Month: April 2012

“Even in bed….all I can do is dream about it.”   – Google co-founder Larry Page, post botched plastic surgery     Copyright 2012 The Fine Report [email protected]  

Finally! A way to get whacked and still be able to say to the cops, “Hey man, I’m clean.”   A troubling trend in teens drinking hand sanitizer Medical experts warn parents to watch for danger signs of young people getting drunk on the over-the-counter cleansers, which have a high percentage of ethyl alcohol.   … Read more

Amid scandal, Speaker Peter Slipper’s chances of returning as Speaker of the House of Representatives are minimal as the critical votes he needs to avoid a no-confidence declaration continue to fall away. http://www.news.com.au/national/peter-slipper-driven-into-a-corner-over-latest-travel-rort-allegations/story-e6frfkvr-1226338391197   Must I say it?  Because if no one else does, I’m going to have to:   Giving the slip, Peter Slipper … Read more

“We will reduce South Korea to ashes in less than four minutes! Three, if there’s no traffic and everyone gets to the base on time.” http://ph.news.yahoo.com/blogs/envoy/north-korea-issues-unusually-specific-threat-152720861.html   North Korean Troops, Posing For Marching Photo: The government photographer barks orders:   “Now everyone: hold your legs up until I tell you to put them down and … Read more

Claim:   “YouTube has purposely screwed up the “Closed Caption” text on this video. That way all those who don’t speak English around the world, won’t understand this video at all! It’s insidious what YouTube (owned by Google) is doing to America!”   The video,  “If I wanted America to fail”   surearrow 15 minutes … Read more

It will be the first time since 2007 that Japan will be in the elite eight-team World Group.   Ayumi Morit: (pretty cute, huh?)   http://www.chinapost.com.tw/sports/tennis/2012/04/23/338730/Ayumi-Morita.htm  

Says Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter: “I would be “comfortable with a Mitt Romney presidency. What country is he dictator of now?”   http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/25/jimmy-carter-id-be-comfortable-with-mitt-romney/   “You can call me ‘Numero Uno.’”  

A story from the liars at the New York Times. Is it true? (Could this be why most Saudis choose Friday night for most family gatherings?)     Saudi Arabia Awakes to the Perils of Inbreeding   Across the Arab world today an average of 45 percent of married couples are related, according to Dr. … Read more

In a potentially historic shift, more illegal immigrants and  now leaving the U.S. than entering. Factors contributing to the trend include the greatest decline in jobs on the U.S. side of the border since the Great Recession of the 1930s.    An illegal immigrant, spotted at the border fence, waves goodbye to America:  “This place … Read more

Looking at our stats, we see the many people visiting us from outside the United States, including a hooker from Columbia who says one of us here owes her $30.00 (don’t worry baby, the check is in the mail).   So hello to all of you — and welcome!

  Do The White Thing: The Exclusive FineReport Interview with Spike Lee!   Stay tuned….

  Debbie Whatshername Schultz: ‘Very likely’ GOP to lose House; blames Tea Party http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/24/dnc-chair-wasserman-schultz-very-likely-for-gop-to-lose-house-blames-tea-party/   The Professor Speaks: “Whatshername Schultz is using a technique known as ‘the big lie,’ a propaganda technique created by Adolph Hitler, when he wrote his book Mein Kampf. Hitler mused about the use of a lie so “colossal” that no … Read more

Illinois Man Became First Costco Shopper in History to Leave One of Its Stores Without Spending Over $100.00: On April 24th, 2009, Peter J. Franklin exited a Costco store, spending only $98.43, the first customer in the store’s history to break the $100.00 barrier.   Asked how he did it, Franklin said, “I was just … Read more

He hasn’t gotten it right yet. Though he is getting close: – Paul Newman, giving the ‘con man salute’ in the 1973 film, The Sting”         Anonymous Saturday Night Live producer: “I keep telling you this, but there is simply nothing about this man to laugh at. I submit he is the … Read more

Space: the final frontier. These are the NASA voyages of the starship Obama. Its four-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldenly go where no man has gone before — and improve relations with Muslims.   United States National Aeronautics and Space Administrator Charles ‘Boldenly’ Bolden … Read more

Not all is bad at the TSA. Despite discovering 743 transvestites, 19,249 enlarged prostates, 209,351 breast implants (how can that be an odd number?), 27,298 colon problems, 3 natural blonds — yet no terrorists — it is assuring to know at least some traveling celebs are finding good things to say about their experience at … Read more

Just realized the United Kingdom and Great Britain may be the same place.  This could save significant travel time.

Our email is: [email protected]   Attention Spike Lee: Our  address remains 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington DC.   Att: US Secret Service: If there is any Ted Nugent-like issues regarding this post, please be advised we met with the following agent, below — very closely, in fact (that’s me wearing the silver suit), and we … Read more

NY Times reporters panic about losing financial benefits after willfully destroying the paper’s only value: it’s reputation http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xTw0B_lmIHM#!    A recent example:  

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” – Benjamin Franklin   With the proverbial horse out of the barn:    “A Hard Look at the President” By ARTHUR S. BRISBANE “The warm afterglow of Mr. Obama’s election, the collateral effects of liberal-minded feature writers — these can be overcome … Read more

  Buffet:  “What the hell’s the matter with you? How did you get this all wrong? What was so hard? It’s all right here on page two! — Underlined! – And in big type! Don’t you read any of this crap I send you? And sit still, for God’s sake  — what do you, have … Read more

“Aplopoplectric….  Aropolplectic….  Apopopopoplecic….  Alopiplectic…..  Appopoplecric…..”     “Still nothing to make fun of. It is truly historic.”  -The cast and crew of….

“Sorry for laughing, but that first real lesson in economics is always such a doozie. I’ve got an even better one planned for November 3rd.”                         http://news.yahoo.com/1-2-graduates-jobless-underemployed-140300522.html

Says photo editor: “I sat on my glasses earlier that day, and got the pictures confused. Man, looking at him now, this kid really got hit by the ‘ugly stick.’ At first, I thought he was Al Sharpton. I mean, we did once do an issue on Sharpton. It’s easy to mix these things up. … Read more

The scene: Obama advisor David Axelrod spoke with Obama at 2PM, the end of Obama’s work day. This conversation would have taken place earlier in the day, but Axelrod arrived at 10:30AM, a half hour before Obama normally comes down from the White House living quarters.   Axelrod: Barack, I’m going on TV tomorrow and … Read more

After Barack Obama puts the nation 5 trillion  dollars in debt in his first term, Obama advisor David Axelrod re-defines reality for the ignorant, the corrupt and the indoctrinated. The “Buffet Rule,” claims Axelrod: 1- will relieve the $5,000,000.000,000.00 budget debt created by Obama by a possible .0094%; 2- despite encouraging class warfare and targeting … Read more

–  Baby did not surivive childbirth; – Was to be named “481649 Tyson, Jr.;“ – Now, Tyson says he is reformed and lives a sober, vegan lifestyle, precluding all sex with prison guards or frozen vegetables. http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/20/mike-tyson-impregnated-prison-official-while-doing-time/

The rant: “Which brings us to the moral codes of Mormonism that Mr. Romney claims to live by,” Bashir said. “In Section 63, in verse 17 of the Doctrine and Covenants of the Mormon Church we find this: ‘All liars, and whosoever loveth and and maketh a lie, and the whoremonger, and the sorcerer, shall … Read more