), Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler. (Our apologies to Stalin and Hitler for insulting their intelligence with the comparison. But it is what it is.)
Squeaker of the House and a vain coward of historic proportions, John Boehner
Talking to the Mirror
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? Well I'm the only one here. Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"
"I can dream, can't I?"
OBAMA DOG WALKING THE GREEN MILE?
Glamour icon Michelle Obama, taking dog on rumored one-way trip to...?
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WATCH
"Baby, you must be with the Secret Service!"
SNL: “Barack Obama is just not ‘funny.'”
SNL's Three-Year Drought Continues -- "We're a comedy show, and there simply hasn't been anything about Obama to laugh at."