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Romney, Secret Service, GOP: Obama mocks them all!

Published on April 29, 2012,

Obama knocks them dead at Saturday night’s celebrity- studded White House Correspondents Dinner, one fool at a time:


Obama’s best line: “How do you break my finger? Punch me in the nose!”



– Looney George Clooney, in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.


“Here — break my other finger!”



– Looney George Clooney, still in attendance at star-studded White House Correspondents’ dinner.


“Pick a winner, Barack!”

-Katherine Sebelius, Potentate of the U.S. health care system under the Obamacare law, demonstrating that if you want to be a Potentate, you have to look impotentate.





The Aussie ‘Mr. Sandal’ Scandal Continues: Gillard Puts Slipper In Her Pipper

Published on April 29, 2012,

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard purportedly asks Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper to extend his time away from his post as Speaker of the Lower House:


  Subtle pressure purportely exerted: ‘Get the #%&@ out!’


–  Gillard fears Lower House will get even lower


–  Scandal alleges use of taxpayer-funded taxi vouchers and sexual harassment claims


 – Claims Slipper grabbed Gillard’s bottom ‘one last time, for good luck,’ before spiriting away in a hired car at taxpayer expense


Says Gillard: “It wasn’t so much my bum getting the pinch, but I did overhear Speaker Slipper tell the taxi driver, ‘to England, and step on it!’  I fear that ride is going to cost quite a bit of money.


However — The Fine Report has the inside story, as told to us by the official Lower House photographer, who overhead the following exchange between Gillard and Slipper as he snapped this photo:


– “Julia, finish your cocktail, then meet me under the desk.”
– “Peter! Isn’t the rest of the House watching?”
– “No, it’s safe to come in – I sent them all home in taxis.  The only one left is this bloke taking my picture — and you’d think he’d get on with it already.”





“That country is crazy! Why don’t they just co-opt the news media, like we did here?”

-Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who might have bought-off the American news  media, she but couldn’t buy off enough American voters, and as a result, got a collective foot in her ass in 2010.  She is now a Congresswoman from Northern California, but remains the House Minority Leader of the Democrat party. We look forward  putting more boots in her ass for the damage she’s done to our nation.



Want to earn up to $1US? Yes, that dollar can be yours! That’s what The Fine Report will pay if you have an exclusive tip about a major international scandal.  Why not  earn the same rate we pay our lawyer, and without the headache and expense of going to law school?  (*Note: certain conditions apply.)


*The certain conditions:

1-The story must be an exclusive story, not run by any major or minor news or entertainment outlet anywhere in the world.

2-The story must be of a story of the magnitude of the bombing of Pearl Harbor or Lindbergh’s flight across the Atlantic.

3-At the discretion of The Fine Report, the dollar reward is payable in monthly installments, over a 20-year period.

4-Tipper must send 240 self-addressed, stamped envelope upon notice of reward.

5-There can be no typos or misspellings in your tip.

6-Tip must be written in all languages that are translated in the U.N., including English.

7-Failure of any of the conditions above, and tipper agrees to fly the staff of The Fine Report round-trip to Hawaii, first class.



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Who Is ‘The Professor?”

Published on April 28, 2012,

We have recieved quite a few emails asking for the background of the expert featured in our ‘The Professor Weighs In’ segments. Her name is Professor Allison D. Papalopolopolis.


– “Hey there!”


 The following is her curriculum vitae:


Distinguished Professor of Law, University of Cardozo;  Answer & Demurrer Professor of Law and Political Science; John J. Gotti Professor of Public Interest Law, Legal Ethics, and Political Science. MD from University of Colorado School of Medicine, graduating with the Diverticulitis Award for Highest Academic Standing. Formal liaison to Harvard Medical School, sitting on the Council of Academic Deans. Authored over 2,000 scholarly papers and reviews and has held many editorial positions. Member, American Academy of Clinical Psychiatrists, American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, American College of Neuropsychopharmacology, First Place Award in National Medical Spelling Bee, Fellow American College of Physician Executives, American College of Psychiatrists, Fellow American Medical Association, Life Member American Psychiatric Association, Distinguished Fellow Cincinnati Psychiatric Association, Member Council of Science Editors National Alliance for the Mentally Ill of Ohio and Ohio Psychiatric Association; I was the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society, I was not the Newsletter Editor for the Schizophrenia International Research Society; Co-founder Society of Biological Psychiatry, Society for Neuroscience. Assistant Professor of Education, American Politics, Harvard University, deputy director of Harvard’s Program on Education Policy and Governance, and is an affiliate of the Pelosi-Reid Center for Responsible State and Local Government. Professor of Sociology at Harvard University, and author of the book, Why Minorities Who Refuse To Pay Their Bills Often Have Bad Credit; published widely in journals of opinion and the national press, especially the New York Times, where was recently a guest columnist for several weeks. Her columns have also appeared in Time Magazine, Newsweek. Recipient of the Distinguished Contribution to Scholarship Award of the American Sociological Association; and co-winner of the Assimilation Award for the best book on pluralism from the American Political Science Association;  holds honorary degrees from several other universities, including the University of Chicago, U.C.L.A and La Trobe University in Australia. She was awarded the Order of DaBong by the Government of Jamaica in 1999. Othere Honors also include the Acute Mellitus Award of the American Diabetes Association, the Amy Gdala Lecture of the American Physiological Society, and Honorary Doctorates from the University of Athens and the University of Edinburgh, recipient of the Sodium Lecture Award from the Endocrine Society, the Vomitus Medal from the American Diabetes Association, the Ernest K. Cognition Lecture Award from the National Psychology Professors Association, as well as twice being the winner of a Burger King 2-for-1 coupon. Currently, she is enrolled in an online dental hygienist program, and  was ranked first in her class this past quarter in ‘virtual flossing.’


Professor Papalopolopolis can be reached through The Fine Report, care of the editor: thefinereport@gmail.com


(If you find the purple sticky-note she’s still looking for, please let us know. And the Professor asks us to remind you once again: global warming has absolutely nothing to do with racism.)



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Published on April 28, 2012,

With the publication of Barack Obama picking his nose up to the second joint of his finger at a press conference, the discovery of a transcript between then U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, and China’s Communist Party Chairman Mao-tse Dung (the greast mass murder in history: he killed 90 million people) circa 1972, has created world-wide panic among people who have shaken Obama’s hand:


The world-record public nose-pick, to the index finger’s proximal inter-phalangeal joint:


The transcript:
Mao: There is an ancient Chinese proverb, Mr. Kissinger: ‘Never touch the finger of a man who picks his nose in public. Because even a fool knows what he must doing with it in private.’
Kissinger: Why are you telling me this?
Mao: One day you will see.  I have two more words for you.
Kissinger: Yes?
Mao: Anita Dunn.
Kissinger: Who is that?
Mao: One day you will see.



Victims, throughout the globe:



Hand santizer stocks soar on news:




There were some who discovered the threat, but too late:



There is only one public figure known to remain unfazed:


– “Usually when I see him, I’m blitzed anyway.”  U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton



Revelation of the transcript has finally shed light on the mystery why Michelle Obama did not shake her husband’s hand on victory night.


 – “Don’t even think about it, Barack. You’re lucky you’re getting a knuckle.”


And finally, ‘Anita Dunn,’ Obama’s White House Communication Director, resigning in disgrace upon admitting her political hero is the greatest mass murderer in history: Mao-tse Dung. Here is the video of her statement:


The story, in print:




Who was Mao-tse Dung, and why did Anita Dunn resign after she publicly admitted he is her political heros?



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report




Obama’s ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ Accused of Bigotry — and Bullying!

Published on April 28, 2012,


When you put a lunatic in power, he will empower fellow-lunatics, often calling them ‘commissars,’ ‘reichsfuhers’ — or ‘czars.’



Obama’s bigoted ‘Anti-Bullying Czar’ bullies Judeo-Christian group, attacking them for their beliefs:


“We can ignore all the ‘B.S.’ in the Bible.”



Will he say this to American Muslims about their holy book?


“Are you kidding? They’d cut my f-ing head off!”


– Obama Czar of Dork, Dan Savage: bigot, propagandist , and sex expert in his hallucinations.

Disaster: Barack Obama Caves On Iran Nukes

Published on April 28, 2012,

Obama consession — or confession?




In a major concession, Obama administration officials say they could support allowing Iran to continue a crucial element of its disputed nuclear program if the government in Tehran takes other major steps to curb its ability to develop a nuclear bomb.


The officials told The Times they might agree to let Tehran continue enriching uranium up to concentrations of 5% if the Iranian government agreed to unrestricted inspections and strict oversight and safeguards that the United Nations long has demanded.


Iran began enriching small amounts of uranium to 20% purity in February 2010 for what it contends are peaceful purposes, although most of its stockpile is purified at lower levels. Uranium can be used as bomb fuel at about 90% enrichment.



In other words, Iran can’t do this:




But they can do this:




‘From my understanding, that is correct. They can now do this.’


– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton




White House Press Secretary Tells His Greatest Lie Yet:

Published on April 28, 2012,


“I never lie.”




Obama Press Secretary, ‘Baghdad Jay’ Carney:


– Photo courtesy of Peoplescube.com


Some previous Carney lies:


– Carney told reporters in April that the president had never argued the Buffett Rule would solve the country’s deficit problems. But when the Buffett Rule was first introduced in September, President Obama claimed the tax would “stabilize our debt and deficits for the next decade.”


– Following a report that Hilary B. Rosen, the Democratic consultant who said Ann Romney had “never actually worked a day in her life,” had visited the Obama White House 35 times, Carney told reporters he personally knew three people named “Hilary Rosen.” Rosen herself said she was the only Hilary Rosen she had met before.


– Carney also battled this month with Fox News reporter Ed Henry and CBS News reporter Norah O’Donnell after he claimed the president had not said it would be an “unprecedented” step for the Supreme Court to overturn Obamacare:
ED HENRY: In his original comments he did not draw out that caveat. He just said the whole thing would be unprecedented.
JAY CARNEY: That’s not what he said, Ed, and that’s certainly not what he meant. It was clear to most folks who observe this and understand is at issue here.
NORAH O’DONNELL: Jay, that’s not true. The president said on Monday: “It would an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning a law that was passed by a strong majority of a democratically elected Congress.” It took him until yesterday to talk about the commerce clause and on an economic issue—there are two instances in the past 80 years where the precedent, where the Supreme Court has overturned stuff—U.S. vs. Lopez and U.S. vs. Morrison. These are very specific legal issues. It’s not evident to everybody.
CARNEY: Well, it may not be evident to you. It is clear that the president was talking about matters like this that involve the commerce clause.
– Last year, Carney told reporters that Obama was never against signing statements except when George W. Bush abused them–but Obama had come out against signing statements in 2008 while running for president.




‘Baghdad Jay promised he wouldn’t come in my — ‘

‘But he did.  And the check didn’t come in the mail, either.’


Oxymorons Invade Gulf Coast

Published on April 28, 2012,

Giant shrimp population encroaching on native species in U.S. Gulf waters


– Ecological disaster – could destroy smaller native shrimp population


– Restaurants forced to  upgrade shrimp cocktails to main course


– Cocktail sauce-maker stocks soar on news


– Species to be renamed?


– Oxymoron, the giant shrimp






Published on April 28, 2012,





In light of an EPA official stating this:

“The Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean. They’d go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they’d find the first five guys they saw and they would crucify them. And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years.”… So you put some financial pressure on a company, you get other people in that industry to clean up very quickly.”


-Al Armendariz, Administrator for EPA’s South Central Region, appointed by Barack Obama



This the best House Speaker John Boehner could come up with is this:

“This week the president traveled across the country on taxpayers’ dime at a cost of $179,000 an hour insisting the Congress fix a problem that we were already working on. Frankly, I think this is beneath the dignity of the White House.”


What Boehner should have said, was this:

 “This guy is blowing $200,000 of your money every hour, to spread a lie. I would say this is beneath the dignity of the White House, but with this guy in the White House, there is no dignity left. America, this is your money: I’m just a guy trying to watch your back.   And a government official making a statement such as the one Al Armendariz, is, in my mind a dangerous individual. Armendariz will be called before Congress to explain it. If he did indeed say those words, he will resign or he will be impeached from office.”


Who is more dangerous, a lunatic in our government like Al Armendariz, or the man we hired to protect us from the likes of him, who it turns out is a poser and a coward, who stab members of his own party in the back? The time to get rid of this bum has long, long passed.


– John Boehner: poser, coward, backstabber, bum.



‘But not a snitch!’



Australia’s House Speaker Peter Slipper is on the lam and is available. At this point, could we do any worse?


Occupy “Creator” Elizabeth Warren: ‘I didn’t know Harvard Law promoted my lineage’

Published on April 27, 2012,

Harvard Law School touts ‘Occupy Movement’ creator Elizabeth Warren’s lineage as proof of their faculty’s diversity when they hired her:



Her ancestors:


One generation removed:

Says Warren:  “You’ll see: one day young people will be shitting all over the place, throwing their waste like monkeys in a zoo — and all at my command. It’ll be known as giving the ‘Warren signal:‘ three, two, one  — crap and throw your feces!”


Her progeny:

– “I’m looking for a job, by the way. Something with light work, high pay, casual dress and nice restroom facilities. Would you take a look at my resume?”



 “The ‘Warren Signal!’ — Three, two, one — !”






Mitt Romney Once Saved a Dog’s Life — Along With Lives of Six People

Published on April 27, 2012,

And to this day, he has not eaten one.


By Elisabeth J. Beardsley / Boston Herald

The drama began at about 8:30 p.m. Saturday, as Romney and his family were relaxing at their lakeside summer home in Wolfeboro, N.H.Gubernatorial son Josh Romney told the Herald yesterday that he and brother Craig were cleaning the beach while their father puttered in the garage when the quiet night air was pierced with screams.”We heard a whole bunch of screaming,” said Josh Romney, who immediately hopped onto his Jet Ski. “We tore out of there and my dad hopped on the other Jet Ski and came out right after us.”Roughly 300 yards out onto the lake, six adult family members and their dog were floundering in the water, after their boat suddenly sprung a huge leak — sinking in less than 90 seconds, Josh said.While water temperatures were a balmy 75 degrees, the deepening darkness obscured other boaters’ vision — prompting the victims’ terrified howls as they were buzzed by other vessels cruising in the entrance to Wolfeboro Bay.Chasing fleeting glimpses of “bobbling heads” in the water, the Romney trio arrived on their two Jet Skis to find three women and three men wearing lifejackets they hadn’t even had time to buckle.The governor pulled the two younger women aboard his three-seater Jet Ski and zoomed back to shore, while his sons helped the mother of the family onto their vehicle.In the middle of the rescue, the governor actually took a dunking himself — thrown off the Jet Ski as one anxious boater scrambled aboard and tipped the craft off-balance.The rescuing Romneys also managed to snatch the family dog, McKenzie, from a watery grave — grabbing the Scottish terrier first because it was the only passenger without a lifejacket.





Related story:


Even NPR gets it: Why Is the New York Times Obsessed With Mitt Romney’s Dog?

(Can you guess?)



China Central Government Investigates Officals’ Booze-Fueled Feasts

Published on April 27, 2012,

A county in China has banned extravagant feasts after excessive boozing and banqueting by government officials which was taking a toll on the county’s people and its economy.


Hefeng county has become notorious for organizing government booze-fuelled feasts where guests are expected to bring gifts, Guangzhou Daily reported.


In May 2011, the local Publicity Department and Discipline Inspection Commission of the Communist Party of China, sent two teams to investigate the partying.


Arrested and removed from office were county president Deng Xiaoping-Obama and his wife, county vice-president Wang Bingqian-Biden, and county commissar of inebriation Zhang Jingfu-Hillaryclinton,





China-Russia Relations Reach New Heights

Published on April 27, 2012,

–  Vice-Premier Li Keqiang meets Russian Prime Minister and Vladimir Putin

“The China-Russia all-around strategic partnership is unprecedented at the moment, and I believe the cooperation between the two countries could reach a new high, as there is a wide range of areas that we could jointly develop,” said Vice-Premier Li Keqiang during his meeting with Russian leader Vladimir Putin.


American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.


North Korea Cancels Nuclear Test:

Published on April 27, 2012,

“Never mind.”


American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.

Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



China Warns North Korea Not To Carry Out Nuclear Test:

Published on April 27, 2012,



American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.


North Korea Issues Another Unusually Specific Threat:

Published on April 27, 2012,



American officials shown below, confering in an attempt to determine the meaning of this message.




Australia Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper Scandal Continues

Published on April 27, 2012,


AUSTRALIAN Federal Police have stepped up their probe into Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper: misuse of parliamentary travel entitlements.


“We’re going in. The public should be assured, our probe of Mr. Slipper  will be very thorough and very, very  deep..”


The Fine Report now has a picture of the Slipper.

This, is Australian Speaker of the House on the run, Peter Hipper-Zipper-Dipper-Flipper-Nipper-Slipper:


Hands across the water: the guy is not only as funny-looking as the former U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (booted out of her position in the 2010 election), he seems to have been inspired by her:


Judicial Watch: Pelosi’s military travel – much of it personal, and for her grandchildren – cost the United States Air Force $2,100,744.59 over a two-year period — $101,429.14 of which was for in-flight expenses, including food and alcohol:



Judicial Watch Uncovers Documents Detailing Pelosi’s Repeated Requests for Military Travel:



“Can we please not get sidetracked here? Can we get back to that the new Muslim rule in Egypt that allows men to do the ‘wild thing’ with dead women?  I’m beginning to get worried.”

– Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, who has absolutely nothing to worry about regarding any necrophilia-enabling law, let alone the one recently instituted in Egypt.


$101,429.14 — for a drink?”

– U.S. Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton


And then there is Michelle Obama’s millions and millions of dollars in personal and family travel at taxpayer expense, including a personal jet for the family dog….


– Glamour icon, Michelle Obama


Here are but some of the expenses and adventures of Air Force Ton:

Expensive massages, top shelf vodka and five-star hotels: First Lady accused of spending $10m in public money on her vacations


Michelle Obama  Now Requires 26 Servants

(1 to take her lunch order, and 25 to carry it?)

Time for the White House to rein in Michelle Obama’s out-of-control spending


Michelle’s Separate Travel Costs Taxpayers


 Michelle Obama jets to Aspen for ski vacation



Then, there’s this character:


Obama Under Fire For ‘Blending’ Official Travel And Campaign Trips



(Obama, shown here blending his finger with his nose.)

– Would you lend your pen to this man?


Gotta tell you, Australia: looking at that Slipper on your foot? — He’s not too bad in comparison to the clodhoppers we’re stuck with on ours.




I will not get in a bed without first reading The Fine Report

Published on April 27, 2012,

“No lie. It really busts me up.”


“And was that story below about Egypt for real?  Because I never thought anything could be worse than what happened to me in Saudi Arabia after I got caught stealing – twice.”




Hillary Clinton’s Foreign Policy Progress In Egypt

Published on April 26, 2012,

Another success story from the Secretary of Inebriation, Hillary Clinton.

Why so surpised, Hillary? How thick do you have to be to not know this is what happens when you put radicals in power?


The following are but some of the newly enacted laws in Egypt under its recently installed Islamic government, the existence of which was facilitated by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton:


1: ‘Farewell intercourse law’ so husbands can have sex with dead wives up to six hours after their death


2: The minimum age of marriage is now lowered to 14


3: Woman no longer have the right to be educated


4: Women no longer have the right to employment





“But I like that first law. Let’s face it, if they’re dead, it lessens the need for those Egyptian women to have to pay for birth control at their own expense.  Plus, there’s no pressure to show anyone a good time.”


– Nancy Pelosi, Member of Congress, United States of America and former Speaker of the House (the U.S. version of Austrailan House Speaker Peter Slipper, though involved in more scandals).



Cameron may work on Chinese film

Published on April 26, 2012,

Warning: Pay to see this film, and one hour later you’ll need to be entertained again.



(Careful China: if give to him generously — like America did — he will turn on you, too:)

 The Telegraph UK: “Avatar: the most expensive piece of anti-American propaganda ever made”



– Film Director James Cameron, doing the ‘white man shuffle’  at unknown nightclub.



Aussie Government Scandal Continues

Published on April 26, 2012,

(In case you missed our previous story, we reported on the Speaker of the Australian House of Representatives being embroiled in a scandal. His name is Peter Slipper. We did not make that up. We did, however, make a  lot of this up:)

Peter Slipper Denies Charges


The Scandal with ‘Mr. Sandal ‘ Continues: 


 A release of Speaker Peter Slipper’s personal records is disputed by leading forensic handwriting expert; Slipper still claims they are authentic (this is true:)



The Fine Report has gotten possession of this information. After obtaining an opinion on it from the best legal scholar who was willing to provide one at the low price we were willing to pay, we are  nonetheless convinced the records are authentic. The following is a summation of the contents:


Despite a career in the rough and tumble world of politics, Mr. Slipper is particularly sensitive to being called a ‘flip-flopper.’ He secretly wears thong underwear. His favorite movies are the 1953 film ‘The Robe,’ as well as the more recent films, ‘Flipper’ and ‘Jack the Ripper.’ His political hero is Ronald Reagan, known as ‘The Gipper.’ He refers to his son as, ‘my little nipper.’ His hobby is astronomy, and he studies the Big Dipper. He used to bite his nails, but now uses a clipper. Oddly, he is not Jewish, but observes Yom Kippur. He is known in restaurants as kind of a bad tipper. He refuses to wear anything using velcro instead of a zipper. But is wife complains he is stogy, and he should dress a little hipper. As a result, Mr. Slipper now dresses hipper when pulls up his zipper, looks at the Dipper, watches Flipper or tucks in the nipper.


“That’s it, baby. Give it to ’em right up the….”




Copyright 2012 The Fine Report




Published on April 26, 2012,

Since going online on Sunday, April 22, 2012 (4 days, for some of you):


–  190,000+ hits


–  63 countries


–  2 planets


“Even sick in bed, I thought it was funny. Insightful commentary, too. Better than anything on TV. And objective, in the sense they make fun of everyone, from all sides of the isle. (Earth isles, that is. Here in the 8th dimension, there are more than two sides to an isle. Believe me, you get a headache watching  all  our Sunday political shows  – it takes all day.)  Do you know, for once there’s even talk around here about not destroying Earth?”



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Michelle Obama Lauds Free-Contraception Mandate, ‘ESF:’ “Barack Says You Can “%$@# For Free!”

Published on April 26, 2012,

‘We Made History!

Announcing: the ‘ESF’ Program


Michelle Obama announces Barack Obama’s new program, “Government Moans,” officially known as “Everyone Start %$@#in.”


‘If you loved ‘Student Loans,’ you’ll love ‘Government Moans/ESF,’ where you can  %$@# now, and pay later.


(And, yes — here are special rates for Green %$@#ing)


Paralelling the historical signficance of the end of World Wars I and II, the end of slavery, the discovery of penicillin, the Battle of Waterloo, the Magna Carta, the Collapse of the Soviet government, and if not Alexander’s and Shaka Zulu’s exploit, Michelle Obama states the new U.S. government mandate to force insurance companies to provide $4.00 of free birth control every month has ‘made history.’


So, every month, women now will now get $4.00 worth of birth control for free, as well as sterilization on demand from their private insurers. What many Obama supporters  fail to realize is that their insurance rates will now increase over $50.00 per month to cover the mandate. In other words, women would have saved a small fortune over the years by simply buying birth control pills at Wal-Mart, or through the mail – or any pharmacy, for that matter – instead of through Michelle Obama.




Like most remedies to avoid the consequences of  potentially negative behavior, the best remedy is usually free.  For instance, the most effective  male contraceptive for the sighted,  is known to be this:



*Please Note:  %$@# charges in Columbia still apply.



“Enough already with damn %$@#ing.  When can we start drinking?”


– Google co-founder Larry Page, post previous unsuccessful plastic surgery.


 “Everybody start %$@#ing. Except Zimmerman!”


-Al Sharpton, Secret Service.  Man in gray suit remains unidentified


“Wait a minute — this was my idea! Don’t you remember my program, ‘Operation Head Start?’  And what about ‘No Child’s Left-Behind?’  Come on — give some credit here, where credit is due!”


– Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi



“I never go to bed without reading The Fine Report”

Published on April 26, 2012,

“Even in bed….all I can do is dream about it.”


– Google co-founder Larry Page, post botched plastic surgery



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report





Published on April 26, 2012,

News from Australia

Published on April 25, 2012,

Amid scandal, Speaker Peter Slipper’s chances of returning as Speaker of the House of Representatives are minimal as the critical votes he needs to avoid a no-confidence declaration continue to fall away.



Must I say it?  Because if no one else does, I’m going to have to:


Giving the slip, Peter Slipper slipped out of the House, quiet as a mouse, slipping away, into the day. He was last seen dressed in a slipper, carrying a  flipper and remains known throughout Australia as a very bad tipper.



North Korea Issues Unusually Specific Threat

Published on April 25, 2012,

“We will reduce South Korea to ashes in less than four minutes! Three, if there’s no traffic and everyone gets to the base on time.”



North Korean Troops, Posing For Marching Photo:

The government photographer barks orders:


“Now everyone: hold your legs up until I tell you to put them down and not a moment before!


 “Hey you, all the way on the left! — Yeah, you, dummy! –you’re not looking toward the camera!


 “And you, dumbbell next to him! – you’re looking right at the camera! — And who the hell told you to wear white socks today!?


 “And all of you, loosen up on the string pulling back your pants leg: you look like you’re flying, not marching! Keep those legs up!


 “Now everyone, get those legs, higher – higher! C’mon, act like you’re walking! Keep those toes pointed!   — ‘Ring’  —  Wait a minute you guys,  I gotta take this.  Hello? Yeah… Yeah… Yeah…  Uh-huh… Uh-huh… No,, it puzzles me too why DiCaprio let that babe out of his hands… To be honest, I didn’t even know they broke up… How long ago? Wow, I didn’t know that…  No, I’ve been busy… Look, let’s talk about it more tomorrow, I got all these guys standing here with their leg out…. Lunch? Sure. How’s one o’clock. Okay, see you then.  — ‘click’


“Okay, hold it! Good!.. Hold it!… Hold it!    ‘snap.’


“Okay, nobody move. We’re gonna do one more shot!”



Copyright 2012 The Fine Report



Has Google/Youtube sabotaged international closed captioning on viral “If I Wanted America to Fail” video?

Published on April 25, 2012,



“YouTube has purposely screwed up the “Closed Caption” text on this video. That way all those who don’t speak English around the world, won’t understand this video at all! It’s insidious what YouTube (owned by Google) is doing to America!”


The video,  “If I wanted America to fail”






“Google this: Misery loves company. If I have to wake up every morning for the rest of my life to see my mug in the mirror,  I will see to it the rest of the world suffers alongside me.”


Ayumi Morita win gives Japan berth in Tennis’ Fed Cup World Group

Published on April 25, 2012,

It will be the first time since 2007 that Japan will be in the elite eight-team World Group.


Ayumi Morit:

(pretty cute, huh?)





2nd Worst President in U.S. History: “I’d be comfortable with a Mitt Romney presidency.”

Published on April 25, 2012,

Says Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter:

“I would be “comfortable with a Mitt Romney presidency.

What country is he dictator of now?”




“You can call me ‘Numero Uno.'”


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