“Listen you, lamebrains! — We play offense, you hear? Forget defense! No idiot coach ever won a championship with just great defense! Just who’s running this GOP show, anyway??”
– Pro football legend Vince Lombardi
“I am. And I’m tired. And I’m scared.”
“Fatigue makes cowards of us all, pal. Get with it, or take a hike!”
“Nothing I do works. Everything I try to do is so hard. The pressure… I just wanna play golf, like Obama.”
“If a guy like you isn’t fired with enthusiasm, you should be fired with enthusiasm! How the hell did you wind up as head coach of the GOP House leadership, anyway?”
“I was just there long enough — like Bob Dole and John McCain being the GOP choice for president. Vince, what if Romney wins? I’ll be pressured to rescind Obamacare! What’ll I do then?!
“Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. Stop being such a spineless bag of you-know-what.”
“You know, come to think of it, I did just help pass legislation enabling Obama to make presidential appointees free from Senate confirmation. Why, I almost forgot about that!
“Bully for you, you traitor to your office and your country. And next time you make a touchdown, act like you’ve been there before!… Man. Good luck, America. If you keep putting turds like this guy in high office, you deserve what you get. Maybe you should think more carefully this time in November, and boot out that commie water-boy you stuck this country with as its president. That Obama wouldn’t even make it as a water-boy on one of my teams. Yet you picked him to head yours…”
