“What do I care? Me and my family, we’re living large, and so are my friends. I got the all the major news networks shilling for me, and have half the nation on food stamps and whathaveyou. I could play golf 96 times and no one would care. I could get caught lying about my entire life story, and no one would care. I could pick my nose up to my friggin’ first knuckle at a press conference – and eat it – and no one would care.
“So why would I care about a thing like a ‘jobs report.’ I’ll blame it on Bush, and let the New York Times, NBC and CNN take it from there. My planned destruction of the U.S. economic system continues unchallenged. Life is so good for me, even my snot seems to be tasting better. “
– Photo of his eating of the end-product has merciflly been omitted.
“It’s true. His snot has been tasting a little better. Not that I’m so thrilled about being covered with it after kissing his hand, but you know, it could be worse. (You should have tasted it a year ago.) Now, if he only did something about his ass, kissing it would be so much less horrendous.”
-U.S. House Speaker John Boehner, incompetent, coward, hack and ass-kisser.
“But not a snitch!”