– A GOP Consultant was taking sky-diving lessons. The instructor explained that it was time for his first jump, and all he had to do was jump from the plane, count to six, and pull the rip cord. A truck would be waiting for him in the field where he would land. The GOP Consultant jumped from the plane when he was told to, and counted to six. When he pulled the rip cord, the parachute wouldn’t open. He tried the reserve chute and that didn’t open. Frustrated, he muttered to himself as he fell, “I’ll bet the truck won’t be waiting for me either.”
– Why did the GOP Consultant plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.
– Why are GOP Consultant s not allows to use rectal thermometers? They’ll cause brain damage when the Consultant tries sticking it in his ear.
– Why did the GOP Consultant throw his guitar away? Because it had a hole in the middle.
– Why did the GOP Consultant drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his new air brakes.
– Why did the GOP Consultant have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night.
– What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four GOP Consultants watching a baseball game.
– Why are GOP Consultants given only a half hour for lunch? So we don’t want to have to retrain them.
– Why can’t the GOP field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.
– Why did the GOP Consultant salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket? Because the label said General Foods.
– What do GOP Consultants do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.
– How did Obama win the election? He walked into the White House backwards, and his GOP Consultants told Romney that Obama was leaving. Romney believed them.