BREAKING: THE SCUMMY SUSAN RICE BOOTED OUT OF THE RUNNING TO REPLACE SECRETARY OF INEBRIATION, HILLARY CLINTON; NEXT UP COULD SECRETARY OF KETCHUP, JOHN KERRY   See? What was so hard?   Now, let’s get rid of this backstabbing loser:         Secretary of Ketchup and fraudulent war hero, John Kerry:     Secretary of Inebriation and fraudulent everything, Hillary Clinton: *hic*